Need some clarity as husband not bought me a Xmas present!

Dont give him what you bought.

When the IL's/kids ask say "Well I have decided to give your dad exactly what he has to give me!!!"
It will only happen once.

You shouldn’t! That is disgraceful!

This in a nutshell really isn't it.

But also for the families and friends to stop expecting that because he has a wife/SO now that things in this department will change. Feel like many families are aware that it's one half of the partnership doing the shopping, and the disappointment would be aimed at both of us rather than just him.

I hate to think of these people I've come to care for being disappointed for birthdays/Christmas etc, which is why I include them in my shopping, or think to order them and extra copy of the school photo or whatever it is that I know they'd appreciate. Doesn't feel like it would be him that suffers really, would be them and me because of feel so bad. In fact I'm yet to find a way to get the message across at all. He is the type where if something has happened then that's lovely but if it hasn't then he wouldn't give it a second thought. A gift is a bonus, if there was no gift he wouldn't feel resentful or anything, don't think it would occur to him to mind. So in my case if I was to remove the presents from under the tree that wouldn't have much of a result at all.

The amount of similar posts from women who have done everything for Christmas and their partners had not only done nothing but have treated them horribly.

We need to stop. Stop buying him gifts, stop doing everything for him!!!. Stop buying his side of the family things that is his responsibility!

Sounds horrible. I wouldn't give him a present. Arrogant twat.

Mines a good bloke, he does loads for us - cooks, cleans, diys, does loads around the house, v supportive, also works long hours as do I, does lots with the kids, deals with the stress of teens etc etc. in everything we generally partner quite well, but he is utterly shit at getting gifts. I got a bunch of flowers for my 50th birthday and had to organise my own meal out and yes there has been a Christmas a few years ago when he got me nothing.
it doesn’t help that in my family Christmas was always a huge day with lots of gift giving, house fully decorated, dinner a massive event with a beautiful table and multiple courses, but in his totally the opposite, one small gift and Xmas dinner with a candle on the table.
I give him small lists now so things have improved, but I’ve never, ever, gotten over that awful feeling of being unloved, under appreciated, uncared for. I sat wrapping presents today absolutely dreading tomorrow :( even though I know for a fact he has definitely got me gifts.
Christmas for me has always been about the joy of giving and sharing but those few episodes have sucked a lot of the joy out of it. It’s a really hard thing to get past. I guess you just have to evaluate your daily life and ask yourself if it’s something you can get past. It’s horrible OP, and I really feel for you xx

Don’t give him the presents you have bought him. Sell them on eBay.

I'd set fire to those sporting event tickets if their printed rather than e ticket.

I think the OP believes him to be a "good husband" because he provides financially for her? So what more could she possibly want(?!)

"Besides presents he is a a good husband"

No he isn't, he's a shit husband:

He got rat arsed on your birthday, which was supposed to be a special day for you.

He got rat arsed after you had asked him to stay sober.

He hasn't bought you a Christmas present, when it is the easiest thing in the world to go online and buy a gift 24/7.

He blames you for not telling him what you want.

He couldn't be arsed to ask you what you would like.

He couldn't be arsed to make time to get a present for you, his wife, the person he's supposed to love and cherish.

He's sat back and let you run round doing everything for Christmas even though you work as hard as him.

He's not helped you at all.

He's even left you to buy and wrap gifts for his family.

All these things show he doesn't think about you at all. He doesn't care about you at all.

I bet he leaves you to do all the housework, child care and life admin too.

So no, he is not a good husband. He is a selfish, self absorbed twat who takes you for granted and treats you like shit. You deserve better.

And I certainly wouldn't be giving him any presents tomorrow.

I'm sorry OP. Wanting your DH to remember to get you a present for Christmas isn't asking for too much. You're right to be upset.

'So..my husband has form for been shit with presents for birthdays and Xmas.'
Does he have form for missing important meetings or not completing tasks at work? He doesn't have form for being shit with presents - he doesn't care.

He could've stayed sober so that his wife could relax on HER birthday but he didn't. Why? He didn't want to.

