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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH having a rant at me

317 replies

Bettib00 · 24/12/2024 08:51

My car was in the garage and my parents' car was in front of the garage so we took my husband's car to go shopping.

My husband's car takes a while to heat up, as it's an older car (15 reg), whilst my car heats up quickly.

Whilst in the car I twice mentioned it was cold and I also expressed concern that the car is probably cold when he drops our children off at school in the morning.

He turned up the heat but I mentioned my feet were still cold. He shook his head and went on a nasty rant about how I have to complain about something every day to him, and he didn't want to listen to me anymore. He proceed to recounted everything I had complained about that was which was a complete exaggeration.

I have hyperthyroidism and a whole host of other problems and I an ND. I was really upset at DH comments. We didn't speak yesterday or today. He will apologise but I don't want to forgive him. He is always belittling me and my feelings.
Shouslnt your husband listen, just listen, without exceptation.

OP posts:
Happyinarcon · 24/12/2024 09:07

I can kind of see your husbands point. I know my mother for example, will always turn up at my door with a complaint about something, be it how far away she had to park, how she almost tripped on a curb, how the music in the cafe was too loud, how the neighbors said hello but she doesn’t want to get too friendly with them etc etc etc. It’s a drag

Heronwatcher · 24/12/2024 09:06

Mentioning it once is fine, maybe he didn’t realise, but mentioning it 3 times is excessive. The other stuff is irrelevant- 10/15 mins in a car makes no difference to anyone, plus assume you had shoes and socks on? Sounds like you might have fallen into a bit of a habit of complaining without realising itand it’s driving him a bit mad.

NewNameNoelle · 24/12/2024 09:06

On the face of it OP, someone moaning about the same thing multiple times when the first moan was enough, that’s going to wind people up. No one likes a whinger.

We have a rule with my repetitive child ‘if you’ve said it once, and we’ve acknowledged, you don’t need to say it again’

OhshitSharon · 24/12/2024 09:05

I'm another who doesn't understand why you would continue to complain about something he can't change tbh OP, what were you hoping to achieve?

SadSandwich · 24/12/2024 09:05

What’s has your ND have to do with this? Do you complain about how you are feeling - you sound like you need to centre urself in everything and that is tiring. When was the last time you asked how everyone else is doing. I think you need a period of introspection- observe urself and those around you.

Original poster
Bettib00 · 24/12/2024 09:03

HelplessSoul · 24/12/2024 08:55

"Shouslnt your husband listen, just listen, without exceptation."

No wonder hes vexed at you if you think all he is there for is to sound off and moan all the time.

Or is it cos hes male and not allowed to have feelings - you know, the same feelings you unload on him?

No, no, no. I am always willing to listen to him.

OP posts:
boulevardofbrokendreamss · 24/12/2024 09:02

YABU. The kids haven't frozen, you haven't frozen, car takes a while to heat up why go on about it.

Why did he have to turn the heat up. You could have done that if you weren't comfortable.

Boredlass · 24/12/2024 09:01

No, your husband shouldn’t listen to you without exception. That would be very controlling

MatildaTheCat · 24/12/2024 09:01

You were belittling him and his much older car.

Dishwashersaurous · 24/12/2024 09:00

Give. This one example, and the fact you seem to think this is ok, it does suggest that you moan rather a lot.

So he's probably at the end of his tether with the moaning and is trying to get you to actually listen to him.

Spangler · 24/12/2024 09:00

Agree with PP. Also, being cold won’t do your kids any harm. He can’t make the car any warmer… what are you hoping to achieve?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 24/12/2024 09:00

YABU - you know it’s an older car that takes ages to heat, what was the point of you complaining to him 3 x about an issue he cannot control.

id be miffed at my husband if he used me as a nonsense sounding board.

Ace56 · 24/12/2024 08:59

You said that you mentioned multiple times you were cold. He’d put the heating up, what else do you expect him to do? If you were in the car with me I probably would’ve told you to shut up, we both know it’s cold and there’s nothing we can do about it!

Dishwashersaurous · 24/12/2024 08:58

You were moaning and repeating something which can't be changed.

It's cold. Fact

Car takes a while to warm up. Fact.

Neither of those things needed to be said, and certainly not then repeated again.

Bluebellsnbowbells · 24/12/2024 08:58

I can’t see the ‘concern’ about kids being cold in a car. 3 hour journey maybe. Trip to school? Of course not!

Catza · 24/12/2024 08:56

But what were you trying to achieve with your complaint? The car is cold. He knows it, you know it. It wasn't your first time in his car. You are cold but he cannot do anything about it.
The kids are taken to school in the morning. Have they ever complain about being cold? If not, then there is really no "concern" to express.
You said you were cold once, then once more, and then the third time. It does seem excessive.
While his reaction seems disproportionate, perhaps you can reflect on whether you do, indeed, complain every day. It can be very strenuous.

HelplessSoul · 24/12/2024 08:55

"Shouslnt your husband listen, just listen, without exceptation."

No wonder hes vexed at you if you think all he is there for is to sound off and moan all the time.

Or is it cos hes male and not allowed to have feelings - you know, the same feelings you unload on him?

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