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Original poster

Mil opened presents with toddler while I was at work

114 replies

LeChatNoirv · 24/12/2024 15:44

Not sure if I’m unreasonable or not here, so could do with some advice!

Mil brought her Christmas gifts to my toddler today while I’m at work and DH was at home. She then opened a few (not all) with her. I just feel a bit gutted as these were her first Christmas gifts to open this year and I missed it. Toddler hasn’t opened presents since her first birthday and I really wanted to see that excitement.

DH says I’m overreacting as I’ll see my daughter opening presents tomorrow anyway. Who is unreasonable?

OP posts:
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Arran2024 · 03/01/2025 22:08

I had moved to London and got engaged but the wedding was in my home town in Scotland. Lots of people from our little town gave me gifts - and my mother opened all of them. She never discussed it with me, she just did it. I was too scared of her to object. Anyway, I don't think it's OK that mil did this. It's controlling imo.

mathanxiety · 25/12/2024 03:33

devilspawn · 24/12/2024 18:55

I much prefer Santa. It's not American, it's Dutch, and been used in the UK since medieval times so pre-dates America.

Also much easier for little kids to say and dyslexics to write.

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Indeed, and it's Santa in Ireland too.

Though many a dyslexic has written a letter to Satan.

mathanxiety · 25/12/2024 03:30

LeChatNoirv · 24/12/2024 17:50

Apologies, I should’ve mentioned she’s here on Christmas morning so will be here for all present opening

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Granny should have waited. That was a dickish thing to do, and your husband should have stopped her.

IknowIputitsomewhere · 25/12/2024 02:26

LeChatNoirv · 24/12/2024 16:21

Thanks for the replies

I should have added that mil is here tomorrow morning, which is the whole reason I was upset 🤦‍♀️. So she would’ve seen daughter open the gifts anyway.

BUT I did have an inkling I was being unreasonable, so thanks for giving my head a wobble 😂

No, you're being totally reasonable, and your husband was way out of line having a go at you about it.

Lulabellez · 25/12/2024 02:19

Oxonc3 · 24/12/2024 23:39

my mil opened Ds’s stocking (presents from Santa/ Fc) while. i was breastfeeding DD.
she was usually a pretty decent person, but I did hold it against her for ever.I think it depends on the FC/santa/grandparent ratio in your family

Now this would piss me off if you were out the room. That’s sneaky with the stocking, but not just something she had bought herself and brought round.

Hols23 · 24/12/2024 23:43

LeChatNoirv · 24/12/2024 17:50

Apologies, I should’ve mentioned she’s here on Christmas morning so will be here for all present opening

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I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Who opens presents on Christmas Eve for no reason?! Why couldn't she have waited?!

However I'd definitely bite my tongue for the sake of harmony.

Oxonc3 · 24/12/2024 23:39

my mil opened Ds’s stocking (presents from Santa/ Fc) while. i was breastfeeding DD.
she was usually a pretty decent person, but I did hold it against her for ever.I think it depends on the FC/santa/grandparent ratio in your family

johnyhadasister · 24/12/2024 23:22

it is not an issue.

AmethystRuby · 24/12/2024 23:20

YABU. your MIL was excited. she couldnt wait to see your DC's face. i wouldnt be annoyed at that. she probably just wanted to have a special moment with her grandchild. if you were there its likely your DC would have gravitated towards you with excitement and maybe your MIL just wanted that moment for herself.

buttonousmaximous · 24/12/2024 23:18

If she's here for Xmas presents should be saved until then

LBFseBrom · 24/12/2024 23:07

AshCrapp · 24/12/2024 18:43

It's regional. Your region of England isn't the entirety of non-american English speaking world, and aren't automatically more traditional than the rest of ours.

Edited
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I agree, I always knew Father Christmas was Santa Klaus and vice versa. Never believed in him but knew the myth :-), and about St Nicholas.

Shellybeans · 24/12/2024 22:41

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all, and I don’t agree that MIL can do as she pleases just because they’re gifts from her. It’s your family and your Christmas traditions you are starting. It sounds like MIL is included in your Christmas Day anyway, so completely normal and reasonable to wait. It was thoughtless of her to do it without you there.

SwordToFlamethrower · 24/12/2024 21:47

It's no big deal. It isn't for you, it's for your child and she was delighted :)

Tourmalines · 24/12/2024 21:02

LucilePevensie · 24/12/2024 20:27

A nice person waits for a child's mother to be there to give them presents to open.
A nasty piece of work pushes boundaries and then calls 'petty' whomever objects.
😉

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Rubbish . A nice person BUYS presents first off. Wraps them and then opens just ONE or two of them on Christmas eve and leaves the rest . The child will have more than enough presents to open Christmas morning . How ridiculous. Childs mother won’t be missing out on anything.

ByHeartyCyanMentor · 24/12/2024 21:01

soupfiend · 24/12/2024 20:34

Yes this doesnt make sense, presents under the tree are from santa, mum, dad, brother, sister, grandparents etc etc

It doesnt undermine any belief in father christmas

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Well in my family because he was a magical postman.
I never had presents under the tree, it still feels an odd concept and all the presents are still squirreled away ( including those from family in the back of my car) to be delivered by Father Christmas and my kids are 18 and 15.

ByHeartyCyanMentor · 24/12/2024 20:59

My goodness me, I would have been fuming if this had happened when mine were little.
Thankfully DH and I both came from families where Father Christmas delivered all the presents from everyone and they were opened Christmas morning with no thought of whether the government was there.
I think a lot of Christmas present opening upset comes from everyone expecting their other half does Christmas exactly the same way they do - which often isn’t the case. As with all things prior discussion is key and there is no right way to do Christmas.

saraclara · 24/12/2024 20:54

Cherrysoup · 24/12/2024 18:36

I’d be pissed off given she’s there in the morning too. This is your child, not hers. DH should have stopped her.

Also her son's child, and he seems to have said it was okay.

saraclara · 24/12/2024 20:52

Presumably she asked your DH if it was okay, and he said yes. If that's the case, she's done nothing wrong.

healthybychristmas · 24/12/2024 20:46

Better for your child not to have them all on the same day. Have a lovely Christmas and try not to worry about little things like this 🎄

stargazerlil · 24/12/2024 20:44

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I hope they make sure you get to spend time with your child tomorrow alone, while they do the work.

TheThreeMiracles · 24/12/2024 20:37

Seen as she's coming tomorrow too I wouldn't like this and I'd find it sneaky that said my mil used to be quite sneaky !

soupfiend · 24/12/2024 20:34

BodyKeepingScore · 24/12/2024 16:19

Why would Santa be bringing the presents from MIL?

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Yes this doesnt make sense, presents under the tree are from santa, mum, dad, brother, sister, grandparents etc etc

It doesnt undermine any belief in father christmas

LucilePevensie · 24/12/2024 20:27

Tourmalines · 24/12/2024 19:31

You are unreasonable. But I’m sure you’ll get over it in the years to come when you’ll realise it’s petty .

A nice person waits for a child's mother to be there to give them presents to open.
A nasty piece of work pushes boundaries and then calls 'petty' whomever objects.
😉

Tourmalines · 24/12/2024 19:31

You are unreasonable. But I’m sure you’ll get over it in the years to come when you’ll realise it’s petty .

mathanxiety · 24/12/2024 19:21

Was she still there when you got home?

If so, then she should have waited.

The good bit is that your DH is now in charge of the thank you notes to gran since this was done on his watch.

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