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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why she can’t not comment for one day!

39 replies

Succumbes · 25/12/2024 13:53

Omg my dsis can’t not comment on my weight for one day. It’s Christmas Day and so far I’ve already had “oh what do you weigh now you must be max 10st” “oh you’ve no arse” “what size clothes are you in now” plus a few others I can’t remember. Why do people feel the need to do this? I mean I’d rather people just kept their gob shut. My sister is overweight herself but has recently lost some but I haven’t commented although I think she’d secretly like me too. It’s not my place to say anything. She’s always been quite competitive when it comes to weight so I don’t know why I expected her to say nothing especially when I haven’t seen her for a while and have probably lost another half stone. I’ve also caught her a few times looking me up and down which makes me majorly uncomfortable.
AIBU to feel annoyed? It’s Christmas Day after all.

OP posts:
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Pherian · 01/01/2025 01:57

Have you tried bluntly telling her to shut the fuck up ?

WigglyVonWaggly · 31/12/2024 16:08

Although I feel sorry that you don’t like confrontation, you have to pluck up the courage to speak up for yourself and tell her to stop. Put it in proportion. It’s not conflict: it’s an adult conversation with a relative. It’s no huge epic row: remind yourself that it will take approximately five seconds of words to finally put a stop to it. Or, stay quiet and endure it for a lifetime.

MyLimeGuide · 31/12/2024 15:48

Succumbes · 25/12/2024 14:52

It’s not unfathomable, far from it. What’s more, why would i compliment a person on their weight loss when they’ve made borderline negative and inappropriate comments about my body?

You wouldn't, why should you have to! Your sister sounds like she's always in a race to compete against you, so obviously jealousy I have EXACTLY this situation with my sister she has been so jelous of my weightloss as an adult (I was a chubby teen) then she got big and I felt like she tried to do anything possible to put me down. Ignore is the only way, and pity as your sister has clear insecurities issues.

asrl78 · 31/12/2024 14:05

Succumbes · 25/12/2024 14:52

It’s not unfathomable, far from it. What’s more, why would i compliment a person on their weight loss when they’ve made borderline negative and inappropriate comments about my body?

One reason would be to throw them completely off guard. If the sister is trying to provoke a whiny or defensive reaction because she thinks it's funny then returning a complement on their own efforts may make them stop and think. It also indirectly demonstrates you are the better person by not resorting to similar negative comments in retaliation. Finally, if the sister is making the comments due to poor self esteem (I'm not saying this is a justification but could be a motivation), complementing her on her efforts could give her an ego lift which might reduce her desire to chip chip chip away.

Ompompom · 31/12/2024 13:53

It's hard when there is so much around us all the time, from pressure to lose weight to pressure to love our bodies even if they're fat. Guess what, I don't love my body and it's a daily battle between that constant self-loathing and throwing myself into a vat of chocolate for that moment of fleeting joy.

You sister clearly envies your weight loss, particularly if she really has spent years losing and gaining the same chunk of weight. I think perhaps a little compassion could be applied here. My sister has actually recently lost weight and it's hard not to comment, it's a significant loss and she insists she's not done anything different, I'm genuinely worried she's unwell.

I think if her comments bother you, you could say "I'm trying really hard not to think about weight losses and gains, and the cholehold it has on so many of us, makes us miserable don't you think? Let's agree not to talk about it anymore, our bodies are what they are, and they're the least important thing about us".

GreatGardenstuff · 31/12/2024 12:47

Can you text her instead of telling her face to face? “Lovely to see you at Christmas, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you… please can you stop commenting on my weight and my body? I find it stressful and I’m trying to work on how I feel about it. I know you’ll understand it’s a sensitive subject x”

DuckDuckG00se · 31/12/2024 11:59

Just tell her. In a text if you don't feel you can do if face to face...Dear Sister, I know you don't mean anything by it but I find these comments really upsetting. Please will you refrain from making them in future, thank you xx

Gardenbird123 · 31/12/2024 11:57

I think she's jealous?

