Am I being unreasonable being uncomfortable with the age gap of my Daughter's relationship?

My DB has been with his partner who is ten years older for nearly 25 years. They have two grown up children. Of course my parents were concerned when they learned of the relationship but it's turned out well. They have been through all kinds of ups & downs and are still happy to be together. They've outlasted my marriage and oyr cousins' two marriages!

My Mum was 10 years older than my Dad, they had a wonderful relationship.

Lot's of men do leave for younger women when they have a midlife crisis. Doesn't have anything tondo with an age gap.
Also you shouldn't wait too long to have children no matter the age of your Partner I would assume OPs daughter knows that. Maybe she doesn't want children at all.

It’s not a worry for you as she is 35 and certainly mature and wise enough to manage her own relationships. If the 25yo man isn’t ready for children and she is desperate to get started, she will dump him herself. She doesn’t need you sticking your oar in.

I would worry. My friend had a 10 year age gap. They waited until he was 30 to start a family, meaning she was 40. They only managed 1 dc. When she was 50 & menopausal he left her for a 33 year old and started a new family.

Why are you so thrilled he is a doctor?

I was 29 with two kids and dh was 23. God knows what his parents thought. I do remember one of his cousins thinking it was weird. Ironically his cousin was 32 and had a 24 year old girl friend! We had our son when I was 36 and dh was 30. We are 46 and 40 now and never think about it.

I would know objectively that it wasn’t my business etc etc,

But. I would wonder if she wants kids and whether a 25 yo not long out of medical training is wanting to commit at that stage. I would fear for her because if the well worn patterns of men looking at younger women as they grow older and the double standards and different societal attitudes to older men and older women.

I wouldn't say/do anything, if she is happy just be supportive. If she asks you then you could tell her your concerns but other than that I would leave it. Saying that my only concern is the child thing, do you know for sure if she wants children? But she's 35, I'm sure she will have thought of that herself without her Mum telling her.

Love is such a precious thing to find, don’t ruin it for them by fussing about something that’s ultimately inconsequential like an age gap. If it is meant to be, they’ll make it work

Leave it OP. Talking from a vast dating experience - younger men often got much better personalities and got more enthusiasm / willingness to make you happy. Let her enjoy it. Choosing someone of her own age or older doesn't guarantee a quality relationship / happiness.

I’d be worried but just have to suck it up and watch from the sidelines
my concern would would be at 35 there be pressure for kids he’ll go along with it then when it’s too late realise he’s never really lived life and feel trapped and clear off

she’s 35 OP, she can make her own decisions and it’s your responsibility to be there for her if she’s made the wrong decision. be happy she’s happy and let her enjoy her life. i had relationships ruined when i was younger by other people interfering and questioning my choices - relationships which were otherwise happy until everyone else butted their noses in!

My only concern would be that she needs to have a child asap if she wants one, whereas he's quite young to be a dad.

Isn't that the life experience most adults have? Education and working?
Not everybody at that age wants to date around, go to parties or traveling. Some people at that age want to settle down.
I just don't get what is so unusal about someone wanting to have a child at 25.

I've seen so many relationships "fail" when there's the usual two or three year gap.

There's no guarantee on the longevity of a friendship or a relationship of any kind.

As far as age is concerned, it may help if the maturity of both, matches up better than their birth ages.

How would you feel if you "had a word" with your daughter, then she took your advice, and she ended up with a person of much closer age.... THEN .... she became so unhappy because she didn't feel as close, or as stimulated, or worse, he might turn out to be one of the abusive twats that unfortunately you read about on this forum.

Everyone's life is their own to either get it right, or make mistakes.

I can so understand the fears you have for your daughter, as my own dc had a relationship that was so subtly toxic, it wasn't apparent to them, as they were "so in love"....
....................I went through mental anguish whilst that relationship lasted, but I kept my opinions to myself, was pleasant and even friendly to the person....
......................................time went on and eventually my dc saw for themselves, without any interference from me.

Of course it was still devastating, but at least it broke before marriage was planned.

X amount of years later, my dc is married, and there is an "age gap", but this time my dc has thrived in this relationship, they are loved and supported, and that is also the case for the partner.

As much as it pains you, I doubt your daughter would want your disapproval, no matter how well intentioned.

All any good and decent parent can do is to "be there" for their child when something goes wrong.
Just as you would want to share in your daughters joys, you may have to also share her woes without the umbrella of "I told you so" or "I thought as much".....

Good luck OP, being a parent never stops being potentially difficult, no matter what the age of your children.

Well my DH and I have an 11 year age gap. Let your daughter enjoy her relationship.

But you daughter knows this and they presumably have already discussed this when they got together.
25 isn't that young to have children either

Why are you thrilled he is a doctor? Terrible profession to be in a relationship with. I’d be more worried about that than the age gap tbh.

My DMIL was 13 years older than her DH, my DH step father. They were married for nearly 40 years until she died last year. It was definitely true love for them.