Heartbroken-greedy aunt wwyd

@kittybiscuits then her anger is misplaced if her father gave away something that wasn’t his to give?

As stated anyone can ask for anything, the answer can be yes or no. It can even be "no because it doesn’t belong to me".

Her father chose the yes option and then didn’t tell the OP. I’ve read the thread…

It wasn't his to give away. Read the thread.

I know a little about how you feel. My mum took stuff from my nan’s house before she died. My nan always said my DS could have these little ornaments that they played with from when he was a little baby. They were really close and always cuddling.

I don’t talk to my mum as I can’t deal with her. I noticed in the summer that the ornaments were missing. My Nan said my mum took them. My mum took so much stuff from my nan’s house that it was practically bare.

when my Nan died, she was in hospital and my mum took all her rings and jewellery off her for alleged safekeeping and took all the jewellery from her house. She was not an only child. She has a brother!!!

I asked for the ornaments for my DS and mum said that she had given them to random cousins of hers. She isn’t in touch with the family. I’ve never met them my entire life apart from maybe my great nan funeral when I was a teenager over 30 years ago.
my DS was hurt as they aren’t even valuable just a momento. Then a year later she magically finds one and gives it to him. It’s not even the same one but clearly one she found at a car boot sale!

then my uncle finds out that his sister has drained the bank accounts that she had access to before my nan even died she had the money that my nan set aside for inheritance!

I got nothing from my nan to remember her by. My aunt in law who I don’t know grabbed some clothes and I’ve sealed them up so they still retain the scent of my Nan.

none of my siblings speak to our mum as she’s so narcissistic we just can’t deal.

Take a pause and calm down. This (feeling like her sister has been replaced) is probably the crux of it rather than her trying to steal your cutlery. If she feels like that she probably doesn’t want the new GF to be using your mums important, sentimental items. She is grieving her sister. Don’t let this wash away all the stuff she has done for you and with you. Is it worth throwing all that away before speaking with her to make sure you understand the context properly and at least then you can decide what you want to do with full information?

Bit late to the thread so you may not reply. You haven't said what your siblings think about it. Have you not spoken to them.
Surely it would be up to all of you to decide what to do.
If you let it go without them knowing they may think you are in with the aunt hoping to receive them off her for yourself.

That's disgusting. Your mum's things would NOT go to her sister unless she specifically said so in her will. How could she take advantage of her sister's death like that! In effect she stole them. I don't think I would ever speak to her again, and I would tell all the family what she did behind your back.

I could have written this! What goes around, comes around and my aunt insisted that something had been left to her, but turns out there was no will and when she came to sell said item, she had to split the proceeds, even trying to get all other parties to sign it over to her, which didn't work! Sadly I lost links to a side of the family that once we were close to and that's the real loss, one of trust and care, something that is very easy to lose and impossible to fully get back.

We've got loads of silver; in DH culture it's a very common wedding gift. I'll be telling DS to sell it all off when we die, or if DH passes before me, I'll look into selling it. Takes up a lot of space, barely gets used, and ups the insurance premium.

Lots of countries that follow Napoleonic law, like France and Italy. Should my DH due before me, our son inherits. I'd get left a smaller percentage and the right to live in the house, or sell it and buy another for my son. I'm fine with that. It stops the money leaving the blood family and protects the children.

My GP gave something valuable to my dad, telling dad that he wanted him to have it as he was the eldest son. My Grandfather passed and nothing was said about the item by the wife of the younger son (who sadly died months before his father.)
After my dad sadly passed away, my aunt, the dil mentioned above, contacted me to demand that I send her the item. I refused, we’re not talking. It was very upsetting and none of us needed this at such a difficult time. I know that she wouldn’t have asked my dad for it because she knew it was legitimately his as she knew my GP passed it to him. She thought I would be a soft touch. Awful behaviour from a greedy grasping woman. So I understand how you feel @Noihin

OP something similar happened after my father's death regarding a painting. A cousin claimed my Dad had promised he could have it and in fact had already taken it away to his house. There was no way of knowing whether it was true that my Dad had promised it to him, but my brother & I decided it was better to let him have it because the alternative was to insist he return it, effectively calling the cousin a liar.... so we gave him the benefit of the doubt. But we felt uncomfortable because there was a sense he may have worked on my father in the period before his death and that my father may have said yes just to stop being pestered about it

Ah man I don’t think I could get too bothered about this as I wouldn’t have attached too much sentimental value to the silver. It clearly mattered to the aunt and I would personally find peace and let it go and tell myself it would be much loved by aunt and probably in a cupboard unpolished at my house

@Rosscameasdoody when people die it's not unusual for relatives to ask for something to remember them by. The person being asked can either say yes or no. OP's father said yes.

Ah, my mistake!

Her BIL was her sister's husband and as such, in the absence of a will, was her next of kin who legally inherited his late wife's property. Sadly if he gave it to the grabby aunt and coercion cannot be proved then there's not much in law that could be done. Personally I would be seeking out the local scallies to recover it though!

How would OP’s dad know to give it to her if she didn't ask for it outright ?

@Rosscameasdoody it was given to her, she didn't walk in and take it...

But they did go to a daughter first didn’t they - OP’s mum ? And would have passed to a grand daughter - the OP.

This sounds a mature response. Uou must be really upset, but yes, protect yourself by seeing the real relationship.

None of this makes it right. It wasn’t hers to take or demand to be given.

Sounds like some of dh's relatives. DBiL died in an accident in summer. MiL/SiL asked his widow for the ring back that his parents had bought for his 21st over 45 years ago because it was "theirs". His widowed wife was wearing it on her finger at the time.

We are NC with said MIL.

So the aunt spent 20 years loving her niece and grand nieces/nephews. The OP describes her as being like another grandmother. She was so present in their lives that the children would notice their great aunt not being around.

She has likely spent the cost of the £200-300 silver 5 times over in help, gifts and treats. All as a ruse waiting for the OP to let her guard down so she can take her mothers silver.

Silver that was given to her LAST summer and the OP didn't notice until now and it wasn't significant enough for her father to even mention. Yeah, sounds right 😒

I am sorry your aunt has turned like this, it is hurtful. She was in the wrong, however there's not much you can do about it. I don't know how old she is but people can become a bit like that as they age, especially those with no children - not all, I hasten to say, but some definitely do, I've seen it.

There's nothing you can do about it now, please treat your aunt as you always have, be the bigger person. In the scheme of things, this is not a big issue and certainly not worth falling out over. If the silver gives her pleasure, let it be. No doubt she will leave it to you when she passes anyway.

(You said, "...borrowing me her car, etc". How can she 'borrow' you her car :-) ?)

If the law is different in your country and the children inherit and you were just keeping that stuff at your dads house, why can't you say that to her? Tell her it was your mums set and therefore yours, not your dads ro give away. Get the set back!

What would your mum have wanted? Do you think she would have wanted her sister to have the silver to remember her and their mother? Perhaps that's the only relevant question to ask.

If you think mum definitely would have wanted your father to have it then pursue it further. If part of you is unsure what your mother would have wanted then the it's a grey area. Perhaps the sisters discussed it informally before she died?

If you feel like taking the set is truly down to fierce loyalty to your mum now that your Dad has moved on and it's upsetting her to think of it becoming another woman's pride and joy. Maybe have a frank discussion with her and see if you can have it at your place? I don't think your grandmothers silver is that important to your Dad. He probably isn't giving it a second thought.