To talk to my SIL / best friend about her reaction to my pregnancy?

Your contribution has nothing of value either in that case then other than to heap more guilt on the OP who has done nothing wrong. If you can’t see how your statement is mean, you need to either do some soul searching or stop throwing words about loosely. You don’t know appear to know what patronising means either.

I didn't say to suggest it. 🙄
I said that if she is that desperate, she could consider it. The point is, there are options other than having to find a partner.

Be careful about making assumptions about why she she is distant. Remember your husband is her brother. She may feel uncomfortable knowing all that she knows, especially now you are having another baby.

it isn't something I'd beat myself up about

See this just comes across as pretty insensitive. You just couldn't be bothered to text her before hand....you say you made all these concessions to her before so you bloody well knew how she felt about everything and then you've gone and dropped the baby bomb on her at Christmas time whilst you're surrounded by your lovely husband and lovely kids and newly pregnant. I'm not sure why you thought this would go any differently

Doesn't sound like you've every struggled at anything....don't work...fall pregnant quickly and easily

If I was your SIL I'd struggle to be around you too probably

DITTO

I agree
Whatever the reason it's still not okay to be downright rude

She just sounds envious of your happy life. And is depressed and fed up with her life.

Leave her alone and don't suggest ivf or adoption to her please op

How ?? You've forced her to an in person announcement with no space to process her feelings

Could you have announced it a couple of weeks ago by text or something. You've basically given her no choice but to face her feelings while you're around rather than ugly cry in private.

How is that statement mean?

Your post is patronising and adds nothing to the thread.

You sure you know what “usurp “ means? Strangest way to use that verb and very mean statement too.

This is MN, where you're not allowed to announce a pregnancy for fear of offending people for xyz reasons. In real life, it's perfectly normal. And no matter her issues, she is very wrong to be so rude to you. You don't need to apologise for having a child just because she hasn't met a man yet. We all make choices, and are lucky in some respects and unlucky in others. She needs to get over herself, her perceived failures are not your fault.

Maybe a quiet word, one on one, asking her if she's OK may help. But you may need to accept some distance from her.

One thing I’ve learned in life is that it is ebbs and flows. Whoever you are, you’ll have good times and bad. With that you should celebrate others highs and be there for them in their lows, and they you.

I had 10 years of infertility and saw friends have 3 or 4 in this time. It was hard, but it was THIER babies, their time of joy, not mine.

To not want to be around your DC is pretty shit TBH, and I’d not be happy about that. I’d leave her be, and wait for her to come to you.

Whilst it may not have been a good idea to announce it the way you did, I wouldn’t be walking on egg shells around her. Even though I had fertility struggles I still found others begrudged me having a baby. In fact I was really upset when I got pregnant after so many years and some people begrudged me that. In fact this was the catalyst of change for me and I decided there and then I’d be as happy as I could when good things happen to me and to devil with anyone who tried to take it away from me.

Go and find her, give her a hug and say that you are sorry she is finding things hard at the moment, apologise for the perceived insensitivity, (although I can't see you did anything wrong). Be the better person and build bridges before any more hurt happens on either side. Her single status and your multiple pregnancies are not related.

If she is really that desperate for children, she could explore IVF and sperm donation. Or do as a friend of mine has done and adopt.

Agree here
One or two children is fine, but to keep on having them and expecting the bunting to be hung out at each “announcement “ is going a bit far.

People generally only make a big fuss over the first born anyway- second and subsequent children aren’t really fussed about as much.

OP you do sound rather smug about your life, writing about the supposed friend in a way in which you clearly perceive yourself to be better than her, just because you married her brother and are having a lot of children.

Try not to talk about it in front of her. Try to minimise any horrible comments she makes. However if she is being really blunt and obviously being rude then tell off audibly. Her sad situation never gives her the right to deliberately hurt others.

She had been a bit rude, you have been pretty insensitive.

It sounds like seeing your family and children reminds her of what she doesn't have.

I've been the SIL in a similar situation, not around children though. DH and I have had a very difficult year jobs/finance wise. Whereas SIL has had a huge amount of good fortune financially this year, multiple holidays and a new very large house. While we've been struggling to buy food and have been worrying about defaulting on our mortgage.

I'm very happy for her, and I'm so glad she's doing well, but I admit I've found it very hard to be around her and to keep cheerfully commenting on her various holiday photos and new house photos. I'm aware I'm being bitter and sad and it's not her fault, but I've not wanted to hear about her house or latest trip to Italy/thailand.

I don’t really think you’ve done anything wrong. It’s your baby, it’s not one she was supposed to have.

I think under these circumstances I’d just pull back from her completely. If she finds it too triggering to be round your DC, and even her parents while they are grandparenting, you can’t have much relationship with her anyway. You don’t have to put up with rudeness, it’s a better solution all round to just leave her be.

Please don’t expose your DC to someone who resents them.

Sending a simple text message pre Christmas announcement of her pregnancy is not ‘spending all her time tiptoeing around her friends feelings’. Your post is full of hyperbole. The OP was insensitive, clearly.

Yep

I think I would write to her. A nice card or notelet. Old fashioned, yes, but more personal.

I would acknowledge the conversation you had with her where she told you she was struggling, I would apologise for not giving her the heads up that you were pregnant before you announced it.

Then I would try to be supportive. She was your friend before she was your SIL and this friend is in a bad place, she is seeing her future drifting away from her.

I can see why she is avoiding family situations, but she did open up to you individually, friend to friend. So see if you can spend time with her away from the family, even if it's just for a walk. She needs to talk, to get it straight in her own head before anything else. Get DH on board with parenting to enable you to support his sister.

Yes “involuntary childlessness”. That is the term for it.

It’s not asking her to tip-toe around it but asking an alleged “best friend” to show a degree of sensitivity towards her “best friend” who is struggling with involuntary childlessness and is clearly depressed.

It’s not like she has no idea how her “best friend” is feeling because they talk about it at length.

I don’t think the sister’s comments or behaviour is acceptable but I also think OP could have handled it better. I would have told her ahead of time so she could either prepare herself mentally or decide to do something different for Christmas.

Also nobody talked about “never mentioning their extended family again”.

You seem to be responding to a different post but quoting mine in error.

That is no excuse. A simple text message would have stopped all of this