If you were invited "for Christmas Day"

I would have asked what time I should come round and that would tell me which part of the day I'm invited for.

You should have told her a time when you invited her - now you are sitting at home wondering what time she is coming round and she's probably sitting at home wondering what time she should go round.

Just phone her and agree a time.

@Gracelet If I was invited for Christmas Day I would certainly expect to be there for most of the day and absolutely included in the dinner etc. However, I'd always know the timings e.g. when we go to in-laws we usually start there at 12noon / 1pm (as we have kids we do our own thing AM).

However, if you didn't communicate a time, perhaps she wasn't sure either and thought you just meant for her to pop in. So, yes, maybe she has planned something else as it was not very clear from you?

Can you not just send a message along the lines of
"of course we've catered for you, no problem at all. Why don't you come around at X time, then we'll aim to have dinner at X."

Then it's clear and if she happened to have made other plans (which is a possibility as you'd not stipulated a time, so perhaps she didn't want to impose) she'll let you know.

I was spending Christmas alone one year (didn't drive then and couldn't be arsed to be stuck somewhere for three days due to lack of public transport).

I'd been invited by local friends to come round for "tea" at around 5pm. I assumed mince pies and a glass of Baileys or such like...

I'd enjoyed a magnificent lunch for one (thank you M&S) and when I arrived, you've guessed, it was a full on Christmas Dinner with turkey and all the trimmings. Pure Vicar of Dibley!

So definitely clarify with your friend OP!

(Surely no one calls it "Christmas Tea??")

You really need to ask her what her plan is. If it’s your best friend surely you can drop a message saying ‘hey what time are you coming and are you not having lunch?’

That's really rude of her. If I was invited for Christmas Day I would assume the whole day, but at the very minimum, Christmas dinner!

If someone invited me for Christmas Day my response we would be what time should I arrive and would you like me to bring anything like a desert or wine? I wouldn’t just say ok and assume we were both on the same page, because some people would mean pop in for a chat and a drink, and others would mean stay over the night before and be there for the whole day, but then I’m quite an organised person and I would hate to turn up too late/early or outstay my welcome.

It might be that she's being polite (as she is a vegetarian and you're not, she may perceive it as putting you out to cater for her).

Phone her and say she is welcome to join you for Christmas dinner as you do have vegetarian options. If she has another plan, hopefully you can freeze the veggie food so it isn't wasted.

I think transparency is necessary in situations like this! A simple, come for the day, we're having lunch at X o'clock. You could call her now and just let her know when you're eating and see what she says.
Next time sort the details out with the initial invite.

Would you not have checked with her that what you had arranged for her was OK? She probably assumed she was not invited to lunch if you had not said "oh - we have got x, y, z for you - is this OK for a veggie?"

Well I would have arrived Christmas Eve if I was invited for Christmas day and be leaving Boxing day so I would have been very wrong. Guess we all need to be more accurate about timings.

I think it was just as much down to the host as the guest, maybe more so the host. If you didn't clarify what time to arrive or that you were inviting her to the meal it might have been considered rude for her to assume.

Did you text, if so, what was the wording?

Probably just a lack of communication on both parts. Hope you enjoy your day and get to catch up.

I'd probably come after breakfast and go early evening if the invitation was for the 'Day', timings would probably depend on when you had meals and I'd definitely expect to be fed.

To me it would include Christmas lunch, but the timings would not be obvious as everyone does things differently.

If you're embarrassed OP, you don't need to tell her that you expected her for lunch. Just phone or message her to discuss timings generally, and see what happens.

She’s your best friend? Pickup the phone and talk to her then! Clarify what works. Maybe she’s trying to avoid being hassle. Maybe she’s used to people forgetting a veggie option. Or maybe she has other plans and thought you just meant pop by.

If accepted an invitation "For Christmas Day" I would assume I would be there from 11am to 5pm at least but I wouldn't assume that would include the main Christmas meal as some families have that in the evening and just have picky bits during the day.

But you don't want to know what I assume you need to know what she is assuming. You need to actually ask her, making it clear that she's very welcome and you would like to have her for as long as she will enjoy staying for, but would like to know the general shape of her day and what else she's fitting in so that you don't assume she'll be there at times when she won't be.

Not stupid just a misunderstanding that is easily cleared up between friends.

If someone invited me for Christmas Day, in my head I'd probably think I'd arrive around 11am, and stay into the early evening at least. Would definitely involve dinner and I'd be offering to help with prep and probably turn up armed with the dessert.

I'd probably assume from about 12 till early evening.
But as a host and as a guest I would have clarified. It can mean different things.
We've been invited to someone's for 'after lunch' and they were a bit vague.. I'm taking it to mean sometime after the kings speech.

It means lunch ! But perhaps your friend understood it as ‘pop in to see us on Christmas Day.’ Tell her DH has perfected the wild mushroom roulade and to get her arse over here at 2pm sharp.

If it were my best mate, it would mean (in both houses) ‘come round after breakfast, anytime after 11 but aim for midday. Help with lunch and stay the night’.

Just ask her. Say you have veggie food for her and want to know if it's worth cooking tomorrow for her.

She might have been trying to avoid you having to make provision for her being vegetarian. It's not necessarily that she has other plans (other than feeding herself at home so that you don't have to).

Communication is key plus we all have different ideas about schedules on Christmas Day. I think it's essential to specify what the invitation is for. Whilst for Christmas Day does sound unambiguously like a dinner invite to me, to a family who eats at 7pm with a big brunch around 11am it may not include food if from midday until 6pm ...

You’re not in the least bit stupid. Her social skills are lacking.

I would have specified for her to either come for Christmas lunch or pop in before/after lunch. Your invitation was a bit vague tbh. If I was her I wouldn’t have assumed the whole day. A lot of people assume this is family time, especially if they haven’t been asked ‘would you like to come to ours for Christmas lunch?’.
Also, maybe as a veggie, she is concerned about cross contamination or what veggie food you would serve her? Some people have specific/fussy tastes.

Just like any other invitation i would make it clear in the first place.
Our christmas day with family who visit starts about 2ish we eat at 3ish and we go into the evening. Other people will do it differently.
I wouldn't just expect them to guess