DH having a rant at me

Hey Op you said your DH listed all the things you had complained about that day…… that you said was exaggerated……

sounds like you are not aware of how negative you are. How about keeping a list on your phone to check in

Lots of children also walk to school in the cold and survive to tell the tale. A cold car is really not worth causing a row about.

I am on Day Two of my mum being here for Xmas and given that the mood hoovering litany of everything that could be better (Bed too hard! Dogs too barky! House too cold! Car too low to the ground! TV remote too hard to use! Food too rich! Kettle too complicated!) has me dialled up to "12" I empathise with Mr @Bettib00 - you sound like you whinged a step too far....

OP he went on a nasty rant at you and then threw everything possible at you. He did this to shut you up. How dare you have a complaint or an opinion as a woman!

This is typical misogynist male behaviour and everyone saying you complained too much are missing the point. You are not the cause of his disproportionate ranting. You are not at fault. He is.

This is something that he most likely cannot change. There will be more ranting in the future. You might be able to complain less to keep the peace but you’ll always be walking on eggshells scared to express yourself.

The question is can you live this way for the rest of your life? I could not.

It's hard to take so much blunt criticism when you are upset and feel you are not in the wrong. However, you appear to be in a mindset of needing someone else to do something rather than doing something for yourself.

Change this stance to one where you ask yourself whether there is anything you could do rather than automatically thinking that it is your husband who needs to. Try to adopt a disposition of being resourceful and problem solving for yourself. Anticipate problems and do something about them.

You will thrive on being more active on your own behalf and your husband will feel more at ease so you will both enjoy a better balance in your relationship. Try to make up. You could just say something like 'You were upset and I was upset for our own reasons. Let's put it aside now and get on and enjoy Christmas with the children'.

You repeatedly mentioned in the car that it was cold despite there being nothing that could be done about it.

It was a huge over reaction on your husband’s part but probably the last straw after long-term repetitive moaning and complaining about unimportant things.

It sounds like it might be a habit on your part to make negative comments, and don’t realise that it can bring others down and be irritating.

Before commenting, try to think if it’s a moan, and if so will the moan actually anything for the better.

If you were that bothered about your children being cold , let your H drive your nice warm car.

Do you often make a bloody big song and dance about something so trivial? No wonder your husband is fed up with it.

Except in the car, evidently.

Oooh I’m going to get to pull out a MN hall of fame comment I’ve until this point never actually used!

‘you sound like very hard work OP’ I’m also ND btw and it’s hard not to fixate on things that are actively bothering you or regulate yourself via talking about it….but it’s not an excuse. YWBU

I’m still wondering what the other belittling stuff is

All you did was express your opinion that you're feeling cold, and then empathically wonder if your kids also feel cold in the mornings

empathically wonder, heard it all now 🤣

Different people respond to situations differently. Perhaps he thinks he is doing things for you but that's not your perception. His idea of 'being there for you' is clearly different to your idea of 'being there for him.' Doesn't mean either of you are wrong just that you are different. You just cannot reasonably expect another person to behave in the way you would (or think you would.) You will be at risk of being perpetually disappointed otherwise!

The heating is currently broken in my car and I have been taking the kids to school with no problem. No I don't think a spouse should listen without exception, I certainly don't and neither does my husband. Do you moan a lot to him? Maybe this was the final straw in a long list, can you maybe make it up and do something the two of you maybe a meal out, sometimes life gets into a bit of a rutt and its just boring moaning to each other.9

Are you always moaning at him? Also could you not turn the heating on yourself?

@Paradisegained
op has hyper not hypo

from the NHS website www.nhs.uk/conditions/overactive-thyroid-hyperthyroidism/

Symptoms of an overactive thyroid
An overactive thyroid can cause a wide range of symptoms, including:

• nervousness, anxiety and irritability
• mood swings
• difficulty sleeping
• persistent tiredness and weakness
• sensitivity to heat
• swelling in your neck from an enlarged thyroid gland (goitre)
• an irregular and/or unusually fast heart rate (palpitations)
• twitching or trembling
• weight loss

@Bettib00 you would hate my 18 year old car, which is freezing first thing in a morning when I put my 3 year old in it to go to nursery.

It's winter, it's cold outside and therefore cars are cold. Go back further than the 10 (ish) years before his car was built and cars were regularly cold of a morning and took way longer to heat up. It didn't hurt us back then, it won't hurt now.

What would you like him to do exactly? Why moan at him about something that's not his fault and he has no power to change. You sound bloody irritating. No he isn't there just for you to moan at. Hes probably miserable poor bloke.

What would I know about thyroids - I had mine removed

You don’t understand the disease.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hashimotos-disease/symptoms-causes/syc-20351855

I do given I have it. Symptoms are:

Hashimoto's disease progresses slowly over the years. You may not notice signs or symptoms of the disease. Eventually, the decline in thyroid hormone production can result in any of the following:

• Fatigue and sluggishness
• Increased sensitivity to cold
• Increased sleepiness
• Dry skin
• Constipation
• Muscle weakness
• Muscle aches, tenderness and stiffness
• Joint pain and stiffness
• Irregular or excessive menstrual bleeding
• Depression
• Problems with memory or concentration
• Swelling of the thyroid (goiter)
• A puffy face
• Brittle nails
• Hair loss
• Enlargement of the tongue

Read it again, increased sensitivity to the cold. Number two.

Thyroxine and I take a large daily dose of this, it relieves some of these symptoms but I am very very sensitive to the cold. Other factors also affect me the amount of stress, workload, exercise and so on. Symptoms are controlled to a greater of lesser degree but my thyroid has effectively failed now. When you take thyroxine your level is constantly changing up and down alongside other factors. Most of the time you get a constant daily dose of thyroxine. And mine is pretty much controlled but I am very very sensitive to the cold and given our temperature inside, outside and so on is varying massively as we go about our normal lives, so will how we tolerate it.

Like other posters here, What did you want him to do right there and then? He put the heater on.
What exactly did you want him to do after he acknowledged you were cold?

What did you expect him to do? It's winter so put on a hat and scarf? Buy a cheap fleece blanket if you're that bothered 🤷🏼‍♀️

But you're not ill or bedridden

You're cold and whiny

Please grow up

She said that he told her she complains all the time, so while that is likely to be an exaggeration, there’s usually no smoke without fire. She also said that she is unwilling to forgive him, so it’s not an unreasonable inference that she’s the one doling out the silent treatment.
Your husband is ok with your moaning… fab! Great that you’ve found each other! You can both moan about things that can’t be solved to your heart’s content. Doesn’t mean everyone else should be happy to put up with listening to it.