In laws buying presents for grandkids to play with at their house exaclusively

Unless your DC don’t have many toys at home, I don’t see the issue. It’s great that they will have some toys to always play with at their grandparents house.

But they shouldn’t be given as gifts then taken away.

gifts shouldn’t have conditions or rules. It’s not a real birthday or Christmas present if it doesn’t belong to the child. and if granny says the child can’t have it at their house, then it’s granny’s toy no the child’s toy.

Makes me think they are using the toys as a way to get the kids to visit more often.

Exactly what I think too. It's great, and I'm going to do the same if I'm ever lucky enough to be a GP and obviously I'm going to explain it like this and have a wonderful relationship with my son or daughter in law !!

I was at a third birthday party once when a granny packed up the bubble car thing she had just bought her grandson and took it home.

he was distraught .a kept saying but that was for me!

she saw him about once a month! She was a selfish bitch on a power trip.

Toys kept at grandparents' houses are always special.

I insist that the stuff my mum buys stays at her house. She buys mountains of plastic crap and we’ve got too much stuff anyway.

Christmas presents come home. Toys bought to be used at grandparents house and not gifted as a present stay at their house. Loved the box of toys we had at our grandparents...

If it's something dc particularly like ask mil where she got it so you can replicate it... Show her she's being spiteful.. Not an attractive quality.. Especially in a dgp...

I grew up with the idea that grandma had special toys that were only kept at her house, like tea sets and things

I think it is a lovely idea to keep some toys at GPs house. It makes them special as they are not played with every day. However, as a GP, I would also give them presents to take home and any gifts that stay at GPs would be extra.

I would not go along with FC coming to GPs house too. The presents would have to be from them.

Surely if thrse gifts are meant to belong to the children then they should decide whether they want to take them home to play with lots, or if they are happy to leave them there for next time. Not really a gift is it otherwise.

I would be upset for my daughter if she was given a big shiney new dollhouse just to be told she had to leave it behind - feels a bit mean, and like it is trying to bribe the children into visiting more.

I would take the toys home that are favourites then hide some of the toys your dcs are bored with at home then take them to your in laws the next time you see them. Your in laws will also have a selection of toys already and the two combined is a good use of toy rotation.

I'd be annoyed by this.

My grandparents did this when I was a kid - bought me a nice doll that I really liked but wouldn't let me take it home with me and so I could only play with it there. In my own case, we lived miles away from them and rarely saw them (they didn't bother to visit us either) and I probably only got to play with that doll a few times in total before I outgrew it.

Obviously, if you live close by, it seems like a way to try to 'encourage' more visits, but it feels quite manipulative to me.

Having general toys at their house is fine. Keeping the kids Christmas presents at their house though, not so much.

Sorry to hear but this granny is more about her own feelings than her grandkids OP. It’s a conversation you will need to have,

‘Granny thank you lovely present. DD is desperate to play with it so she needs to take it home with her. Come and see us if you’d like to see her playing with it there, that would be great.’

Just be polite but firm, Keep reminding that it’s a gift for your DD who doesn’t understand why she would be separated from it.

Mine do this and I've never even given it a 2nd thought. We have so much toys here I'm glad too offload some of them and it's nice for them to have special toys at their grandparents. There's no malice in it, I couldn't bring myself to get worked up about it.

We do this. My DPs live 300miles away from us and so i love that the DC have special toys at their house for whenever we go and stay. DD1 gets so excited when we arrive and the toys come out. Maybe its different if you see them more regularly than we do I suppose. What usually happens is GPs buy some smaller items from them to take to our house and the big stuff stays at their house. We have a big family on DH side and my DC just end up with so much stuff even though we try to be thoughtful with gifts and not overload them, so it also saves my house!

If you have too many toys at your home and have said so in the past and do not want them to get big gifts (e.g. dollhouse) because of this , then, maybe they want to help. This does not seem to be the case. Gifts , I think, should be without (such direct) strings attached.

So instead of just asking to see your children more they’re trying to manipulate them into coming by having toys only at their house. I really don’t understand why you all let so many people bully you and make decisions for your children. I’d be picking the toys up and taking them home. No one manipulated my children or tells me what to do when it comes to them. Toys at Grandmas and Grandpas are fine but they’re not gifts. Stand up for your kids and yourself. Don’t let this rubbish occur especially not on Christmas.

Just tell your mil this isn’t happening. What is she going to do, go no contact over it? This is so rude and possessive of your children. Basically she’s blackmailing your dd to want to go there all the time. Screw that!

It's normal to have toys at GP house but I don't think it's normal to insist Christmas and birthday presents remain there.

I would nip in the bud the Santa leaving presents at their house though. My in laws tried this but I never allowed the idea to flourish. In no story or film about Santa does he go to a child's own house and then a grandparents house as well and I felt this would be confusing. Plus I always wanted the giver of gifts to be acknowledged.

It’s a great idea. Less shit at your house and the toys retain more desirability as they’re not seeing them all the time. They sound like cool GPs. Happy Christmas.🎄

I think it’s weird and I’d have a problem with it personally, from in-laws or my own parents. Gifts are for the recipient, little kids especially should be able to have their presents to play with in their home. I do think it’s fine for grandparents to have toys and activities at their home, especially if the grandkids are there a lot, but I wouldn’t want those given as Christmas or birthday gifts.

It would make sense if your in-laws did regular child care for your children at their home. If your children don't spend much time there, they are unreasonable to do this. In effect, they are not really your children's toys if they are not allowed to take them home, they belong to your in-laws.

What's their rationale for doing this? Will your daughter be upset about leaving her new doll's house at her grandparents.

It might work out well in practice but it is a manipulative tactic.

Will they insist, if Dd is really distressed not to take HER new toy home with her?