Heartbroken-greedy aunt wwyd

She's shown you who she really is. It's not a nice look.

I think you need to decide what is most important..
The issue in hand. (And I agree with most that it is a despicable thing to do to you - and your father.. although he didn't help matters..)
If you decide you cannot let it drop, (I personally wouldn't) the solution is:
Never letting her see you or your children again.. (But they will get over it in time if you say something about aunty being 'busy' etc..) Although I will say, 'most' prefer families to stay tight..
And lose the babysitting, car rides etc..

NB She doesn't sound the sort of person to 'talk it out.' She made a decision for HER gain and others don't seem to matter it would appear.
I would (again personally,) cut this toxic person out of your life..
Would she be at your father's/a family gathering next Xmas or in the future? If yes, you need to tell her what she has done ... And work around avoiding her..
Sorry to hear of this shTT.. My father gave some family heirlooms to his cleaner when I was not there.. (I know she sold them for their gold value.. so upsetting..)

As much as your hurting over your mother your aunt is probably hurting also, this silverware was probably also part of her childhood and memories too, it was her mothers and she felt so strongly that she needed it that she risked hurting other family members for it.
just leave it. Your aunt is also grieving, keep that bond and you may get it back one day in her will.

Leave her to enjoy the silver in her lonely sad life. And cut her out. Your children won't miss/need the toxicity she brings.

Would it be reasonable to ask if she could bequeath you them when she passes? Also, theoretically she had no right to them, they should
pass to your dad and then to whoever he leaves his estate to

@Noihin

I'm sorry for your heartbreak and admire your restraint. Personally I'd go NC. Your plan to step back and go LC is definitely less dramatic.

Don't get sucked into doing eldercare when she needs it.

If she replies and you feel like sharing that, we are here.

Have an aunt who ‘stole’ items bequeathed to my mother and other siblings, she had history of doing this sort of thing throughout her life, I can never understand how people don’t pull them up on this, as at least it may make other family members aware and hopefully stop it, whether it’s valuable or sentimental it is not on.

I don't think you should say ether of those things. She needs to be told that your GP passed, the silver to your Mum and not to her. When your Mum passed away, the silver belonged to your Dad and he would then leave it to you and you to your kids. There was never any questioin if her getting it. Effectivly, she has stolen it.

Very sadly this kind of thigs happen a lot and often cause cracks in families. The old 'she always promised the .... to me' is usually the start and it's usually the spouses from outside the family who start it !

It's your Dad who should deal with this with the help of the other aunts/uncles/. He is the who made the mistake and she tricked him/ They can vouch for the fact that the split was mutually agreed.

She needs to know that you aren't fooled by her recent kindness. I wonder if she hadn't been covetting the silver from day 1. Please do't let her get waay with it.

Has she veen snitching other things from other aunts/uncles?

Tbh that's your own fault. You meant need in the hope he'd realise you'd (want) like something. He's not that intuitive.

Why lie to her? You certainly seemed angry and upset when you posted. Say nothing or say the truth.

In time she'll bitterly regret what she did. I'd cut her off because after what she did I couldn't look at her again. She will lose you and your DC too yet she puts a bit of silver above your relationship. One day she'll be old and alone and it will be her own fault.

For what it's worth, my aunt did something similar but with a photo album that my Grandfather gave to my mother - she pounced on my father about it at the funeral! Thankfully I had the forethought to remove it from the house. I potent a lot of time and money having it professionally copied into a coffee table type book for her, but apparently they just made me evil. She harassed my father (who was unwell) for months, used my infertility as I train I shouldn't get to keep it and eventually forced the rest of the family to take sides (hers) meaning that when my father died, I had no one.
I don't understand some people, but as they say, you can choose your friends ....

People find tales like the silver set hard to believe, but it does happen.
20 years ago my dear friends MIL was killed in a crash and by the time she got to the house to pick out an outfit her bedroom had been cleared of 75% of her beautiful wardrobe by her 3 sisters.

She could barely find something for her to be dressed in.
They were like locusts.
She never confronted them because the sheer shock of her death and trying to hold her husband up meant she couldn't face it.
But she hasn't gone near them since.
Disgusting behaviour.

What a truly horrible thing to do and how stupidly short sighted of her trading a relationship with you and your children for a $300 tea set. Whatever you decide to do you have the moral high ground and she ought to be ashamed of herself. Her behaviour has been stupid, greedy and short sighted, I’m not surprised you see her in a different light.

You were gaslighted. No way I'd speak to her ever again. What a witch.

Start your own thread.

THIS ^

This is why making a will is so important.

ALL I GOT FROM MY BOYFRIEND WAS A BOX OF CHOCOLATES!
My boyfriend of 5 months has had 2 holidays with his mates during this time (both arranged before we met). Both times he brought me back perfume he had purchased in the airport duty free shop. They were not favourites of mine but I really appreciated the thoughtfulness. This is our first Christmas together. I was shopping in Pavers and there was a good sale on mens' boots (which he needs). I took a pic of a smart pair costing £75 (now half price) and sent it asking if he liked them. He replied "Yes please, size 8.". He didn't ask what they cost, he presumed I was buying them for his Christmas as he never offered to pay or ask to see them when I returned from shopping. I was happy to to buy them and also bought him a dressing gown from Next. He asked me what I'd like for Christmas and I replied that I didn't NEED anything. I helped him choose nice gifts for his two DD. On Christmas day he was invited to join my brother and his wife for dinner. He gave me a £5 box of CHOCOLATES for my Christmas ! I know I said I didn't need anything but still I feel so disappointed! AIBU

That's how I see it. The father gave them to her over the summer - six months ago? - and it's only just been noticed. The aunt probably looks at them every day.

Yes basically this. You reap what you sow.

I’d let it go, maybe she is going to use them regularly, whereas you / your siblings would probably only use them once a year, can you agree with her that they are to be left to you and your siblings when she passes away,
She behaved in an underhanded way but it’s not the hill I would want to die on, if she is generally ok just focus on her other good qualities and move on.

Of course you aren’t being unreasonable.

even legally, the items belonged to your mum and as a result, sans her making other arrangements, her husband and then children. Siblings are not entitled to remove items from a spouse or offspring.

She’s shown a horrible side of herself. If you want a conversation about it, I’d let her know you were shocked she had preyed on your father in this way and you want to understand why she doesn’t respect you and the rest of her sisters family.

This.