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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DH has just been a total a@/£e

33 replies

Candycanelane123 · 24/12/2024 23:11

DH and I always exchange presents/open ours from parents on Christmas Eve night so the day can be all about the children.

I have a small gift bag with my things in, put away into a neat, small pile and off to the side. Not taking up any room and the other side of the room to the sofa with all the children’s presents on.

I haven’t been well for days, genuinely starting to think I have pneumonia as I’m constantly breathless and having palpitations, even when just sitting. Digressing but I had a PE last year so I’m always worried about my lungs now. Very tired and out of breath and having coughing fits over the slightest things.

Anyway, we’re getting ready to come up to bed and DH demands I move my small bag of presents upstairs already. I feel rotten so would rather just leave it where it is so I can get to bed and go through it tomorrow. He then starts developing an angry tone, telling me he’s not having opened gifts out and I need to move them.
This is the man who had a pile of his various things such as dirty washing, ironed clothes, paperwork, work documents/laptop bag etc to the height of halfway up the wall for about a week and constantly leaves trails of clothes scattered around floors / the banister / across the office chair as well as many other items like dirty cups/wrappers.

I told him he wasn’t going to dictate to me where I put my own things when I’m unwell and went to go upstairs. He decided to shout up the stairs to call me a ‘retard’ and when I asked him not to speak like that, shouted at me to ‘f off’. We’d had a completely normal and stress free night prior to this, not that I’m trying to find an excuse as I hate it when anyone uses that word.

I don’t want to ruin Christmas for the children but honestly, AIBU not to want to speak to him unless he bloody apologises?

OP posts:
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Cryingatthegym · 25/12/2024 00:01

Is this the first time he's been horrible to you while you've been unwell or is this part of a pattern?

Endofyear · 24/12/2024 23:58

What a pig 😠 I wouldn't share a bed with someone who spoke to me like that and used abelist slurs like the R word. Is he often this unpleasant? I think it's horrible, especially when you're not feeling well 😕

Tortielady · 24/12/2024 23:57

Your medical history ought to look very different to 111 now you've actually had a PE. Something that serious should be red flagged in your records. Get in touch with them as soon as you can.

As for your other problem, no-one should talk to you like that, let alone someone who promised to love and care for you. What you do about him is up to you, but you deserve better.

Endofyear · 24/12/2024 23:55

ClarasSisters · 24/12/2024 23:22

I mean clearly the man's a major bellend, but if you were going up to bed you could have taken the bag with you?

Or he could have seen that his wife was feeling unwell and exhausted and taken the bag up for her? Instead of shouting and swearing at her?

Original poster
Candycanelane123 · 24/12/2024 23:52

Constant mess not content*
Need sleep but coughing preventing!

OP posts:
Lwrenn · 24/12/2024 23:52

aww @Candycanelane123 im so sorry to read all that.
your husband is a colossal twat and I hope you get an apology and feel better.
If mr lwren called me that word I’d threaten to feed his bollocks to the sparrows.

Original poster
Candycanelane123 · 24/12/2024 23:52

@OrwellianTimes Thank you. I don’t think I’m having another PE as I don’t have the horrific shoulder pain I had then but concerned about pneumonia. His brother gets married in a few days so need to be somewhat better.

@CheatsAtScrabble Thank you. He can be difficult to live with for a multitude of reasons but usually that’s made out to be my fault. It’s become like having a teenager who makes content mess and doesn’t want to think for or organise himself.
He’s came up to bed and just started trying to talk to me normally as if nothing happened. I asked if he was going to apologise and immediately he was on the defensive saying he wasn’t happy with me as me saying he was so rigid over these non issue things was offensive to him and it came across like putting those comments to me in the same bracket. He then backtracked that he wasn’t asking me to move them (definitely did) and that he would’ve just done it.

@Enough4me
I’ve started to wonder this for some time, like my example above of just now. If he’s done something wrong he can never just be accountable, it’s always something I did that ‘caused’ it.

OP posts:
Enough4me · 24/12/2024 23:41

Was his later behaviour 'telling you off' for not agreeing with him earlier in the day?
By this I mean was he already looking to get at you and shout to put you in your place?

He sounds very controlling.

