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AIBU?

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Heartbroken-greedy aunt wwyd

315 replies

Noihin · 25/12/2024 10:58

My mum was one of 5 siblings, and when my GPs died over 20 years ago, the siblings divided their parents belongings amongst each other. GPs were not wealthy but had some nice things. My mum got their wedding silver. Mum was really happy and we used them every Christmas. It was a big deal for her. I was also close to my GPs.

As soon as my mum died 10 yrs ago (she is the only sibling that has passed and died quite young) my mums sister started to mention she wants the silver and it belongs to her. We, my mums children have not divided her belongings at all. They are still in the house with my dad, and we prefer it that way. I told her no. And that we use it, and it is part of our tradition.

I have grown really close to this aunt since my mums death. She has no children of her own and has been a huge part of our lives with babysitting, borrowing me her car etc. I have thought we have a genuine love for each other.

Now, i'm at my dads and i saw that the silver is gone. My dad said aunt came and demanded it last summer and he gave it her. He says its only materia and he doesn't think its right but he doesn't care.
I am deeply hurt. She went behind my back to do this, and has not once mentioned this to me all this time. I texted her to ask why she did this and she turned defensive and nasty. A side i've never seen if her before. I am heartbroken. I feel betrayed and manipulated. The monetary value is not much, but its the greed, betrayal and disregard, as well as seeing the shady side of her that has shaken me. I don't know what to do. Im very bad at keeping up the appearances if someone has hurt me. On the other hand my children will miss her if i stop seeing her.

OP posts:
Spangledangle · 25/12/2024 12:16

I understand where youre coming from but I think I'd take a different view of it if you're close and she's done a lot for you over the years. The silver could stay with her untill she dies and then go's back to you. It's obviously a reminder of her parents and your sister and I wouldn't begrudge it her if we were close. She doesn't have kids so it's not going anywhere and you could crack it out for xmas and occasions.

CarTransporterTransporter · 25/12/2024 12:14

TheignT · 25/12/2024 11:59

So your father did what the OPs father did and gave away an heirloom from your family?

My father was about to die and left it to the person he wanted to have it. My aunt took it from that person.

Mrsbloggz · 25/12/2024 12:13

OfMiceandWomen · 25/12/2024 11:09

If she has no children she might leave the cutlery to you in her will and you might get it back.

Pigs might fly
Pretend to be her friend go around to her house and steal it back when you get the chance.
Then deny all knowledge

Jennyathemall · 25/12/2024 12:12

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 25/12/2024 11:59

@Noihin she virtually stole it!! she is a horrible person who will rot in hell! why the hell did you let her into your house, whether or not she had presents?????

Edited

Jesus Christ get a grip

EmmaLou123 · 25/12/2024 12:12

If she has no children it will eventually come back to you anyway

WaitingforStrike · 25/12/2024 12:11

Noihin · 25/12/2024 12:10

Because the 'love' now feels like manipulation.

Like you got nothing out of it

Noihin · 25/12/2024 12:10

WaitingforStrike · 25/12/2024 12:05

Wtf? What's wrong with that? She babysits for you, lends you her car, knits for you - ooh, how horrible!
Surely the silver would come to you in the end. I can see why someone who actually remembers her parents using it would like to have it. She's been deceptive in how she got it but you sound entitled and grasping imho.

Because the 'love' now feels like manipulation.

OP posts:
batt3nb3rg · 25/12/2024 12:09

adorablecat · 25/12/2024 11:56

But the silver was never yours was it? It was your dad's property and he chose to hand it over.

What does legality have to do with a conflict between family members? If my husband’s parents chose to give their family dog away to a stranger on Gumtree, they would be fully within their rights to do so, but their adult children would also be fully within their rights to be furious that they were not asked if they wanted him. I can legally divorce my husband and start dating his brother if I want to, but my children might have some opinions on that!

Noihin · 25/12/2024 12:07

OfMiceandWomen · 25/12/2024 12:03

Was your Aunt left anything when her parents died.

Yes. All divided equally between siblings. My mum is the only one of them who has died (cancer). And i was closest to my GPs out of all the GC, since im one of the oldest and they looked after me a lot. So it also hurts that she thought i don't 'deserve' to inherit anything.

OP posts:
WaitingforStrike · 25/12/2024 12:06

I have grown really close to this aunt since my mums death. She has no children of her own and has been a huge part of our lives with babysitting, borrowing me her car etc. I have thought we have a genuine love for each other.
If the above is true, that's worth far more than silver.

AlmostCutMyHairToday · 25/12/2024 12:05

She hasn't been showing signs of dementia has she?

WaitingforStrike · 25/12/2024 12:05

Noihin · 25/12/2024 11:15

Im so sad. Not even angry. I just opened a present from her. Hand-knitted socks! They completely lack the warmth i thought there was in between us. Thats hurts more than the silver. She can keep it.

Wtf? What's wrong with that? She babysits for you, lends you her car, knits for you - ooh, how horrible!
Surely the silver would come to you in the end. I can see why someone who actually remembers her parents using it would like to have it. She's been deceptive in how she got it but you sound entitled and grasping imho.

johnyhadasister · 25/12/2024 12:05

One of those things. The famous family silver. Thank God that she got rid of it and now get rid of her

OfMiceandWomen · 25/12/2024 12:03

Was your Aunt left anything when her parents died.

