DH having a rant at me

Cars take a while to warm up in the morning. I imagine every child in the country who is driven to school in the winter starts their journey in a cold car, ffs.

It's also why we keep a couple of throw blankets in the car in the winter.

YABU, OP

I’m sorry, OP but I think I might have had a rant at you for repeatedly moaning about being cold. Being cold isn’t nice but you could have worn more/different clothes to prevent being so cold.

Moaning without doing anything to improve the situation is a waste of your breath and annoying for those who have to listen.

Also, he has nothing to apologise for, so you not "forgiving" him is a bit mad. Sounds like you're the one who needs the forgiveness!

My DS has hypothyroidism and our car is an 07 plate-and cold.
He may mention that it’s cold every now and then (but only once per journey!) any more and I would ask him to be quiet.

Unless the hot air from your complaints heats up the car there is literally no point to it.

Flipping heck. If it's cold in the car, reach out your hand and put the heater on, don't repeatedly moan to someone else about it!

Not the point I know, but the last time I said drama queen on mumsnet I was called a misogynist! She is being a drama queen though.

Poor man. I hope he doesn’t apologise as he hasn’t done anything wrong and if he does it’ll only be to appease you.

I imagine he’s doing the proverbial walking on eggshells that people always suggest means a very bad relationship.

Buck up or he’ll leave you.

Kids won’t be cold - surely they’ll have coats on and be dressed for the outdoors? Honestly, dial down the complaining. It’s really tiresome being on the other end of it.

'Be there for you' about cold feet in the car? Give over

You say his car is older and takes a while to warm up.
You said you were cold twice. Then you said you were concerned about it being cold when he takes the children to school in the morning and then you complained that your feet were still cold.

You complained 4 times about something he could do absolutely nothing about. He can't magically make his car heat up faster. You didn't present solutions you just moaned.
I think it's a bit pathetic really. You know you have health issues. You knew you were going in the older car so you should have put warmer/extra clothes on.
I'm not surprised he was pissed off at you. He shouldn't have "ranted" though but I would also have been annoyed if you'd gone on like that.

Problem with your thyroids can effect your ability to regulate - I have Haisimotos disease can make you feel either.

But I’m team DH here. My children walk to school with a coat, scarf and gloves. I suffer the cold badly but I wouldn’t moan to my partner about his car and we have 2014 plates. Or moan if I was walking or didn’t have a car.

What do you want your partner to do? Magic warmth in the car? You are lucky you have a car and that it has a working heater. For me, myself and my partner went for a coffee yesterday but our usual coffee shop was closed (dog friendly) and we went to one that wasn’t dog friendly so had to sit outside. He checked I was ok with that, they did have outside heaters but they were off and he did go in and ask nicely if they could pop them on. He also nipped back to the car and got me a blanket. That was kind of him and he knows sitting in the cold is hard for me (I have some joint issues too). It was nice with a heater on and blanket even in 3 degrees. That was for 45 minutes.

As a tip though, leave your children’s clothes including socks on the radiator overnight and then they are warm to put on, same with your clothes and coats and scarfs and hats. Putting on toasty warm clothes on a cold morning is lovely. Invest in decent coats and a pair on driving gloves etc and nice warm boots. Good kit is half the battle. But don’t moan at him.

He should “be there for you” because you’re a bit cold in his car? Bloody hell I’ve heard it all now.

I probably would’ve had a rant at you as well in his situation, just moan moan moaning about something that can’t be solved. That would drive me insane. And as for the comment in your original post about how “husbands should listen, just listen”…poor, poor guy.

You were upset at being cold. Your husband had acknowledged you were cold and tried to "fix" it by putting the heating on. What precisely else do you want him to do? Listening to someone moan is not helping them.

As an aside, I have Raynaud's syndrome. This means that I always wear extra layers and generally have even more with me because I know I get cold. If you know you get colder than the average person then why are you not doing the same?

You moaned THREE times that you were cold despite the heating being on. Yeah, you were being annoying.

It sounds like he’s sick of you moaning and using your diagnoses as more reason to moan. Just have a think and really analyse whether you have been fun to live with recently (or for a long while).

He can be there for you without having to hear constant complaining. It is very draining on the people around you even when you don’t intend it to be.

You're currently abusing him OP. You need to go and apologise to him now.

You're just not listening are you.

I hope the OP hasn't stopped reading because we are not sympathising with her. She really needs to read a lot of these excellent posts.

Sorry OP, in the nicest possible way, what you said in your first post was a non issue and sounds like you was just moaning for the sake of it.

Don't let this ruin Christmas eh, far bigger things to worry about

I didn't realise that getting married meant that you had a right to drain your spouse dry of happiness with daily whinging. It's time to put your big girl pants on and suck it up a bit more often.

You were just getting on his nerves because you were repeatedly moaning about something that he couldn't do anything about. If you want to have a nice Christmas with the kids I think you should ask him if he wants a cup of tea and apologise in the hope that it blows over before Christmas.
If he keeps sulking after you've apologised then he would be the one in the wrong.

Shouslnt your husband listen, just listen, without exceptation.

not if he feels you only talk to moan at him. If you know his car heats up slowly, the thing to do would be to take yours (presumably you CBA to do that? due to the other car in the way)

a short car ride in the morning won't adversely affect your DCs

I think im without husband here. God its awful when someone you love complains to you consistently about things. I'd also consider that your tone of voice when you do so probably isn't what you think it is.

You need to apologise first and look at how you communicate with him.

I'm also going to be that person who says I don't think ND is an excuse here. And I say that as someone who is neurordivergent herself.

ND makes many things harder but for many of us it doesn't stop us treating others with respect & consideration and it shouldn't be an excuse not too. Your ND may mean that you haven't realised your communication style (and moaning to him) is a problem, thats fair. What it doesn't mean is that you get away with not doing anything about it.

Usual ND caveats apply as to seriousness - I'm assuming from your post you're able to live What most people consider an ordinary life (job, family etc) and that you can manage basic self care etc.

I don't know why you brought up your children feeling cold in the car until it heats up. That does sound like a personal attack on him tbh - are you implying it's not good enough for you or your children to tolerate a bit of cold for a few minutes but that it's OK for him (and that you should switch cars)?

Cars take a little while to warm up in winter and cool down in summer, even with air con. I can't even imagine the privileged lifestyle one must lead to have cars a perfect temperature before you get in them year round!

Give him a break, apologise to him and then start some self reflection about how you communicate with him. It's not his job to listen to you moan & complain every day.

Gently OP I am not sure what you expected him to do in this situation. He can’t exactly set the car on fire can he. And not speaking to him is incredibly childish.