To be pissed because my kids keep hurting me by jumping on me when I'm sitting on the sofa

No you don’t miss them jumping on you. I promise. Miss cuddles yes or snuggles but jumping on you - no. Mine are over 10 years older than the OP and I’m pleased to say they don’t jump on me and I don’t miss it.

Why ever not? My kids were always out playing all year round. Unless there is an a weather warning such as high winds, torrential rain etc there is no reason for them not going out to play. They will be out all year round at nursery and school. Some nursery's round here are outdoor all the time with only a small shed for inclement weather.

Fending them off isn't the same as removing them though. You haven't described doing this at all in previous posts, and when combined with all the weak-sounding phrases you listed using upthread, it sounds like you're not being particularly firm or quick to shut down the behaviour.
I see this in DH, who does much like what you are describing and gets the same treatment from our DCs (and at 8 & 10yo it hurts a lot more than 4 & 2!). He lets them get away with climbing all over him for a while, then issues a few weak grumbles until they eventually really hurt him, at which point he shouts very loudly leaving the DCs confused and in tears. It does not stop them doing it again though. Funnily enough, they wouldn't dream of jumping on me because they know I won't accept it. At your DCs' ages, there would be no fending off, they would be swiftly removed from the room if they did it.

I used to shoo mines out the door. The sitting room is for sitting the playroom is for playing. Strategic bureau and chair tucked away in the hall where I could hear everyone when they were smaller but sort of boxed in so couldn’t climb on me

I wonder if a den would be a good idea. Sheet, fairy lights cushions and some teddies. I’d be tempted to put a panto on iplayer and have some tea.

Coats on?

@TheFunHare

i bet she doesn’t do that to her mates when at school though

Mine get removed from a room if they can’t be in it and behave nicely while I’m sitting down in it. They also don’t get positive attention from hurting themselves in the course of doing something they’ve been told not to do or know they shouldn’t be doing 🤷🏻‍♀️ you’re right though, it’s just an age thing that it sounds like your older one is already growing out of. You could get them onside with stopping the younger one from doing things you don’t like, my 3 year old often takes instructions from my 5 year old before he’ll take them from us! I also agree that it’s ridiculous and unrealistic when people post on these threads to say they should be playing outside for four hours every day.

@PheasantPluckers

yeah, why not? Kids are tough.

I agree with this. They're still young, but not too young to start learning that Mum is a human being who can be hurt by rough treatment, not a piece of soft play equipment that they can jump on. Shouting won't work when they're excited and jumping around. You need to physically stop them, firmly. When they understand that they won't get their fun because you'll calmly stop them and put them back on the floor every time, they'll lose interest.
Practise a bored, dull expression as you do it too. They need to get no reaction from you other than "no" and stopping them doing it.
As for "you'll miss it" 🙄 Of course you won't! most certainly don't miss the less pleasant aspects of the baby and toddler stages, like having my hair pulled or being stomped on!

Yep - it's sensory seeking and very common with little kids.

@shoogalypeg

eh? Have you been drinking?
OP will miss being physically hurt?!

Will they do jobs with you if you ask them too? Like would they help you peg out washing or put toys away or use a toy vacuum while you use the real one. It’ll probably make the jobs slower but it beats having them jump off the sofas.
I really don’t think you’re doing anything wrong OP. Toddlers just like climbing and jumping and have seemingly infinite energy. Being consistent that jumping on you is not allowed and causes an instant negative reaction/age appropriate consequence and redirection to something else should reduce the frequency but it’s tiring and frustrating however you deal with it.

I never let my kids jump on the furniture or me so it was never a problem.

Every time they do it, get hold of them, get up and put them on the floor with a firm No

I suppose that also, the 4 year old wouldn't be scooting or riding toys round the house either
The toddler would have had ride-ons but they can't get up much speed.

Your house doesn't need to be a play park. That's what outside is for

ps: I don't shout often (to keep it in reserve - so they'll know when i'm really not up for it)

Shouting's fine and perfectly normal. Anyone who thinks not isn't being realistic/doesn't live in real life (and you're teaching your kids that noone'll shout at them if they're truly pissed off - yeah right!)

It's not unreasonable but you need to get them doing something elsewhere. I usually get mine to kick a balloon around or get them dancing to music.

I sometimes find when they are climbing on you, they need some rough and tumble. 2 mins of picking them up, tumbling them around, throwing them on the couch, etc, might get you peace and quiet afterwards. My son (4) needs a lot of physical input and sometimes I slam dunk him really hard on the bed and he loves that. My daughter (2) prefers to be swung upside down etc. It's like an itch they need scratched or something.

I mean, yes it's cold and windy, but it's really not dangerous for the vast majority of people, the vast majority of the time.

I live in a very "outdoorsy" part of the country and kids are out everyday. Okay, not for hours at a time, but they still go out.

I do think you need to manage your expectations a little bit. At those ages, they need a lot of physical stimulation and exercise. If it's too cold for your little one, then you need to set up something inside - a dance video off YouTube, or a Joe Wicks workout, or music for them to bounce and jump around to.

I wouldn't tolerate being jumped and bounced over though - immediate consequences every time, not a "if you do that again then x".

Very true-that’s why wellies were invented!

That's a matter of opinion!

👏👏

Do you know what’s causing the coughing fits? If he’s got asthma or probably asthma and the cold is aggravating it then yes, you want to avoid that. If he’s had a cold and his lungs are full of gunk and running is making him cough up that gunk then that’s likely a good thing.

You could try (if you haven't already) telling them in advance when you sit down that they are to play on their own for a few minutes, giving them a specific activity to do in that time. When they inevitably try to jump on you 30 seconds later anyway, tell them firmly no jumping with a loud OUCH that hurts mummy. If it continues, a warning that there will be a consequence. . but you will then have to follow through if they don't listen.

You'll probably have to do it 8374 times before they get the message. But at least you won't have to shout! And you'll be teaching them consideration for others, which will pay off hugely later on.

I honestly think sometimes this isn’t a UK site! It’s December and dark and cold, we’ve had severe weather warnings in parts of the country.

I am like the OP and we do get out a lot, we are out now. But my older child especially never stops, he can literally spend six hours at forest school, two hours in the park and STILL leap off the sofas! Thankfully the younger one is a bit more chilled!