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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to have my little Christmas strop here rather than in real life and to ask you to share yours too?

78 replies

HornungTheHelpful · 25/12/2024 09:16

So, it’s been a crap stressful year. Marriage has been strained by outside factors. H worked away for most of December. Things finally improving and was mildly looking forward to today. Anyway, he is ill. Properly, not leaving bedroom unwell. Not overreacting - he’s in a bad way. So I’m here by myself with three smallish children (7 and under) limited food options as we are supposed to be at my mum’s this afternoon through Boxing Day. He’s done none of the Christmas morning work so I’ve done it all (and not saying he should just upset I’m on my own spinning all the plates again). He hasn’t opened any of the presents I got him (again not saying he should have - just upset by circumstances) and he’s now asleep and I don’t know what we’re supposed to be doing.

I just don’t want to be on my own anymore. And here I am at Christmas by myself again.

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 25/12/2024 09:56

Why do people put turkey's on so early? I don't get it. My mum used to be up at seven doing the turkey. I'm 55 so cooked plenty of Turkey and wouldnt be thinking about putting it in for a couple of hour's yet. We are aiming to eat at three as I had complaints that eating at 6 doesn't leave enough time for a buffet later. Happy to oblige but really putting a turkey on at 7 seems madness

Barrenfieldoffucks · 25/12/2024 09:49

Staying at an inlaws, all very nice. Shared bed with 7 yr old, leaving 14 and 12 year old sharing one room, and DH in another. Blithely thinking that 7 yr old would probably sleep until 6ish, and I could save the others waking early.

He woke at 1145, then 3, then for the day at 445. 4hrs 32 mins sleep. Got up at 515. He was very good, and happy, came downstairs quietly for coffee, film etc while opening his stocking. Take some cold and flu tabs as feel sinusy. Put turkey on.

Big kids come down around 0630 and open theirs. DD goes back to bed after as full of cold.

DH comes down at 0730, after a full night's sleep, with a bit of a hangover and a cold.

Everyone else appears a few mins after, all commenting how tired he looks, would he like a paracetamol etc etc. 12 year old suggests he goes back to bed cause he looks tired etc.

All the while I'm sat there rolling my eyes after 4.5 hrs sleep, having done everything 😂

Anyway. He's a great husband and dad, and is currently in the kitchen doing stuff so all is fine, but it did rankle at the time.

Sorry your morning hasn't been great OP.

Chocolately · 25/12/2024 09:49

Definitely go to your mums, otherwise the kids will miss out.

PermanentTemporary · 25/12/2024 09:48

I think go. Bugs go round at Christmas. He would like some quiet and will recover quicker. You will enjoy yourself and will have more hands with the kids.

HornungTheHelpful · 25/12/2024 09:46

My concern about going is because my sister is pregnant and we may be incubating whatever H has. They’ve said come so we may go but I don’t want to infect her and I’d feel bad leaving H, even if he doesn’t really want us here (in the nicest possible way)

OP posts:
postingpastbedtime · 25/12/2024 09:46

You can make Xmas special by just playing with your children. Go to your mums without him amd celebrate with him another day

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 25/12/2024 09:43

Why cant you still go to your mums?

diddl · 25/12/2024 09:43

Why aren't you going to your mum?

HornungTheHelpful · 25/12/2024 09:42

Thank you for the extremely kind and gentle head wobbles and understanding. I am going to pull myself together and just have fun with the kids (when they stop fighting 🤣)

OP posts:
GeorgeMichaelsCat · 25/12/2024 09:40

Dinosweetpea · 25/12/2024 09:20

Go to your mums as planned, he can rest and you get company.

This is what I'd do. If he is that ill, he will be asleep most of the day anyway. No need for you to suffer in silence.

Nomorecoconutboosts · 25/12/2024 09:28

Yes - adding to those asking if you could still go to your mum’s

what i find is if my dh is ill, it highlights the inequalities that are already there. So in OP’s case you had already done the Christmas morning prep all on your own. So although dh is genuinely unwell, you’d be forgiven for perhaps having some resentment that you’d already done so much. And now he can’t do anything!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 25/12/2024 09:26

Eat the selection boxes for breakfast, then go to your mother's as planned and enjoy Christmas. Your husband can sleep it off in peace, and hopefully will feel better by the time you get back tomorrow.

BookGoblin · 25/12/2024 09:26

This was my Christmas last year. Plans cancelled, on own while DP was ill.

It was a bit flat but it passed. Sympathies OP

ApparentlyRockBottomHasABasement · 25/12/2024 09:25

BilboBlaggin · 25/12/2024 09:20

Can you leave him some food and drink for easy access and take the kids to your family as planned?

This would be the best option. He’d get rest to recover, you and the kids still get Christmas.

balletflats · 25/12/2024 09:25

Oh no, this is the worst timing. I bet he just wants to sleep. Can you ring your mum to make a plan for the day? I would sort him a tray with easy snacks and cold drinks, paracetamol or whatever you have and take that up to him. Get the kids ready and go to your mum's so they can open presents with an audience. If DH is up for it he can join in on a videocall or sleep if he needs to.
Hope your day improves, be gentle with yourself.

Pottedpalm · 25/12/2024 09:24

Go to mum’s for lunch?

WillowTit · 25/12/2024 09:23

that's a shame op
you can make it good though, if different

Horriblevirusagain · 25/12/2024 09:22

HornungTheHelpful · 25/12/2024 09:16

So, it’s been a crap stressful year. Marriage has been strained by outside factors. H worked away for most of December. Things finally improving and was mildly looking forward to today. Anyway, he is ill. Properly, not leaving bedroom unwell. Not overreacting - he’s in a bad way. So I’m here by myself with three smallish children (7 and under) limited food options as we are supposed to be at my mum’s this afternoon through Boxing Day. He’s done none of the Christmas morning work so I’ve done it all (and not saying he should just upset I’m on my own spinning all the plates again). He hasn’t opened any of the presents I got him (again not saying he should have - just upset by circumstances) and he’s now asleep and I don’t know what we’re supposed to be doing.

I just don’t want to be on my own anymore. And here I am at Christmas by myself again.

Can you go to your mum's and let him rest?

SwingTheMonkey · 25/12/2024 09:22

I’m so sorry, that sounds rough. I think if it were me, I’d make sure dh had painkillers/ drinks etc to hand and go to my mums.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 25/12/2024 09:22

That sucks OP, I'm sorry. But all the "Christmas must look like XYZ or it's ruined " is just movie nonsense. Do what you can with the kids to have fun, play games, eat whatever mad food combinations you can scrape up, watch silly movies etc. You're still with the people you love, even if one is poorly, so not all is lost. Just have made up random day, try and keep an cheerful face on, it will all be OK!

ClicketyClickPlusOne · 25/12/2024 09:21

Can you go to your Mum’s and leave him to rest?

ClicketyClickPlusOne · 25/12/2024 09:20

Oh no!

Have an alternative Christmas once he is better?

LoveRicePudding · 25/12/2024 09:20

Can you just take it easier? No need to prep big, just some small snacks, watch telly with kids etc. You all deserve a break.
Hope your DH gets better soon and you can relax.

Dinosweetpea · 25/12/2024 09:20

Go to your mums as planned, he can rest and you get company.

BilboBlaggin · 25/12/2024 09:20

Can you leave him some food and drink for easy access and take the kids to your family as planned?

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