Heartbroken-greedy aunt wwyd

OP , did you actually inherit this item from your mother? If your mother didn't leave it to you in her will it almost certainly belonged to your father.

I would act normal, arrange a visit, take back the silver, leave and block her. If you want to cover your back, call the police non emergency number first and tell them you're going to retrieve what she's stolen.

I know it's not about the silver. It's terrible behaviour from your aunt. I'm so sorry about your Mum. This is the last thing you need x

It is simple if she bequeaths it to you.Instead of falling out with her and behaving like a surly teenager, you could have asked that she leave the silver to you in her will.

It wasn’t your silver to give away. It was your father’s. I don’t get why the aunt is getting all the stick here. The issue is with your father.

Finally, I think it’s a tad naive to believe that your father will never remarry. Many do much later in life, not to declare their love, but to make sure the other partner is provided for when they die and IHT reasons

the silver was your mothers, to pass down to her children and grandchildren.

Er, from the facts available OP's mother didn't do that. OP's mother could have made that clear in her will. If she didn't, it belongs to OP's father.

Then it's a worse betrayal of she wanted something for the babysitting and didn't ask outright at the time. Instead she bullied OPs dad into getting it behind her back.

OP I never say NC. But I would now. Aside from taking the silver, it sounds like she's been abominable to your dad.

I would also make it clear to other family members why you're cutting things off, be factual and to the point.

The cutlery holds a lot of sentimental value to your aunt as it was her parents' cutlery. Your aunt may be concerned that the cutlery would no longer remain within her family if your father held onto the cutlery. The cutlery could be passed on to his new partner/wife on his death.

Taking the cutlery may have been your aunt's somewhat misguided way of ensuring the cutlery remains within her family. If your aunt has the cutlery, she has control and can pass it to you when she dies.

That makes no sense, I am pointing out that I posted very mildly compared to the vitriol being sent toward the aunt.
Don't feel obliged to reply, again.

I can understand why your dad handed it over. He lost your mum and some silver can’t change that, and more critically he did not want to listen to a load of whinging from your mum’s sister. You are right not to have a beef with him over this.

Your aunt on the other hand, has been a sneaky cow. Deliberately obtaining the silver in the summer, well away from Christmas. And leaving this as an upsetting realisation for you at Christmas. She’s been a total cow to obtain it after you said no and told her it’s part of your Christmas tradition.

on the other hand, it’s just “stuff”

What did she say in her defensive/nasty text - how bad was it?

It was passed to her husband. Who can choose to do what he wants with it. Including leaving it to his girlfriend.

The silver was passed down to OP’s mother. It doesn’t get passed sidewards unless there are no children.

She didn't steal it. She asked the owner for it and he gave it to her willingly. He's a grown man who could have said no but he didn't. Why is the aunt "greedy" for wanting to have items that belonged to HER parents in her possession? It's the exact position the Op is in. A very sentimental item that reminds her of food times with her deceased mother. Both aunt and op have the same emotional attachment to the objects and neither are the legal owners of the objects. But one is greedy and one is justified?

The items were sitting in the home of a man (not a direct relative) and his girlfriend. If he marries her the silverware becomes hers. Perhaps the aunt just couldn't face this happening. She asked for it and she got it.

The sense of entitlement and underhandedness is not easily forgiven.

You need to call her out. Be very clear with her that what she chooses to do next will determine your relationship going forward.

We, my mums children have not divided her belongings at all. They are still in the house with my dad,

Were your mother's belongings left to you and your siblings? If not, then they weren't yours to divide up. Your aunt didn't steal the cutlery- your father gave it to her. If the items weren't actually left to you then it was your father's call.

You come across as greedy and spiteful. Oh and your aunt lent you her car - unless you meant you were borrowing her car?

This is really sad. I suspect your dad's new relationship is part of why your aunt has behaved this way. People can behave in strange ways with grief and her misplaced feelings that your dad has betrayed your mum. I'm pleased to hear you don't hold the same feelings about this.
In your position, I would firstly write down your feelings, so you can assess what you want to say. Then I would have a conversation with aunt. I would come from a point of loving her, loving your mum and the expectation that this was something your mum woukd want you to have. That your aunt knew how you felt, but perhaps hadn't realised the depth of your feelings. That it feels like this is going to come between you, so you want to talk about it. That your first reaction was one of anger, sadness and extreme disappointment, mixed with feeling you are loosing a part of your mum all over again. That this jumble of feelings has made you want to cut off from her, to distance yourself from the hurt. However the adult part of you knows that longer term, it's better to try to sort this out. As your aunt shows she cares about you in lots of ways, I would assess this annomly against that backdrop of other kinder behaviour. Hopefully you can reach a compromise.

