Not invited for Christmas:-(

Sending you hugs 🫂

I'm playing devils advocate here.

Did you talk to you Dad and Step Mum about Christmas plans at any time? If you've always had christmases on your own and you hadn't mentioned anything about Christmas I can see why they might have assumed you were going to do the same as in previous years. I can understand why you wanted to spend Christmas together because of your DDs sight but is it possible it might have come across as insincere as you only mentioned it to them so close to Christmas. They might be wondering why you left it so late to mention or why you didn't ask them to come to your house?

I think they have been thoughtless though.

I think I would have contacted df and said we'll be there Christmas morning at about 11.00 and did they want us to bring anything. He would have been left in the position of having to contact you to say ok, or to explain that you weren't invited and the reasons why.

I’m not sure how you’ll come back from that. It’s pretty hurtful.

On the face of things this sounds rubbish. Did you suggest / invite them to spend time with you? You could have phoned up and suggested that you visit them over the Christmas period?

As a family, do you ever speak to each other, or do you just message? Communication via messages isn’t great and leaves no opportunity for any discussion. You may have missed the boat on this one.

If you're normally a close family, as you say, how come you've spent Xmas alone for years and not with your sister and her kids? Not picking holes, just trying to think why your dad might see you separately rather than do the all together thing, as it sounds like you've not been doing it all together even with the family members that were in the same country. Sounds like the family may not be so close in reality even if you'd hoped they would've been. Sorry for your daughter and missing out but I'm sure you'll have the best memories together without those unfeeling people.

I'm glad that you've spoken your mind to him. Now it's up to him to make amends. I'm not sure that I'd be visiting them in mid-January if he hasn't by then.

If this is going to be his attitude going forward, he can do without your family. You have three lovely children so enjoy Christmas with them, you don't need unkind people in your life.

Phone and speak to your dad and ask “Wtf Is wrong with you?”

I'd be shocked too. I can't think there is any excuse for it.

I am sorry about your daughter's challenges. My son had cancer as a teenager but was lucky and recovered without any discernible side effects.

Merry Christmas from me at least.🎄 I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your children. I probably wouldn't visit your dad and stepmother in January either.

an answer of ok, is so insulting. I think they know they are arseholes but didn't expect to be called out on it and have no good response - I mean who would. You know now what to ever expect from them and hopefully you'll get a chance in the future to use your own 'ok' when they may need something from you.

Had your father got no backbone ! To treat his daughter & grandchildren this way is
no words sorry
what do your uni kids say ?

I literally could not forgive him and be so hurt
what does sister who’s been invited say about it ? Surely she should speak up ?

If dad or ds don’t do anything I’d personally drop the pair of them
focus on your in family, give your youngest all the luv and care she needs growing up

Your dad obviously has to process what you said, he probably feels awful about it so give him a bit of time. I would be hurt too in your place and agree it would have been nice for your daughter. Do dad and step-mother live far away from you, I mean would it be a long car journey?

Whatever happens I hope you and your own family have a lovely Christmas. Don't let this spoil that.

This is good advice. Am going through something similar and this is exactly what I am trying to do.

Is your father normally good at explaining or elaborating in a text message? Does he normally give just one word replies?

I would be hurt too. It doesn't help when there is a step mother on the scene who probably is calling the shots to an extent.

I think this is one of those occasions where you have to have it out with him.

You don't have to be confrontational - though you couldn't be blamed if you were because this is too fucking hurtful for words, I am so sorry!! - but just be forthright and explain your situation.

Tell him straight that you would have liked to have had a Christmas where your DD would have still been able to see her family. That's such hateful and uncaring behaviour. If you don't get a satisfactory explanation (and I can't think of a single one), I'd definitely think about at least going LC.

You are and have been going through such difficult times and you could have done with their support.

I hope you have a lovely time with your children. Your family's loss x

Wow that is really cold

I can only imagine how hurt you must feel
I am so sorry

I don't know how I'd even react to that

I think you have to pick up the phone.

To me, there cannot be a good reason to explain their horrible behaviour- but maybe they have one. Texts aren’t the medium you need here.

I'm so sorry, that's really hurtful and I don't blame you for being very upset! After all you've been through and are still going through, I would have thought your family would be much more supportive. I hope you have a good day with your lovely children. On a positive note, you can all please yourselves, do things your way and don't have to fit in with anyone else's plans!

This simply sucks, OP. I have no advice but I am so sorry for what you and your family, especially your DD, are going through.

Sorry you've been treated very badly here. Go ahead with your day, their loss, and I hope it goes well 🎄

So sorry you are going through this OP. They sound crap. Evidently they're not going to change now though so it would serve you and your DC best to move on and focus on people who do care. It's painful but this year I've also had to face some hard truths about my family and lack of support. I'm also a single parent and it's astounding how uncaring or downright indifferent my family are. I hope you have some good friends around you. I have a small handful of friends who I am grateful for.

I hope you and your DC have a good day tomorrow. Sorry your youngest is going through such major health issues.

We had a similar situation a few years back. I'd say that you did the right thing speaking up now - but don't hold back. You still need more from them than that non-response.

In our case, my DH was told "Oh...I didn't think you'd want to come." (DH had hemiparesis following a stroke.)

I bit my tongue for a couple of years. I shouldn't have. I exploded a couple of months after DH's funeral. That side of the family has gone NC with me. Fine.

I should have spoken up sooner. I'm glad that you have much more of a backbone than I have.

Well done for calling your dad out.

Assuming they have space to have you all, I’d take a massive step back from them. Your dad sounds incredibly small minded.

Better not to expose your dc to their twattery.

Be wary of them cutting you out and going straight to your adult DC.