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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aunty by marriage

28 replies

Newmum738 · 24/12/2024 18:24

This probably isn't the right thread but here goes!

I'm an aunty by marriage but our older nieces and nephews don't see it that way and I don't think my DH does either.

DH has some strange views about family and it makes me feel excluded. Early. Our relationship, we saw the family at Christmas and I bought a small gift each for the children and he was very annoyed.

I feel like he is the barrier to good relationships for me with his family and I feel resentful about that.

I have difficult family situation so I'd like to feel secure in his but 10 years in and I think there is no chance of that.

AIBU to think that this is awkward?

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum738 · 24/12/2024 20:21

Thanks both for sharing! We don't see any of them that much and I find it difficult because DH manages the contact. I might see if I can get him to set up a WhatsApp group or something which would help. We haven't had much chance to build relationships and my insecurities make it extra difficult. I'm lucky that the nephew we had over today is so lovely and makes an effort with everyone. They are mostly boys too so another difficulty there! In the new year, I'll talk to DH about it because he probably isn't very aware of at all! They are all really good with the younger ones too and make a good effort to spend time with them at their level! I guess I need to be a bit more thankful for what we have got!

OP posts:
GRex · 24/12/2024 19:19

I'll give you some background from our family, because with older ones I think it can be complicated. The many little ones on both sides were all born since we got together, and we both see them equally as much loved nieces and nephews. Then we have 2 adult one side and 1 adult / 1 near adult the other (those two were present mostly only EOW since divorce). I love them all and DH adores one on my side (similar humour), but although he is kind in person he isn't much fussed by any of the 3 others and will comment to me about their lack of effort with DS (as though most teenagers / young adults are ever that fussed to see little cousins!). Largely I think it's because he hasn't spent much time with any of them, but even in person I think I feel closer to the two on his side than he does.

So... I do think their age when you arrived makes a difference and any little ones would just see you as an auntie, but it's often harder with older ones. With the older ones, you can keep putting in effort and hopefully it'll come back your way eventually, but be prepared that it may be spiky, where you might only ever be close to one or two of them.

I'm sorry your own family is difficult. Tell your DH that you'd just like his support on this regardless of how he or the kids feel, if he loves you then that should be enough for him to make effort.

ClassySassyBonnieLassie · 24/12/2024 19:01

My nieces and nephews on my husbands side I treat the same as the nieces and nephews on my side - and vice versa
we are all very much family is family it doesn’t matter.

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