NormanBateslonglosttwin · 25/12/2024 12:01

I doubt you'll get it back tbh. It became his to sell /give away, he gave it to your aunt as he didn't want it. She might have sold it already but then it's probably stuffed in a cupboard. She probably didn't want it but then didn't want you to have it either. Some people are strange like that with needing to be in charge or controlling. She doesn't sound like a great loss.

FeegleFrenzy · 25/12/2024 12:00

adorablecat · 25/12/2024 11:56

But the silver was never yours was it? It was your dad's property and he chose to hand it over.

I disagree with this. The silver hadn’t come from his side of the family. I know legally it was probably his as the surviving spouse but it should have been able to be passed down. If the OPs mother had had it then that meant being passed down to her children eventually.

regardless of the legalities the aunt has been deceptive, she was told no and then went behind the OPs back to get it and has been nasty once confronted. I’m not sure I’d maintain a relationship

LoafofSellotape · 25/12/2024 12:00

adorablecat · 25/12/2024 11:56

But the silver was never yours was it? It was your dad's property and he chose to hand it over.

Absolutely this. You need to talk to your dad about it then when you're calmer your aunt and discuss how you feel. This is how families split,is it really worth it?

TheignT · 25/12/2024 11:59

CarTransporterTransporter · 25/12/2024 11:54

I have an aunt like this. So nice to your face. Pillar of the community. Loved by all. Can do no wrong. When she found out my DF had given a family heirloom to his own aunt (my great aunt) she went to that 85 year old aunt's house and pressured her to give aunt the heirloom, so she got it. She also did corkers like stealing DF's inheritance from DGM. There's loads more. But she's so nice.
I hope there's a hell and she burns in it TBH.
So sorry you've been stung by one of these awful people.

So your father did what the OPs father did and gave away an heirloom from your family?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 25/12/2024 11:59

@Noihin she virtually stole it!! she is a horrible person who will rot in hell! why the hell did you let her into your house, whether or not she had presents?????

adorablecat · 25/12/2024 11:56

But the silver was never yours was it? It was your dad's property and he chose to hand it over.

batt3nb3rg · 25/12/2024 11:55

SapphOhNo · 25/12/2024 11:06

I'd be furious at both your aunt and your dad. Why did he hand it over?

I agree, the aunt is terrible but OP’s dad has seriously betrayed his own children. His late wife’s possessions might all legally belong to him, but they are not part of his family history, and morally, he had absolutely no right to be giving away his children’s family heirlooms. I would wait until the new year and tell dad in no uncertain terms that he was responsible for getting the silver back by next Christmas.

HelplessSoul · 25/12/2024 11:55

Noihin · 25/12/2024 11:53

Im not angry. Just a few days ago she dropped off some presents for us and hugged me and said how much she loves me. I don't lie to and deceive people i love. She knew i objected. My dad didn't. I hadnt even talked about the silver with him because i honestly couldn't see this coming. Its the shadyness. And i feel manipulated.

You should return the knitted tat she gave you, filled with dogshit.

Thats the minimum she deserves.

CarTransporterTransporter · 25/12/2024 11:54

I have an aunt like this. So nice to your face. Pillar of the community. Loved by all. Can do no wrong. When she found out my DF had given a family heirloom to his own aunt (my great aunt) she went to that 85 year old aunt's house and pressured her to give aunt the heirloom, so she got it. She also did corkers like stealing DF's inheritance from DGM. There's loads more. But she's so nice.
I hope there's a hell and she burns in it TBH.
So sorry you've been stung by one of these awful people.

Noihin · 25/12/2024 11:53

Im not angry. Just a few days ago she dropped off some presents for us and hugged me and said how much she loves me. I don't lie to and deceive people i love. She knew i objected. My dad didn't. I hadnt even talked about the silver with him because i honestly couldn't see this coming. Its the shadyness. And i feel manipulated.

OP posts:
TheignT · 25/12/2024 11:50

GRex · 25/12/2024 11:20

You seem confused about whether the silver has material or sentimental value. If it has sentimental value for you, then that sentiment would be much greater for her because it belonged to her parents. It doesn't seem likely that she plans to sell it. Given she has no children, it would have been nice to let her have it if she put in her will for it to come back to you. She is likely very worried that the new girlfriend will marry to get everything on your dad's death and have it sold. Whether that is likely or not you simply can't know yet, you'd be surprised how often it happens. If it was given to you rather than your dad holding into it, then that might have been the better solution for everyone. Now your aunt's taken it, it sounds you'll never have a relarionship again and that's a shame for all of you, but it is what it is. Hopefully she can still be persuaded to leave it to someone in the family in her will.

I agree with this. When my gran died she didn't have much but my mum did want a clock she had, my gran loved clocks. Anyway uncle had it, mum was OK with it as he was her baby brother. He got divorced some years later and his ex took the clock. She now has dementia and no one knows where it is. Not a valuable clock but my gran loved it, my mum loved it and my uncle loved it and now we have no idea where it is.

I think I'd say I'd let her borrow it but I'd be having it back when she has no more use for it i.e. when she's dead.