Need some clarity as husband not bought me a Xmas present!

I totally agree it conveys you are not valued. My DH does this and other awful thigns that led me to a breakdwon. it must be really impacting you if you are considering leaving. I wish I and left befroe he totally broke me as I went into psychosis

Yes. You’re right there.

Well done OP

Now think what you would have liked to open and buy it now . I hope he learns his lesson

@goodnightgrumble

I would sit him down & tell him exactly what you've said here. Then pack a bag & go away for a few days & leave him to do everything by himself. Don't contact him AT ALL. Tell him you need the time to consider if you want to stay married to him or not. DO NOT feel guilty about leaving him to cope with the kids - they'll be fine.

Maybe a reality check will be the kick he needs to remember that you're his wife, not his housekeeper/nanny. If nothing changes, you can either choose to accept his awful treatment/view of you or permanently leave the selfish prick.

I'm glad you've made him squirm! But how apologetic was he and has he got you anything since? Has he done stuff around the house?

Yes! Good for you for calling him out! Hopefully he will figure out how to treat you with respect.

I am so glad you did not make excuses for him.

It has.now come to light that he has bought me nothing as he has not had time...

What else has he had to do that's a higher priority for him than your happiness and well-being? It sounds like getting drunk made the cut, but doing his half of the shared household/family responsibilities didn't.

... and I apparently have not told him what I want...

Has he asked you and is genuinely waiting for a response?

How did today go OP?

Doesn’t solve the problem of feeling valued? It would make me feel even worse to have to do this. It’s practically stealing yourself a present.

He doesn't appreciate you or care about you

Get a divorce for Christmas

Besides presents he is a a good husband

He’s not though is he? Be honest with yourself. And have higher standards.

A good husband doesn’t go out and get utterly shitfaced on the night of his wife’s birthday. Or fail to budget for presents or claim he hasn’t had time.

His failure to buy you a Christmas present is poor but it’s not the real issue here. The real issue is he’s a lazy drunk who treats his wife like a domestic servant. The question is what are you going to do?

Nor has mine we haven't bought for each other. There is absolutely nothing I really want. No kids at home though.

Rule number one of relationships:

• Stop buying gifts for the in-laws and earning DP brownie points. You get no thanks from anyone, it’s a thankless task.

Don't give him any Xmas presents. Read him the riot act, and next year don't do any of the Xmas prep. It's his turn. You're saddled with a useless man baby.

Stop doing it all then.

don’t buy his family’s presents. Tell him you’re not and it’s down to him to sort.

if you have gone out and bought the kids presents, come home and tell him he needs to wrap them all.

if you’re busy doing one job at home and see him doing fuck all, tell him the washing machine needs putting on, the downstairs needs hoovering etc.

why do women willingly do everything and then moan that no one else does anything?

Women tolerate too much.

You don't owe these fuckers a relationship.

You have a finite amount of time on this earth, very VERY soon YOU will be dead.
Do you really want to spend your time on someone who doesn't love you?
putting in effort, consideration, emotion etc for someone who thinks fuck all of you?

"Oh he does love me...."
No, no, no. Let me put it this.

If you loved someone, could you treat them how you're being treated?
I couldn't.

If you love someone, are you considerate of them? think about them? try to make them happy? Etc.
These actions show love.

Always listen to the actions, never listen to the meaningless words.

Here's hoping that 2025 is the year women everywhere say 'fuck this shit' and stop tolerating shit cuntish men.

Ducks in rows, hills that way, leave via the front door and never look back. ❤️

I've just wrapped my only gift that I bought myself and put it under the tree from my two boys as I also have one of those H who cannot get his sh*t together to get me a gift. I've been up since 5am wrapping the rest of their presents .. H has plenty of lovely gifts I've bought everything with my own money, teens also have lots - they are good lads! Again all bought by me. I am going to have a quiet word with my H later once Christmas is done and dusted. We've had a bumpy road recently so I was hoping he'd make an effort 🤨 it would appear not unless something miraculously appears under the tree by breakfast time! It's actually made me question why I'm making so much effort with him - it won't ruin the day but I'm disappointed.

Ah that's shit op. I would be hurt and angry too, definitely not an acceptable excuse as pretty much everything can be bought online. I'd return any gifts I'd bought for him so that he gets nothing too, he's an arse.

My DH was like this, he’d buy me one stupid thing. Now I don’t buy any of his family’s presents, he does so himself and it has focused him.

If you give him his presents now, or ever, then you seriously deserve whatever shit treatment he does out.
Don't be a mug. Don't be a martyr.

Agree with this post. He feels that earning a higher salary is his contribution to the family and you can do the rest. If things changed and that higher salary was no longer coming on, do you think the rest of his behaviour would change? That he'd take time to buy you nice thoughtful gifts or not get slotted on YOUR significant days. No of course he wouldn't. He's selfish: the high salary sugarcoats it for now.

You are letting him get away with it. He works so hard because he works so many more hours that you. So what? I'm sure you are not just sitting on your backside whilst not at work? Her shouldn't be getting out of family life and admin just because he works more hours outside the home than you do. You are meant to be life partners!

The fact that he can't put his own enjoyment to one side so you could relax and enjoy your own birthday says a lot about his character. On the face of it it's just he's not bought you a gift so it might seem disproportionate to you discuss or argue about it and of course you are likely to want to keep the atmosphere nice for the kids but to me it just highlights that he doesn't think much of you and I wouldn't choose to be with someone like this. Your children are being shown that you are not a priority for him, think about that.

Also, dont do the "go mad with his credit card" thing, as that is EXACTLY what he wants, you to do all the work with no effort from him.

He needs to miss out too in order for the message to hit home.