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Original poster

If you were invited "for Christmas Day"

133 replies

Gracelet · 24/12/2024 13:58

Would that mean to you for the whole day, staying for lunch, etc. Or would you take it to mean you could just pop in for some of it and make other plans for the rest of the day?

This is the situation with my best friend who was invited "for Christmas Day", so planned and catered for, but she's just said "Oh don't worry about feeding me" (she's a vegetarian) But DP has already got in veggie options. Presumably she isn't going to sit and watch us eat so I can only assume that she's made other plans for the afternoon. If she's done this I'll be really annoyed and upset :( I was looking forward to spending some Christmas time with her.

FWIW she's our only visitor invited "for Christmas Day"

OP posts:
Bogginsthe3rd · 24/12/2024 17:55

*wrong thread !

Grabyourpassportandmyhand · 24/12/2024 17:51

Oh I'm sorry OP and its understandable you're hurt.

Did she think it was a casual arrangement all along do you think? Having a drink in the local pub suggests she lives nearby?

There isn't much you can do or say to make it better so I wouldn't say anything now or later but I would put her friendship into the 'casual friend' category for future reference.

UndeniablyGenXmasOfAWomblingMerryType · 24/12/2024 17:51

Moier · 24/12/2024 17:28

Did that include her DP?.she would want to spend it with him surely?

It's her ex (and son who the OP had also invited) she's gone to spend it with so assume no DP in the picture.

stichguru · 24/12/2024 17:49

I think you have to call her and talk about it. You assumed she'd stay for dinner and got in the right food, she felt awkward to ask for veggie options, so thought she wouldn't stay for dinner. It's lovely that she presumed she'd need to go sort her own food rather than assuming you'd make a veggie option, lovely that you wanted to include her.

TerrysCIockworkOrange · 24/12/2024 17:47

Totally understandable you’re feeling a bit hurt and upset by this OP - she’s been really rude. Not worth a Christmas argument but in your shoes it is something I might address with her when the heat’s gone out of it in the new year. Totally depends on how close and open you two are though
i hope you have a wonderful relaxed and lazy Christmas regardless, try not to let it bother you! And hopefully you can freeze the veggie stuff

Waterboatlass · 24/12/2024 17:32

That's rude to pull out the day before. 'for Christmas day' means including dinner. 'My tolerance for flakiness has shortened drastically recently.

Sounds like she's seeing partner instead

Bogginsthe3rd · 24/12/2024 17:29

The only way you can have a USP is to go cold turkey (pun intended) literally all year. If you check emails and Whatsapp there is no interest at all. Finalise the deal before you switch off and switch on next Jan 1st. Get someone to intermittently film you on an old camcorder

Floralnomad · 24/12/2024 17:29

Enjoy your day tomorrow @Gracelet , your ‘friend’ is rude .

Moier · 24/12/2024 17:28

Did that include her DP?.she would want to spend it with him surely?

ExceededUsefulEconomicLife · 24/12/2024 17:28

Gracelet · 24/12/2024 17:09

Oh well, less need for a pristine house and a lazier morning! Stupidly feeling a bit tearful - wtf?!

Oh OP! 😭 no good deed goes unpunished! Sorry this has upset you, you sound lovely. I hope you have a good day Flowers

Mostlyoblivious · 24/12/2024 17:27

This is a reflection on your friend and not yourself. You sound lovely OP - have a very fab christmas

poemsandwine · 24/12/2024 17:25

Gracelet · 24/12/2024 16:48

And she's pulled out entirely :(

That's so fucking rude of her.

What if you hadn't called? Was she just going to not show up? Ugh, I'd be so annoyed.

Livelovebehappy · 24/12/2024 17:21

Shinyandnew1 · 24/12/2024 14:42

Pick up the phone and talk to her. ‘Friend, it’s Christmas Day, what do you mean you’re not coming for dinner-that’s the main event! When were you coming for then?!

That message comes across as a bit....aggressive.

Onlycoffee · 24/12/2024 17:19

Gracelet · 24/12/2024 17:09

Oh well, less need for a pristine house and a lazier morning! Stupidly feeling a bit tearful - wtf?!

You've been let down, if course it's perfectly natural to feel tearful x

Livelovebehappy · 24/12/2024 17:19

Maybe she generally is made to feel that she is difficult to cater for. My dd is vegetarian, and often tells people not to cater for her when she visits, as feels she is putting people out. I'm sure if you got back to your friend to tell her you'd bought food specially for her needs that she would change her mind.

Onlycoffee · 24/12/2024 17:18

Gracelet · 24/12/2024 17:07

Quite possibly. I think she did understand but knew she was going to pull out. Apparently her ex got upset that she wasn't doing Christmas with him and their son (son also invited here). Makes me think that she never really intended to come.

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Oh sorry op, in that case she should have been more clear and honest with you, not very fair if her at all.
Is she often like this?

buttonousmaximous · 24/12/2024 17:15

Because it's shitty of her. She agreed to come you got stuff in for her. She cancels Xmas eve. It's a dick move. I'd guess she fully intended to come for all of it until ex got in touch.

UndeniablyGenXmasOfAWomblingMerryType · 24/12/2024 17:13

Bloody rude of her, OP. I hate people who flake out at the last minute like that. Why couldn't she tell you in reasonable time? I suppose at least you know now so you won't be waiting for her to turn up tomorrow.

Original poster
Gracelet · 24/12/2024 17:09

Oh well, less need for a pristine house and a lazier morning! Stupidly feeling a bit tearful - wtf?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Gracelet · 24/12/2024 17:07

Onlycoffee · 24/12/2024 17:02

I don't understand the sequence of events. You invited her for Christmas Day, you got food especially for her, she said don't feed me, and now she's pulled out?
Did she ever confirm she was coming for a meal, because it looks like she was telling you she wasn't, yet you got food anyway?

I think in future you need to be more direct and clear, especially as she's your best friend.

Quite possibly. I think she did understand but knew she was going to pull out. Apparently her ex got upset that she wasn't doing Christmas with him and their son (son also invited here). Makes me think that she never really intended to come.

OP posts:
Jennyathemall · 24/12/2024 17:07

The onus is on both parties to clarify exactly what it is expected.
Communication people, the solution to 99% of mumsnet “issues”

Onlycoffee · 24/12/2024 17:02

I don't understand the sequence of events. You invited her for Christmas Day, you got food especially for her, she said don't feed me, and now she's pulled out?
Did she ever confirm she was coming for a meal, because it looks like she was telling you she wasn't, yet you got food anyway?

I think in future you need to be more direct and clear, especially as she's your best friend.

Thursdaygirl · 24/12/2024 16:56

Gracelet · 24/12/2024 16:48

And she's pulled out entirely :(

Very poor form

cuteyfluff · 24/12/2024 16:53

MaybeBaby2024 · 24/12/2024 16:52

No way! That’s so rude. Is she normally so flakey?

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I expect it's the bloke.

MaybeBaby2024 · 24/12/2024 16:52

Gracelet · 24/12/2024 16:48

And she's pulled out entirely :(

No way! That’s so rude. Is she normally so flakey?