If you were invited "for Christmas Day"

Yes, that’s not very welcoming.

In a 'general way' I'd take it to mean arriving after the family has opened gifts, etc, and had time to get ready for guests. If Xmas Dinner is early to mid afternoon, I'd probably arrive around 1 or so and stay til 7-8 ish so they had time to relax together before bedtime. If I was at a friend's who has Xmas Dinner 6 ish, I wouldn't show up til around 4 and I'd leave when they got sick of me. Of course, my children and some of our very close friends are welcome to show up here at the crack of dawn and stay til the next day, and vice versa for us with them lol.

I always thinks it's best that if you invite someone for 'Xmas Day', you actually tell them when to show up: "Mary, we'd love you to spend Xmas Day with us. Why don't you come over at <insert time> and spend the day with us. Dinner will be at <insert time>".

I wouldn't assume anything; I'd say, 'How lovely, thanks. What time should I turn up and did you mean for a meal? Drinks? What can I bring?...'

If I was the one extending the invitation I'd say e.g. 'Please come and have Christmas lunch with us at x o'clock, and you're welcome to stay as long as you like' (with a disclaimer that nothing very exciting will be happening, just film-watching/reading etc, and that they may need to take a turn at opening a bottle/putting the kettle on/getting the leftovers out of the fridge).

Whichever way, I wouldn't leave it at 'come for Christmas Day'. I think you've both been a bit vague and disorganised.

I’d probably assume it was an all day invitation initially but if I hadn’t heard anything from the hosts about what sort of food was going to be served / asked to contribute something / been checked in with about dietary preferences etc in the fortnight preceding then I’d change that assumption and conclude I wasn’t being invited for food and plan accordingly.

'Christmas day,' without the mention of lunch/dinner could be perceived as a drop in for drinks and snacks either before or after the meal.
But if your plan is for her to be there for at least part of the meal then it's good you got food in for her. It'd be worse if you'd misunderstood and she wanted feeding but wasn't catered for.
Don't let it spoil your day. She can stay for lunch or not, presumably it won't make that much difference.
I cooked Xmas dinner for 10 years for one woman and she now hates me. Lol

I’m vegetarian and I say this to people because I don’t want to give them the bother of catering especially for me. Of course it’s lovely when they insist it will be no problem! Call her, tell her what you have planned, see what she says.

I have a friend who I saw Christmas day for many years, he'd pop in for a glass of something at about 1030am. If I invited someone for Christmas Day - unless I knew that they were spending it alone- I'd assume they were popping in for an hour. Either way I'd double check when/how long in it advance. Did you not talk about it?

I would let her know you have a vegetarian option for her as you’d assumed she was having lunch, she might be being polite and feel she is putting you out as she doesn’t eat meat.

with someone thart close from me, I would give more details and ask for their plans!

Like come on Christmas day, anything from xxx time is good, lunch/ diner should be around xxx. I count you in for lunch?

I found it weird not to discuss arrangements, in just a casual conversation.

“Hi friend, lunch is no problem we are planning on cooking veggie options. We aim to eat around 1pm so you are welcome to arrive anytime before then. Text when you r on your way. Can’t wait to see you”

That.
And if I was inviting someone, I'd specify: 'You'd be welcome any time after about 10 and you'd be very welcome to stay until we've walked the dogs/ for cheese and crackers in the evening/ overnight if you would like to.'

We asked SIL, BIL and their children for 'tea and cake' on Boxing Day once (they lived about 25 mins away). They turned up much earlier than expected (something like 2 when we'd said we'd start with a dog walk at 3) and didn't bugger off again till well into the evening when we were well past tea and cake time and starting to feel mean for not offering them an evening meal...

We've been invited somewhere "for Christmas Day" and been told to arrive at 1pm and we are invited to stay til 4pm :)

So an eat and run essentially. It feels odd.

I have actual conversations with my best friend. Given she is vegetarian and knows you are not, she may have made a reasonable assumption that your didn't mean for the meal. But I also agree with another poster - I would assume that an invite for Christmas Day is from the evening of Christmas Eve to Boxing Day.

I've never invited anyone "for Christmas". I've invited loads of people for Christmas lunch and explained this will be around 3 , or so and that will be pheasant or venison, not turkey.

My Mum will always say don't worry about catering for me (veggie), she's not rude she is just minimal fuss. We obviously always cater for her. Just literally ask her whether she is coming for dinner as you've catered for her, or whether she is leaving before dinner.

"Christmas Day" means different things to different people. I think the onus is on the host to give a clear invitation of when to arrive, when people will eat and when they're expected to leave

Hope it all works out

So is it easier to be embarrassed or have the knowledge of what she planned?
If she really is a friend you can laugh about your embarrassment together at the next meetup.

I would assume I was being invited for Christmas dinner. I would ask around what time they wanted me to arrive. I wouldn't expect to leave until the evening.

My DH is vegetarian and he’d say something similar because he means ‘please don’t go to too much trouble’.

I’ve taken him at his word and he’s just going to be served various vegetables so he’ll be fed just fine.

You need to ring her and SPEAK to her, like we all did in the olden days. 😂

Message and say it's fine of course we have catered for you!

She may mean she will have the sides and no meat.

I would assume arrive mid morning and leave early evening. Or maybe after Gavin and Stacey.

Just ask her what her plans are for the day and you hope she'd be with you for the day.
Best friend? Surely you can have a conversation about this stuff.

Pick up the phone and talk to her. ‘Friend, it’s Christmas Day, what do you mean you’re not coming for dinner-that’s the main event! When were you coming for then?!

Why would you be really annoyed and upset??

That’s pretty extreme.

Just ask her what time she’s planning on coming/staying.

Say you usually eat around X time and she’s more than welcome to stay for it because you have food that she can eat.

I would feel like I’m putting someone out by staying all day.

Communication is key