HardenYourHeart · 31/12/2024 11:42

I would go with a Mumsnet classic:

"Did you mean to be this rude?"

Repeat as needed.

TicklishMintDuck · 31/12/2024 11:03

Succumbes · 25/12/2024 14:37

I know full well that losing weight is hard but I don’t see why that means I need to comment on it. Comments like you’re looking well or good should be enough and I’m happy to comment like this but that’s as far as it goes. What exactly is wrong with that?

💯 agree. It took me years to get my mum out of commenting on my weight, and she still does it occasionally. I don’t understand why people think they have the right to comment on other people’s bodies!

DaftyLass · 25/12/2024 16:28

I would not comment on her weight, especially if she yo yos , as there is a high chance she will put it back on
Besides, I'm pretty sure everyone has got the message now we don't talk about others bodies

ThatLoudQuail · 25/12/2024 16:22

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sparkletin · 25/12/2024 15:20

Tell her to put the mince pie down. The only way to deal with these comments is to fire them back. She's jealous because she's fat.

Whoarethoseguys · 25/12/2024 14:54

DeadsoulsAngel · 25/12/2024 13:56

My mother did this for years.. The first thing she said when we saw each other was either ‘you’ve lost weight’ or ‘you’ve gained weight’. Funnily enough, we have no relationship now and I keep her well away from my daughter! She made one comment on my daughter’s weight when she was around 10 and hasn’t seen her since. It’s so, so damaging!

Congratulations on your weight loss, op. It’s very hard but I’m sure you look and feel great for it.

Happy Christmas! 🎄

I could have written this about my mother in law and sister in law. They were obsessed with people's weight.

Original poster
Succumbes · 25/12/2024 14:52

It’s not unfathomable, far from it. What’s more, why would i compliment a person on their weight loss when they’ve made borderline negative and inappropriate comments about my body?

OP posts:
ThatLoudQuail · 25/12/2024 14:48

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ThatLoudQuail · 25/12/2024 14:47

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SnoopysHoose · 25/12/2024 14:45

Go for the classic 'do you mean to be so rude?'

Original poster
Succumbes · 25/12/2024 14:42

There’s nothing telling about it at all. She clearly wants compliments about something I don’t feel comfortable talking about, weight. This is mostly due to the fact I have always struggled with my own weight and I feel like it’s a personal thing but also, I just don’t want to discuss it in general. There are far more exciting and important things to talk about.

OP posts:
Wonderi · 25/12/2024 14:41

YANBU

There’s one thing to compliment someone and then there’s making snide comments to make the person feel self conscious.

Anytime she asks, I would ask her right back.
Be nice about it but if she’s jealous of you then it may stop her commenting if she knows she’ll get the same question back.

ThatLoudQuail · 25/12/2024 14:39

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Original poster
Succumbes · 25/12/2024 14:37

I know full well that losing weight is hard but I don’t see why that means I need to comment on it. Comments like you’re looking well or good should be enough and I’m happy to comment like this but that’s as far as it goes. What exactly is wrong with that?

OP posts:
DarkAndTwisties · 25/12/2024 14:26

If you know she is trying to lose weight, bloody compliment her!

Nah, if someone makes constant comments about my weight, including ones meant as an insult ("oh you've got no arse") then I'm not complimenting them on their weight loss.

Partly because I wouldn't feel like complimenting them. And partly because I'd be telling them I didn't appreciate comments about my body, and if I'd commented on theirs I'd be undermining my argument.

itisafuckinggoat · 25/12/2024 14:22
  1. shes Jealous
  2. If you know she is trying to lose weight, bloody compliment her! For some of us losing weight is a massive struggle (maybe you too?) and it is a huge boost when someone asks you if you’ve lost weight.
Sossijiz · 25/12/2024 14:22

Ask her why she keeps talking about the single most boring subject in the universe.