Am I being unreasonable being uncomfortable with the age gap of my Daughter's relationship?

My grandmother was 34 and my grandfather was 26 when they married. They were obviously much more tolerant in 1912.

I am 43 and my husband is ten years younger. We met when I was 30 and he was 20. I didn't realise how young he was initially and was a bit shocked when I found out but by then I was into him and it was too late!

I never notice the age gap and it stopped being an issue very early on it's rarer for the woman to be older and people wouldn't bat an eyelid if it were the other way around. Weirdly my best friend also is married to a younger man and there are 12 years between them - she is 43 and he 31

I met DH when I was 35 and he was 26. We’re still together 12 years later with a lovely son and home and lots of mutual friends!

Leave them to it!

There are so many threads about men ending up as grumpy old gits, maybe this will combat that. Could be the exact way to avoid grumpy old man syndrome.

FWIW I'm mid 30s and dated someone 10 years older when I was in my 20s for 8 years and then I dated a guy 10 years younger not long ago. It didn't work out but his parents loved me! They thought I was a really good influence on him. Didn't work out as we weren't in the same place but sounds like your daughter has met a very nice guy. Leave them to it 😊. Men date much younger women all the time and no one cares so it's sexist to care in reverse.

My parents also have similar age gap and just celebrated their Ruby wedding

My friend who has just turned 40 had exactly same age gap when she met her DH and we were all doubtful he'd want to settle down, but he is a great and very mature husband to her they have moved to the Cotswolds and had a baby and are very happy. Her MIL has always been very prickly with her - my friend is absolutely lovely so can only assume this is to do with age. Don't be that MIL.

I can't YABU/YANBU, but - when you say I think if the roles were reversed me and DH would be a little concerned do you mean if your daughter were 25 and her new boyfriend 35? Ten years can be a lot at that age, but it's not inherently unworkable. Of course, there are other pressures on the relationship if your daughter wants children and maybe a younger male partner doesn't yet. Do you think that might be the case?

Otherwise, I do understand your concern, but I guess it depends how adult the 25 year old is - because certainly a 25yo can be pretty mature and experienced. Is there anything else in the relationship that makes you uneasy? Have you talked with your daughter about it and what does she say?

I wouldn’t like that but nothing you can do

I don't really understand why you would be concerned either way round TBH, neither are young adults and he has a particularly responsible job which tends to make people more mature.

I know this is not my business to interfere with

and yet you still want to interfere…

as they are both happy

Isn’t that the key here? your daughter is THIRTY FIVE. Surely there comes a point where you can’t control someone as a parent in their thirties. And her choices stay HER choices?

but I just can't help feeling uncomfortable as to me he is so visibly younger.

what are you really uncomfortable about here… that it’s not you being able to get someone 10 years younger?

Why does your daughter have to have someone who “visibly” matches her in some strange way?