Need a sense check here. Since getting married 2 years ago we agreed to spend alternating Christmases with each of our families as many married couples do. Prior to this we had spent Christmas either separately with our own families, or on one occasion over Covid with my family as we were all living together at my parents house at the time and it was during a lock down so naturally we didn't have any other choice.
Last year I gave birth to my son 1 week before Christmas, and given my due date being so close to xmas day we didn't make any formal plans as we had to see what happened (I could have been in hospital over Xmas for example). As he was born a week prior to Xmas we decided last minute to pop over to my parents house for a few hours on Xmas day in the end as they are only an 8 min drive from us so it was an easy and nice way to spend the day and have other people look after us for a bit.
This year, it's our turn to spend it with his family. Now, I'd have no issue whatsoever spending Christmas day with his family every couple of years. The issue I have is that when we do Christmas with his family it has to be a multiple day affair, which, compared to when my family hosts us just for the day itself seems unfair that I have to take annual leave and cart all our stuff around Inc baby stuff for 3 nights etc. When really all I want is a bit of a chance to relax at home over Xmas and get a break from work and responsibility.
Husband's parents both only live a 50 min drive away in the same town but are divorced and both single and live in their own flats so they always rent an airbnb for 4-5 nights somewhere in the countryside to spend Xmas. His brother is single and childless and lives in London so always comes without issue, his sister is married with a baby and they alternate between his parents and hers.
Now hear me out, his family are nice, they mean well most of the time, but they are polar opposite to me in so many ways. SIL and MIL in particular are very matriarchal and dominate plans most of the time so I feel like what I want gets ignored for the majority as it doesn't align with their views. I often find myself butting heads with MIL over little things like her obsession with giving my 1 year old son bottled water when I've said quite a few times I like him to drink tap water as the NHS guidance is to give tap water not bottled while they are young. Just typical little boundary oversteps a lot of the time but they mount up and anyway after a while I'm pretty drained from all of it. They also want to spend every second with each other for several days which is not how I roll being quite introverted and needing my own space to recharge. They got offended today because I didn't want to go to the pub for lunch- something SIL decided they were all doing without actually really asking if people wanted to do it. I don't regret my decision to stay back and go and get some bits from M&S that we needed for the dinner on Xmas day as it was valuable recharge time.
I'd also like to point out I have tried to be super involved and as helpful as possible, organizing tesco food deliveries, picking up the turkey and making lists of what we need (his family is mega disorganized but enjoy cooking whereas I am very organised but hate cooking so this is the part of Xmas I can happily contribute towards).
Simply put, I just feel drained after several days in close quarters with them, in a country house away from our home comforts and routine when I would like to start setting some traditions of our own.
When we spend Xmas with my family we will only ever go over on Christmas day about 11am and leave by 9pm with no obligation to see them on other days which is why I'm asking if it's unreasonable to say in future we Will tell in laws we will only be coming to whatever cottage they rent on Xmas day and leaving that evening (or at worst just staying 1 night max).
AIBU for wanting some chill time at home over Xmas and not wanting multiple days with in laws?