Am I being unreasonable being uncomfortable with the age gap of my Daughter's relationship?

She’s 35 years old, it’s literally none of your business.

What an overreaction!

People are allowed to ask for opinions on here.

And your last comment… stop projecting.

basically this

I should think a 25yo doctor is going to be quite mature!

possibility presumably the same as your perception as a possibility eg the woman is a cougar i believe the term is, if im rembering it correctly

When my adult children are in relationships I ask myself are they both happy , can they provide for each other and do they treat them well, that is all you need to be concerned about. Not their age , their job or what they have and haven’t experienced in life.

She is 35, not 45. They are both adults, and this is their conversation to have, not yours as a potential grandmother who is imagining her daughter wasting her fertile years and removing your possibility to be a grandparent.

My DH is 17 years older. I was 25 when we met. Been together 9 years, married 4 years in May. Neither set of parents had an issue with it. I think my in-laws were just glad I was normal after the previous psycho.

I couldn't imagine dating a much younger man though.

My son, at the age of 24, got with a married (they were leading separate lives) woman of 52 (4 years older than me). We got to know her, included her in all family gatherings, etc., and they were together for 9 years. He's now with someone 8 years younger and they've got children.

"I know this is not my business to interfere" - THEN DON'T.

he is a doctor which I was absolutely thrilled about.

This reminds me of “my son, the doctor” Jewish jokes.

I’ve nothing against doctors, many are very decent people, but …?

35 and 25 isn't an age gap that would raise much of an eyebrow with me unless there was a specific power imbalance in the relationship.

I assume a 35-year-old women and a 25-year-old doctor are fully cognizant of fertility windows and the timeline of having children, should they wish to have them - it would be very patronising of you to express those concerns to her.

Beyond that there isn't any reason to be "uncomfortable" and nothing you can do about it anyway.

My bil is about 8 years younger than his wife...they've been together 25 years just like me and my husband

OP, if you're concerned that your daughter is exploiting this young man's lesser life experience to coerce and control him and take advantage, you need to be having words with her.

If you don't have concerns about him being abused by your daughter, then why are you getting yourself in a tizz?

If the roles were reversed and it was an older partner you didn't know, of course you'd be concerned.. ahe gap relationships do leave the younger partner vulnerable oftentimes... but it's not role reverse.

Maybe his family are wondering about your daughter, yes, but thats for them to deal with and discuss with their son... again, unless you think your daughter can be abusive.

My son's partner is 10 years older than him. Apart from slight regrets that they will never make me a grandmother, I can see that she is the best thing that has ever happend for my son. I love her to bits and am I am currently counting the minutes for them to arrive (4 hour drive) to start Christmas all over again with them!
However, I know DiL's (that's what I call her) DF ioes not look favourably on the age gap and it is destroying their relationship (he is her the only living parent) Be care OP that you do not do the same.

Yep I was just thinking “don’t worry OP, the relationship is unlikely to survive the Resident years” (I’m a doctor, most of my colleagues’ relationships foundered at that age)

Neither are of an age which is concerning IMO.

If she has no kids I think it's different

When I saw the title of this thread I wasn't expecting the younger partner to be in their mid-20s. It's not like she's messing around with someone who has barely left school, he's a fully-fledged adult in a very responsible job.

It's quite a gap at that age. 55/65 not such a big gap. At 25, you are still a youth, really.

I’m 52 and my husband is 77 next year. Age doesn’t matter it’s a state of mind

There’s 20 years between me and DP, it’s my longest relationship so far- we’ve been together 4 years and our first baby is 4m old. Shes 35 op, trust me when I tell you she fully understands what she’s getting into- the downsides and whether she wants to have children or not.

They’re ten years apart, and working professionals. It’s not like one of them is barely an adult and the other is approaching middle age.

You say you’ve “always been concerned with these age gap relationships.” Do you think your daughter is somehow taking advantage of her boyfriend? Also curious what age difference would be the limits of acceptability to you - five years? Three years? Eighteen months?

Do you even know his family well enough to think that they might have a negative opinion of this relationship?

@Tennis1869

i totally appreciate the worries that he is young and what his family might think. I would be worried in my head too. About babies, about different life stages….

but you must keep these worries to yourself. As other posters have pointed out, relationships with age gaps can work out. Nothing you can say at this point could make a difference, you don’t know his motivations or hers and you can’t see the future so all you can do is be supportive and if it all falls apart you can be there for your daughter.

Ofgs but out.

Why are you so bothered about what his family think?! I don’t believe that you are, I think you’re using that as a cover up for your own concern. How do you know they aren’t delighted? As I’ve said in a previous post I’m 35 and my partner is 25, we’ve been together a few years and his parents adore me.