To be thinking about the disappointment of not having a third baby?

@Azertyuio123 other peoples infertility isn't her problem is it?

I wanted 3 children too but my DH didn’t. Now that they’re older I’m so glad we didn’t have a 3rd as I have more time & money to give my 2 DC. Teenagers can be expensive and can need more emotional support through exams and friendships issues than you might imagine. I now look at the positives of not being spread too thinly and having more time for my own hobbies than I would if I had 3 DC.

I agree with your DH - I think this is more about the loss of your dad. I'm sorry for your loss. A baby won't fill that hole.

Gosh, I would love to have two happy, healthy children. Even one child, who is not disabled, looks pretty good right now.

Do you ever meditate. I'd practice some gratitude meditations they can be really helpful for bringing you back to the present and helping you come to terms with things.

You know people will tell you you're unreasonable, but I get how you feel.

I have 3 and we started ttc our 4th now.

Unfortunately my period arrived yesterday and I felt a bit crap too.

However, I put on my big girl pants to make it a joyful day for my children.

Lots of love xx

This is so sad. I’m so happy to be entertained today by my daughter and her partner who are expecting their first baby any day. I was so worried that she wouldn’t have a chance to be a mother, when she wanted it so much.
enjoy your two and count your blessings 🥰

@KittyPup try and distract yourself - I know it can be hard. I have one . I would have loved to have two but it wasn't to be. I only know my life as the three of us and we don't live near family so it's just us three today. My DS is still young and is so excited about Christmas. I've been building Lego and eating gingerbread men that he made already this morning (they were crunchy 😀). I'm just embracing it. Yes I'm thinking what would it be like if there was another but you k ow what - I'm happy as we are. We are happy. I just had to accept and remind myself to be grateful of all the good in my life..

Try and take some time for yourself today - a walk - have a cry - it's good for you! Release it.
Have a good day. Take care 🎄

I understand how you feel. I had my second at 38 and really wanted another one but DH wasn’t ready. When he finally felt ready I had just turned 43 and had to experience all the blessings that come with TTC over 40, namely multiple miscarriages.

I was extremely resentful towards him. I don’t believe sweeping things like that under the carpet is good for anyone so I made it very clear and obvious, we discussed and argued about it many times. I also had counselling which helped but ultimately what helped me the most was time, it’s quite sad but true that time heals everything.

We’ve never stopped TTC but I had multiple miscarriages, 9 in total. This year I told DH that I was done, he wanted to keep trying. I got pregnant in June and I am currently 28 weeks.

I think it was ultimately a lesson for both of us and we emerged stronger and different people on the other side. I’m very happy to be pregnant finally with a healthy baby but if this was not meant to be I found my peace about whatever outcome.

Don't waste this time with your children and husband.

Put it to one side for today. They love you.

Tell yourself you'll review everything else tomorrow or NY or whenever.

But grab what you have now.

I agree. I wonder if the fantasy of having a third has been what you've thought about it in the middle of difficult times. But right now, it sounds like the person your family is missing from the Christmas celebrations is you.

Kindly, get over it.

Try being infertile.

Can you just… accept that someone is missing? I don’t know. I definitely know the feeling. Sorry to say that once our 3rd was here I finally felt the relief that everyone was here. BUT if DH hadn’t wanted a third, i would have had to just accept that feeling, and focus on the two I had. It’s a sacrifice/compromise in the story of your marriage. Key element would be DH appreciating/acknowledging that you’ve made that choice to accept your disappointment.

Just my take. Three is bananas and life would be so much calmer with 2!

It's fine to feel sad. People are being very glib about your genuine feelings.

I had a third after two terrible miscarriages. I desperately wanted my third, despite having two healthy children. I don't think that makes me ridiculous or indifferent to the suffering of women with no children.

I don't think feelings go away because you ignore them.

OP can feel love and gratitude for her two children AND sad about not having a third.

Losing your Dad must have rocked your world.

Don't pressure yourself to enjoy this Christmas. Maybe just feel your feelings and move through it.

There is nothing wrong with feeling like your family isn't complete. It's a strong biological urge and it doesn't matter how many healthy children you have it still causes pain if you want more. But today isn't the day to do this. Push it aside and talk to your husband another time.

Not negating any feelings you have, this could be your last Christmas, and you're moping about over an non existent child when you have 2 happy healthy right there in front of you. Anything could happen over the next 12 months, you know this with the death of dad, stop arsing about, you can never guarantee a future (you can ruin it), you have to live today.

Oh you have had an awful year. I think the grief of losing your father is heavily tied into wanting a third.

You do love and appreciate your two children. It’s ok to feel sad, it’s ok to have any feeling.

big hugs. Christmas can bring up all sorts of feelings

Why can't you enjoy the children you do have, rather than moon over a hypothetical third? Just live in the moment, OP - that is all anyone can do.

Maybe consider some counselling in new year and look at your life generally - maybe a new job, volunteering, new hobbies would help. It’s sad you don’t feel your existing 2 children are enough, they will pick up on your mood.

I feel for your friend whose child was stillborn. My first was still born at 31 weeks when I was 38, I was convinced that was my only shot at being a mother. I have since had 2 beautiful children and every day I thank the universe that I was blessed with them, I appreciate every second and never forget how lucky I am

You’re absolutely allowed to be sad at the loss of your Dad. That is tough, and I’ll bet feeding into the yearning for another child.

You can't sensibly tear apart a loving family because of an imaginary child. Be grateful for the two you have and please never let them feel inadequate.

I understand OP, I always wanted 3 but we stopped at 2. It took a while to come to terms with it, but I know it was the right decision for us.

If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t want to risk my marriage and happy family unit over trying for another. You’ve got two wonderful healthy happy kids. Suck up the feelings for today and live in the moment. enjoy every moment of playing, toys, Lego, games, etc.

Do not let your sadness affect today. Talk through some more with your DH tomorrow. Even if the discussion is “I know it’s right to stop now, but I’m struggling to get over it, please can you help me” any DH worth his salt will try and comfort and talk you through this.

Here with my one and enjoying her. Sorry, I can’t relate to feeling sad watching two happy children play. Ultimately you just have to suck it up, because the alternative is you blow up your family for a hypothetical future child who doesn’t exist. Don’t spoil the day for yourself for the sake of a concept.

Sorry you’ve lost your dad though, I can relate to that bit.

Enjoy the children you have not some idealistic picture of life with 3.
This is actually really sad maybe get some counselling

You're not missing anything, your family is complete. Make sure they have a brilliant day and you will too. You have more than most.