To feel a bit disappointed that he didn't get me anything for Christmas?

Oh he’s one of those is he? Allows you to buy him gifts and then makes empty promises on purpose knowing it’ll get you all excited only to pull the rug from underneath your feet when said gift never materialises and said gift is never mentioned again while telling you about everything he’s bought for everyone else just to rub salt in your wound. This is a red flag for me and I’ve found many abusers and emotional manipulators use this tactic. It’s a sign of things to come op. So if you’re happy to plod along being treated like this after only 4 months into the honeymoon period of your new relationship then imagine how things will be after 4 years. I imagine things will get much worse and not just with gift giving either.

I would have said are we getting each other presents. So one doesn't get something and one doesn't.

It sounds like you're on different pages, but that doesn't mean you're in the wrong! I think he's been incredibly rude - he's had several days to get you even a token present, and he's chosen not to.

If he fundamentally doesn't feel "ready" to commit to spending £20 at Christmas, then I wouldn't see much of a future there tbh.

For my first Christmas with the current Mr AlertCat, he gave me a replacement for an item I used a lot but which had broken- I’d mentioned in passing that it had broken. Not hugely expensive but not really cheap either. But to me, incredibly valuable- I still use it most days five years on.

We’d been together less than 3 months, but he chose a gift with care and that has been reflected all the way through our relationship. if your bloke is telling you what he’s giving to other people, and you have given him a gift and he has chosen not to give you even a token, I’d say it doesn’t bode well for how he sees you and how he wants to treat you.

Really? You think people have been together four months, have sex, stayed over etc and wouldn’t give a card or a present for Christmas? Weird

Never feel bad or foolish for being generous, loving, Ana’s thoughtful.
pay attention to your feelings! They’re valid. If you feel odd that he’s talking so much about buying for others and didn’t give you a gift, pay attention. Your gut is telling you something.

I made excuses for men like this, and talked down my own feelings, and the relationships that evolved turned out to be fairly awful.

just pay attention and know that you are being reasonable. Your feelings aren’t lying to you.

You're not a tit and you're not grabby. I would feel the same. yes it's 4 months, but you have spent a lot of time with each other, and confessed having feelings for each other. He could have got you something small but personal which would prove he's paying attention to your likes and interests.

@Feelingabitsillyatxmas1

Hate to say it, but if he's this shit, this early into the relationship, he's not going to get any better. Like you said, he's had your gift for several days & if he was a half decent human being, he's had several days to go out & get you a little something, to avoid this awkward, embarrassing situation - he clearly doesn't care enough to make the effort. I'd cut him loose.

First thing you NEED to always remember is... he's NOT you.

then:. don't give to get.
It's a bit unfair to be disappointed your expectations not met when you didn't make him aware..
It will make it easier,no matter how new the relationship is if you are able to communicate

That's really shit. I met my now DH a week before Xmas (1st date) and had our second I think on Boxing Day and he had got me a gift.

Exactly this

YANBU, OP

Oh, come on. It's not on the OP to spell this out to him.

4 months into a relationship isn't a long time, but it should be the honeymoon period. Exciting and wanting to see and spend time with each other and buy little gifts for one another. If he's not doing any of that, maybe he's just not that into you as he hasn't given you any thought whatsoever.

What you did was kind and thoughtful and a nice thing. He's an arse.

Find yourself a man who is kind and generous with his money and time. Don't settle for anything less.

Another lifetime ago, I used to date a guy who made me buy my own burger and chips, whilst he paid and ordered his own. ( we'd been dating a few months) I mean, how much will a burger and chips cost? and yes, he had a good job so could afford it. Needless to say, he got dumped pretty soon. I couldn't be with someone who refused to splash out £5 on me. I found myself a much nicer kinder generous man and we've been together 25 years.

This x1000.

You have given him expensive, high-end gifts after a mere 16 weeks of dating? I thought you meant maybe you presented him with a book or some chocolates or something.

a) bin
b) don't extend yourself so much for the next one

I think four months is a bit soon to be exchanging lavish gifts, but a card would have been nice, or him planning a festive outing.

Seen hundreds of posts on here with women buying their dates/boyfriends/husbands birthday/Christmas/Father's Day gifts and getting zero in return. WHY do you all do it? Why invest yourselves so much? Why try to make these occasions nice for them when they have given no signal that they are equally as considerate of your feelings?

It’s perfectly normal to be given birthday and Christmas presents from your boyfriend. Therefore not grabby to have expected it. Sorry op, it’s disappointing!

I understand why you would expect a gift but perhaps too early to let it determine your future potential relationship

I would say a small inexpensive gift would have been good. Thoughtful from what he knows about you so far but not love bombingy!

Dump him if he doesn't give you anything, it's just so rude to tell you about his gifts for others. If he didn't want to do presents with you he shouldn't have accepted yours.

Come on, 4 months is the honeymoon stage.

The OP was thoughtful enough to buy him a birthday present, it wouldn't have broken the bank to have bought a good quality bunch of flowers and a card.

That's what a thoughtful person would do, to give the message to the other person that they care about them/are enjoying their company whatever. Instead this bloke is showing who he is, it won't get much better that's for sure.

In the bin he goes! Next.

Tbh OP this isn't a great start to a relationship. It wouldn't have hurt just to buy a box of chocolates or even some flowers, but nothing shows that he doesn't care.😔

That for me would be the issue. I would not buy or expect a gift after 4 months. But if the guy I was dating bought me a gift I would think “shit” and buy him a small token of my affection (which would likely be shit as I would not know him well enough to know what to get but it’s the thought.)

He might have ordered something and it's not arrived yet.

Agreed with this poster. What you have done is thoughtful and dare I say it absolutely normal.

You deserve better @Feelingabitsillyatxmas1

If he doesn't think of you at this time of the year and can't even give you a token gift at this early stage - LTB