Heartbroken-greedy aunt wwyd

The Netherlands, for instance.

Your aunt is really really underhanded, and I would completely understand if you were to cut her off.

Her dad probably got sick of being pestered for it and just wanted peace.

I don't know why it's any more hers than yours. But if you feel she has taken it by force or stolen it report it to the police. But they probably won't want to get involved. Ask for it back.

I’d say if it’s been with OPs parents for a quarter of a century than she would be more attached to it.

Well, if we're only going on technicalities and we're leaving sentimentality, memories and feelings out it, then OP has no more right to it than her aunt. It was never hers and she had no right to it either, going by your logic.

She’s wrong though. It was never hers and she had no right to it. Plus it’s been with OP’s parents for 25+ years now.

Legally, it went to OP’s mum many years ago when she inherited it. After she died, it went to OP’s dad.

It was his to give away and sadly, stupidly and carelessly, he did it.

I do think he deserves some of the blame because giving away his wife’s sentimental family heirloom without checking if anybody cared was thoughtless and stupid. He shouldn’t get away with it by playing dumb and meek.

Unfortunately, unless left to one of her children in her will, all of the property belonging to the OP’s DM ends up with her DH and therefore he can do what he likes with it.

No, it was OP's grandparents' wedding gift, so it's very much to do with the aunt's heritage. It would have been used while her mum and her sister were growing up. So both OP's deceased mum and her aunt had/have lots of memories of using the silver at family celebrations, I imagine.

From the aunt's perspective, the silver probably didn't mean much to her brother-in-law (OP's dad) and it IS her family silver - it belonged to her parents. She probably feels ownership over it considering it was her parents' wedding gift and therefore grew up using it. I can see how she feels it should come to her next, since her sister is no longer with us - kind of a sideways move - before it goes back to OP's side when the aunt dies.

She has no children so presumably it will come to you eventually. She probably wants to have her turn to use it before that time. It's very annoying and yes, a little shady, but they are just objects and not worth a rift. Maybe they remind her of her own family celebrations when she and your mum were all young and they used it together. Maybe they're a connection to her parents.

Seriously, they are just inanimate objects. Absolutely not worth all this.

I'd call her out. It was your Parents wedding gift; nothing to do with heritage - incredibly grabby. My sister in law purloined two full sets of canteens of Silver cutlery plus Wedgewood Dinner service - my farther had just died and my mum was in no fit state to query as stuff was carried out.

Completely understandable OP that you feel such hurt and distaste for what she has done.
Hers is really ugly behaviour.
Of course it changes how you view her.

This is awful OP and sorry you have had to experience this and find out this way.

It has been exposed now who and what she is, so do what you need to do to protect yourself and your children.

I have learned a phrase while working on myself over the last two years. "When people show you who they are, believe them. " She's not a nice person OP. I'd just quietly slip out of her life if it was me tbh. Disgusting and mercenary behaviour by her

When its stuff it IS about legalities and you cannot "literally" or otherwise steal from someone who has died.

Op I'm with you I have a sister that's like this. It's not so much the value is it it's sentimental and the shitty and sly underhand way she's gone about it.

Sorry I have no advice but I know how hard it is not to go nuclear. People are shitbags.

If she was concerned about the silver going out of the family, the aunt could have told OP that she was going to make sure that the silver went eventually to op and her siblings by taking it back and willing the silver to op. The fact that she went behind op's back at a time when it wouldn't be easily missed speaks volumes.

She's got no guarantees that she will ever see the silver again even if she keeps up contact with the aunt.

In op's shoes I would let df know how hurt you are by his actions and if there is anything similar that he might let go of, tell him what you would want to treasure when the time comes.

With the aunt I would wait for her to initiate contact. She may go lc now she has the silver. If she does make contact, tell her how heartbroken you are about her taking away your link to your grandparents, and ask her why she felt you shouldn't have something to remember them by. I would find it difficult to regain the former relationship with her.

I agree with this. I'd give her a chance I think. Yes she's shown a sign you haven't seen before but she felt caught out and handled the situation badly.

I think you'd be cutting off your nose (and your DC's noses) to spite your face if your aunt is usually lovely. Going NC for this would be silly. I think I'd just have offered the cutlery to her when she first mentioned it. (But I'm a bit soft.)

Me too! I made a similar point in another post after the one you've quoted. Even French law doesn't disinherit a spouse entirely, AFAIK.

Why didn’t your dad say something to you at the time, when your Auntie came round for the silver??

The OP hasn't clarified which jurisdiction excludes spouses to the advantage of children. I'd love to know which one it is.

She didn't steal anything. She was given it by your father because he doesn't care or have any sentimental feelings about it. Did your father know it was not his to give away? Or does he think it was his.

If anyone has stolen it, isn't it your dad who gave it away when it wasn't his to do so?

That is disgusting behaviour from your aunt. It’s actually unforgivable, I just couldn’t get past it. The silver belonged to your mother and should have been passed to her children, she’s taken something which doesn’t belong to her and I would insist she returns it or the relationship is done.

She has shown you who she is. She has grabbed and lied, disrespected both your parents and you, and is now defensive and rude about it. Why would you want your children to spend time with someone like that? I wouldn’t hesitate to block her and move on. Invest the energy in your Dad.