CheatsAtScrabble · 24/12/2024 23:38

Look OP, it’s really really easy for anyone reading what you’ve written to conclude that your DH is a massive cockwomble. None of us know how it feels to be you in this situation day-in, day-out.

But if it’s like this all the time and makes you feel rubbish then you don’t have to stay with him. Perhaps you do in the short term, but not forever. Not every Christmas like this between now and the rest of your life. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.

Mrsbloggz · 24/12/2024 23:34

What a fecking git he is, treating you like that and when you're ill😡

OrwellianTimes · 24/12/2024 23:33

Candycanelane123 · 24/12/2024 23:26

Thanks for well wishes - I hope you all have a happy Christmas, however you’re spending it.

Definitely debating seeking some more medical attention. I thought it would just be this bad cold lots of people have had but it’s getting worse and I can’t get a deep breath. I’m just a bit wary of 111 as when I had the PE they told me I just needed to go to a pharmacy.

@SuzyCoo I wish I’d been able to embellish it slightly but it was just like that, very quick and out of nowhere. Thank you.

@outerspacepotato You’ve just caused coughs making me laugh but worth it, thank you

Your choice right now is 111 or A&E

if you’ve got symptoms of PE you need to call 999.

If you haven’t personally I’d try 111 and explain you had a PE not long ago. You really sound like you need to be seen.

outerspacepotato · 24/12/2024 23:31

I hope you feel better soon and can breath better. Sorry about the coughing. Do you have an inhaler?

Tired6789 · 24/12/2024 23:30

He's totally out of order!

Coffeemmmmcoffee · 24/12/2024 23:29

He called you a really offensive word, told you to fuck off and shouted at you because you are ill and wouldn’t do his bidding about a nonsense issue? Having shouted at you for an entirely ridiculous thing earlier also?

OP I couldn’t just shrug this one off even with a heartfelt apology. How do people live like this with someone? It actually makes me sad that women accept this. And it makes me anxious.

devilspawn · 24/12/2024 23:29

I know it's not the point but I'm confused by your system. When do you open your presents from your kids, Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?

twistingmymelons · 24/12/2024 23:28

He has no respect for you,

Fannyfiggs · 24/12/2024 23:27

I'm so sorry you have to put up with that behaviour from a grown man.

Concentrate on you and your health. Get yourself better and then have a good, long, hard think about whether you want to continue to live with an abusive man. His behaviour is not normal and life is too short to be someone's verbal punch bag.

Original poster
Candycanelane123 · 24/12/2024 23:26

Thanks for well wishes - I hope you all have a happy Christmas, however you’re spending it.

Definitely debating seeking some more medical attention. I thought it would just be this bad cold lots of people have had but it’s getting worse and I can’t get a deep breath. I’m just a bit wary of 111 as when I had the PE they told me I just needed to go to a pharmacy.

@SuzyCoo I wish I’d been able to embellish it slightly but it was just like that, very quick and out of nowhere. Thank you.

@outerspacepotato You’ve just caused coughs making me laugh but worth it, thank you

OP posts:
Sevenwondersofthewoo · 24/12/2024 23:26

ClarasSisters · 24/12/2024 23:22

I mean clearly the man's a major bellend, but if you were going up to bed you could have taken the bag with you?

Totally missing the point of she’s unwell can’t breath right mmmm

outerspacepotato · 24/12/2024 23:24

(-:|3

Here's his gift asshat for calling you slurs.

SuzyCoo · 24/12/2024 23:23

I'd normally say there are three sides to every story but wow. That's awful. Hope you feel better

OrwellianTimes · 24/12/2024 23:23

OrwellianTimes · 24/12/2024 23:22

First response nailed it.

Also I think you need to see a Dr sooner rather than later. Can you call 111 and get some advice? I don’t think any out of hours doctor would begrudge getting you antibiotics to clear your chest when you’re so fresh out of PE.

Show quote history

With any luck you can go see a GP and leave him to cook the turkey.

SwordToFlamethrower · 24/12/2024 23:23

Errrrr what? He's done this before hasn't he.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 24/12/2024 23:22

He is a dick. I do think it’s not healthy though to make Xmas all about your kids presents wise. Why shouldn’t they see everyone getting something

ClarasSisters · 24/12/2024 23:22

I mean clearly the man's a major bellend, but if you were going up to bed you could have taken the bag with you?

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