Heartbroken-greedy aunt wwyd

I love a point made by another poster, “when she gets old and lonely she will realise the cutlery won’t be able to speak to her”.

unfortunately money shows people’s true hearts. That silverware wasn’t just a reminder of your GP’s but now your mum also and she knows this. Sneaking behind your back to your dad to collect something you said you wanted and not mentioning it because she KNOWS what she did was wrong. Sorry but I would cut her off, the children will get over it.

I would send a sharply worded text reiterating that it wasn’t hers to take, you made it clear you wanted it and she was extremely granny and disrespectful. I’d say you have been rethinking if you want someone like that around you and indeed your children and literally say that if she finds herself alone one day you wonder how much comfort the dinnerware will be to her!

In that case, the dad should have given it to OP after her mother passed.

I agree that technically, it should stay in that line, but the silver belonged to the aunt's mother and the aunt will have lots of happy memories of them using it as a family. Now that her sister isn't here to benefit from it, I can quite see why the aunt wants a turn with it. OP wasn't using it at this time anyway - it was with the dad.

Just report it then.

To get it all out in the open. The aunt does not have first dibs on stuff left by her parents as there are four other siblings.

Hope another day going by has helped calm your feelings op.

could you try unblocking your aunt and messaging her to say that you think you understand why she didn’t want your dad to have the silver due to his new relationship. But could she explain why she doesn’t think you are the rightful person to have it? Say that while it holds memories of your grandparents for you, it now has happy memories of your mother using it on special occasions. You had left it with your father as he was continuing to host events for your family, but you had always assumed you would continue to build those happy memories of it with your children, and one day would pass to them. Say that you don’t understand why she didn’t talk to you if she wasn’t happy.

she’d have to be very hard hearted to not respond.

The Christmas pies have become even more elaborate today.

It seems like you are where you are with this now op. You have decided that you no longer want the silver and you no longer want a relationship with your aunt?

What do you think this would achieve I wonder?

So five siblings, one (your mum) died.

Three siblings have 1/5 of family things/stuff/memories.

And one of them, unbeknown to the others, has 2/5.

I would be talking about this to other relatives, wedding or not.

Do the other cousins know if their parent dies it might happen to them too, they lose the stuff their parent cherished?

Why does your aunt want more than anyone else?

Which country are you in that the children not the spouse inherit?

The Netherlands, for instance.

Not true.

I think the silver was your Dad's to give away. I think any anger should be directed at him. Why didn't he tell you in the summer?

I kinda understand your aunt in that she felt a connection to the silver and probably thought your dad didn't (and maybe she was right given he gave them to her) and you didn't physically own the silver so were not connected to it. Had you and your siblings taken some of the bits I think your aunt would never have asked for anything.

I think you are right and your aunt is upset that your dad has moved on. She is still grieving her sister.

I understand you are hurting but take some time and see if you can forgive her.

Wow, you changed your tune and escalated a situation OP. And your reaction appears somewhat extreme
You 'loved' her because she helped with your family, lent you her car, etc, yet you are throwing this in the air because of a bit of your Grandparent's silver that you only use at Christmas?
Yes, your mum got this when her parents died, but your Aunt, as a daughter of your GP, and as a sister to your mum, might well have thought that it was to be hers after your mum died (because originally, the silver had been her mum and dad,s). Who knows what your mum, aunt and other siblings agreed when they divied your GP belongings between them. You may be assuming it should be yours because of 'tradition', but your mum may have verbally agreed it went to your aunt when she died.
I think if you're prepared to go NC with this woman after something you could actually solve by having oh, I don't know, oh yes, a conversation, after all she has done for you, I think a look in the mirror is called for.

No, it’s someone else’s wedding, it wouldn’t be fair to have a row about a set of silverware overshadow it.

In rows about inheritance somebody often has to choose to be the bigger person.

The reality is that it wasn’t the OP silverware, it was in her dad’s house, it was his to give and he did. He is fully mentally competent but the sounds of things.

Don’t let a row about stuff destroy a family.

It WAS her Dad's to give away. And if the Dad marries the girlfriend and dies, it would be that wife's, unless he specifically mentions it in a will. The OP mentions inheritance laws. That's how it works.

I don't slag off the socks

You kind of did, though, by writing "Hand-knitted socks! They completely lack the warmth i thought there was in between us."

The exclamation mark, and the way you seem to think someone making a personal gift for you with her own hands 'completely lacks' any warmth, does come across as slagging off the gift.

OP your aunt has chosen to damage your relationship with her awful behaviour.
I think you definitely should inform your siblings BEFORE the wedding.
They are entitled to know.

Its beyond the item, it is just shabby vulgar behaviour that I wouldn't want to be around.

Nobody has inherited anything in this situation, which is part of the issue.

Why oh why can’t some people with estates of any amounts get their shit together and cough up a few hundred lousy quid to sort out a will? It would mean a hell of a lot less heartbreak and stress amongst some bereaved families.

It's shit how inheritance turns people.

My Dad died a while back. Sib is preventing any distribution of the Estate as I won't agree to their terms (which is more 80:20 in their favour). I'm not close to the extended family, but was hoping to change that- and they said they're open to it at the funeral. Since then, Sib has been meeting up with everyone, bad-mouthing me and saying I won't allow distribution.

Family (Dad's remaining sibs) have taken my Sibs side. I have evidence (lots) but still want to allow them to be neutral. They don't want to be. So I've never had that sib relationship (he's abusive to me), but I've now lost my extended family.

OP it sounds like your aunt has been a such of comfort to you since your mother’s death. That she represents the familiar. You’d be losing a lot to let all that go.

If it belonged to your dad why would she ask your permission. It’s his.
I was with you until you said it was your grandparents wedding gift.
I mean come on you must be able to see from her pov … why should her bil, who is now in a new relationship, have her parents wedding present !

You could equally make a blanket statement that people with children think the world revolves around them & their children. Which isn’t of course true in all cases. Nor is it true that people without children are any more selfish or “unaware” than anyone else.

I think I’ve read most of the OP’s posts. I haven’t seen her once acknowledge that her aunt too is dealing with grief and sentiment having lost both her parents and her sister.

I would think it odd if my niece claimed to be as attached to an object gifted to my parents that I grew up with as I am.
As the OP has explained it I understand why the OP is also attached to the set. But I can see why the aunt might struggle to get it.

I know it's a kind of shitty thing to say which I why I acknowledged it could be hurtful. I meant less selfish and more unaware. I feel the ops aunt hasn't considered her as child of the dead sister

But like I said could just be an individual thing I've experienced with one person.

I always find people usually preface saying something truly awful with “God forgive me..”

People who don’t have children are no more selfish then anyone else. Awful statement to make.