To feel a bit disappointed that he didn't get me anything for Christmas?

My son in law.
Is he kind? Yes.
Is he generous? Yes
His mother? Loathes her.

She has waited and seen, and she doesn’t need to do anything. Don’t call me names when your advice is tripe

Women do not need to be advised to hang on to useless men

I’m now imagining a huge mansion with olive trees in pots dotted around, under huge skylights.

A christmas tree you numpty!

Everyone comes with baggage, she just needs to wait and see, he could be a complete waste of space or he could just be naive - that is not a crime.

It’s late Xmas eve. Op has seen him today, she won’t be seeing him tomorrow or Boxing Day as they both have other family commitments. He’s had ample time to buy her a gift so I’d be highly surprised if he just turned up tomorrow (what with him having other commitments) to give op a gift.

I stand by what I say about the club card and it appears the huge majority of other posters also have the same opinion. If you’re happy to let total strangers use yours then that up to you but that doesn’t mean everyone is going to do the same. From where myself and many other posters are looking at it, then it is looking more and more like he is a user.

This for me makes it worse.

i wouldnt say anything though at this stage. Just wait and see what happens next time he meets you. And dont get too invested. £150 roughly in four months on présents is waaaaaaaay too much to spend.

I’d been with DH 5 months when it was our first Christmas.

He bought me earrings I still eat today 20 years later, a top that was lovely and fit, books and some stuff from L’Occitane.

I didn’t have to prompt him or anything - it’s a normal thing to exchange gifts with someone you’re in a relationship with.

Do you think she lives in a mansion with a tree she hasn’t spotted yet?

It’s not the job of the OP, or anyone else for that matter, to act as rehab for broken men

Actually I somewhat agree with this when it comes to casual friends or colleagues etc - I hate feeling obliged to spend money I don't really have on token bs when I have other more important people to buy stuff for.
But this feels different, especially as the OP has got him a birthday gift - that would have been the time for that conversation.

Ain't he just?! He'll be expecting OP to buy his fucking tonic next!

OP, don't over think this or make excuses for him because he has shown you who he is.

Its Christmas Eve, there is still time to deliver a gift. If he doesn't she then needs to decided where she stands, but only she knows if he is good in all other respects and whether he is trainable.

Using her club card isn't a major hanging offence, I've passed mine to total strangers so they can get a discount!

It's not Christmas yet!

If he’s not making an effort this early then I would bin him!

Yes - it is possible if you want to get close to someone.

Sovery true.

Bar set so low.

😕 I'm hoping you are going to update us that this was all an elaborate ruse and he has something spectacular planned for you.
Lol clubcard points - he's a chancer though, I'll give him that.

He told op he would buy her a gift. He has seen op today. There was no gift. As I have said many times on this thread, telling someone you’re going to buy them a gift, then never bothering to get them a gift all while telling that person what gifts they bought for everyone else is just cruel and plain nasty! And here there are people telling op not to give up on him yet. He hasn’t been burnt, he’s pretty much getting a kick out of watching op get all excited waiting for a gift, only to never bother to get her one. He’s had plenty of time to buy her a gift but hasnt. To add insult to injury he’s been using her Tesco club card to get a discount on some gin for himself!

Yes. It's normal to decide in advance if you are going to exchange presents. I wouldn't want to put someone under pressure, so would set an amount to spend.

This sounds really healthy!

OP, I would be upset too. It's 100 percent NOT about the gift itself, but how he views you and the relationship.

I think it could be a sign of commitment issues. Dating exclusively/having a sexual relationship is at odds with not getting a gift. The two things belong to different levels of relationship. I wouldn't get a git for a FWB, or for someone I'd known less than a couple of months and wasn't exclusive with. Four months and exclusivity? Definitely would buy a gift! Doesn't have to be anything expensive - a nice jumper from Marks would do.

I think the lack of a gift connotes ambivalence on his part. Proceed with caution. But also, it's useful information for you. If it's not commitment issues, he might be ungenerous. He might be a fun-sucker who "doesn't do birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day" etc.

There's a lot of psychology behind gift-giving, so don't let people tell you that you're grabby. It is SO NOT about the gift.

You having a generous heart is not embarrassing, its lovely. Be proud that you value those in your life and start as you mean to go on in a relationship. Do not let this change you.

Do you have a tree in your home.....is it possible there is something under it that you have not seen? He maybe planning to drop something off, slip it through the letterbox etc. Don't give up on him yet.

And if he hasn't, he may have been burnt in the past or didn't want to be too keen - he will of realised his mistake by now if that is the case.

Just remember though, that in the early stages, you make the biggest effort to impress...in which case he is missing a trick but like I say he may have been burnt in the past. Or if he is a keeper in all other respects, he may just need some training! 😏

The Clubcard C**t!

He’s not a keeper.

This. If they're close enough to have sex and 'have feelings' for each other, it's not too soon to get a Christmas present. A nice book / perfume / box of chocolates would work and could have been bought in 5 minutes on Amazon. No excuses. Ditch him and on to better things in the new year.

I’d go straight in, unapologetically, with ‘Christmas Eve and I can’t help feeling annoyed that you’ve mugged me off with no Christmas gift when I gave you one x days ago. Not a good look.’