We’re sat here on Christmas morning and both dc are excitedly playing with presents. Dh and I have had a tough year as we’re on opposite pages when it comes to having a third. As always though, the person who doesn’t want one overrides the one who does. I feel resentful but am trying to come to terms with it.
This morning, however, I just have an overwhelming feeling of sadness watching my two playing, instead of happiness. I feel the tears rising constantly, knowing that I won’t have a third and keep having to swallow them and blink them away. Dh is asking if I’m okay and I keep saying yes as I don’t want to ruin the day or upset him either. I am grateful for what I have but watching both dc, in my gut I just feel like we’re missing one person. I’m worried I’ll never shake this feeling and eventually it will tear Dh and I apart. I love him and want our marriage to work. Any advice on how to get through the day with a smile on my face would be appreciated.