If I were in your shoes I wouldn't buy him a Christmas present next year and I wouldn't be buying them for his family either (I'm not a fan of being tasked with kinkeeping).

I'd book a spa weekend on his card and leave him in charge of the kids

@DeffoNeedANameChange No wonder you're hurt and I'll bet you've run yourself ragged getting everything done for xmas.i don't get how someone men can be so selfish it's almost as if shopping makes them less of a man.
I hope you have a nice Christmas with your children at least.

Define "high earner" ?

Time to shop for your own Christmas present, preferably at least 50% above what's fair. I'd be amazed if he doesn't get his shit together next time.

www.faberge.com/products/guilloche-enamel-anemone-surprise-locket-3638

Honestly though. Ducks in a row time, he sounds utterly selfish and tit for tat as a marriage does not sound fun.

OP - I'm in the same situation this year. Except at least my husband told me at 6pm so I had time to tell him he absolutely had to get down the garage and get me a box of chocolates, because I didn't want to cry in front of the kids when they asked me where my presents were. And even then, he's bought me a shitty houseplant instead of chocolates.

For those people saying "take his credit card and buy yourself something", this misses the point by so far. It's not about the stuff at all. I have a job, I can buy myself a box of chocolates and a bottle of perfume. It's about the fact that I'm worth precisely zero effort. I've done literally every single other xmas task, I'm exhausted- this was the only thing he had to do and he couldn't be arsed.

I hope you make your peace with this OP. I actually don't think I can.

Not had time inconsiderate fucker
You set aside time to buy dw a gift it's really not difficult and buy your side of the family their gifts.
I bet op done all the Xmas shopping and a whole lot more.

It was recently my big birthday and we booked a weekend away with friends. However, on the evening I asked my husband to stay sober so I could relax and enjoy the evening as we have kids and one of us needed to stay relatively sober.
That ended up been me as he got shit faced so I stopped drinking when he started getting drunk.
I put it to one side as he works really hard and puts in a lot of hours although I work too but not as many hours.

Just how shit does a man have to be before they get told to fuck off ? I mean really?

As long as he's not kicking the fuck out of you everyday, he's a good un?

"Oh but he works long hours..."
And? So what? So do millions of women, they still manage to be decent human beings and not utter cunts.

I despair sometimes.

Sure, go ahead and buy some shit with his credit card... You'll still be stuck with a selfish arsehole that gives zero fucks about you and proves it regularly... But he earns well so all is forgiven?

"He's a good husband..."

No, no he isn't.
Listen, real close now...

He has a device in his pocket.. he could have taken that device out of his pocket, spent 120seconds on amazon, done..

He doesn't think you're worth 2 minutes of his time.. remember that..

Has he even organised presents from the kids to you? Or have you literally nothing to open?

I’d hold back his gifts, hide them away, and in the morning say ‘are grownups doing presents?’ If he says ‘well, I meant to, it’s on its way …’ say ‘great! New Year then! Can’t wait. Better be something good!’

He doesn't sound like a good husband at all.

Crap icebreaker, but not as crap as the present.

Seriously though, if it helped her see the reality of her situation then the ice breaker wasn’t that crap after all.

I'd have been out of there a long time ago, or rather he would . . .

Cross post @2Hot2Handle 🙂

I just can’t fathom not buying my DH anything for Christmas, it just wouldnt happen and vice versa. So I struggle to understand the mentality of these men and can only conclude that they do not give a crap about you.

It’s bloody obvious that Christmas is coming as it’s everywhere, and everyone knows Christmas means gifts. So he has zero respect or care for you.

In what other ways is he a good husband as he doesn’t sound like one?

I would be removing his gifts from under the tree and returning them.

Look…my husband can really get on my nerves sometimes. But he buys/wraps the gifts for his parents/siblings/nieces/nephews, does their birthday cards, and gets me gifts/fills my stocking from Santa. And yes, he works more hours and earns significantly more than me. Earning more does not give you an excuse to be a cunt.

Go book a three night stay at hotel with amazing Spa for yourself and a mate. Merry Christmas!