@ACatNamedRobin that doesn't excuse her behaviour at all. The silverware was what OPs mum got from her parents - presumably this aunt also received something. The silverware should then be passed down. If the aunt had a huge sentimental attachment to it she may have asked for it but in any case she was refused as it has now become an important sentimental item to the OP. To then steal it behind OPs back? This is a betrayal that negates any good things she has done in the past, which one assumes she did out of love.

OP is not grabby. Her mother was left family silver and I presume her mother’s siblings were left other meaningful things. That’s what dividing things is about.
I would assume that OP’s mum would assume the silver would go to her. It’s a direct line.
The dad should have chased the aunt.
The aunt knew it was wrong to not discuss it with her beloved niece. Hence the swoop.
One thing I would say is, it’s a good lesson in having a decent will and a letter of wishes. I have one down to a family fruit bowl.
This aunt is resentful. She clearly sees her parents things as hers.
What is she doing to use it for? To sit on her own?
I could not forgive this.

I understand you’re hurt, OP. But don’t blame your dad. Your aunt manipulated him. It would have been hard for your dad to refuse her..

I can also see your aunt’s point that she may have valued the family silver more than whatever she inherited, and feared your dad’s GF would get it. But that didn’t give her the right to demand it back.

Edited to add: I agree with PureBoggin. See if you can reach a compromise. Preferably for you to have it in her will, so you can pass it on to your children.

I'm going to go against the grain a bit here. The silverware belonged to her parents and just like it symbolised lovely family times for you it probably did for her too. She may have concerns that now your dad has a new partner the silverware might somehow fall out of the family. You sound like you have been close to her and people don't generally lend cars and offer child care to people they don't care a great deal for. I would be hesitant to allow this to come between us. I understand how angry you must feel at the duplicity and how she o trained the goods. Speak to her. Explain that you're upset about her going behind your back. Remind her how much this silverware means to you all but acknowledge that it may mean the same to her. Try and find a compromise. Can she leave the service to you and your family in her will? Can you share it, so you can still use it for special occasions?

What would your mum have prioritised - the relationship or the stuff?

Unless the OP was bequeathed the silver, then it’s of no concern to the OP who her DF gave the silver to. It was his to give and he chose to give it to the aunt. OPs issue should be with her DF not aunt.

I would put this to one side over Christmas and revisit in the New Year once everything is done and dusted for the holiday period.

OP you haven’t stated if the silver was bequeathed to you/siblings, which I’m guessing because your mother died so young, there was no provision for you or your siblings to be given the silver.

Therefore, the silver was your fathers.

Your issue should be with your father. He didn’t care if he gave it away- that should be your concern. He didn’t value the set, your aunt does. Surely it’s best going to her.

Additionally, seen as she has no children herself, it’s likely she will leave the silver to you.

Has she gone about this the right way? No. Was she upset that her parents silver is with your DF and he is now with a new partner, yes probably.

Let it go. She’s been kind to you and for some reason, this silver means a lot to her.

It was never yours to give. It was your father’s but it’s likely it will come your way anyway. Move on

Go to her house and get it all back.

It's that simple.

It isn't hers. She got her share of the estate when her parents passed away. It's yours (at least in my eyes it is).

I’d cut her off completely.

I have one rule where inheritance and assets are concerned. If you’re willing to fight over something that isn’t yours, then take it. But it’ll cost you your relationship with me. If you’re ok with that, then off you trott with said stuff.

When they chose stuff over people, you realise it was never about you anyway, and family isn’t important to them.

Sorry I'm not clear, when your Mum passed away did your Dad inherit the silver? If so it is unfortunately his decision whether and to whom to give it away. Still pretty rubbish of your Aunt to keep raising it with him for another decade (!) but also not great of your Dad if he knew how much it meant to you (and your siblings).