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Original poster

Silent treatment for Christmas… again

236 replies

StyleSiren · 24/12/2024 01:39

I wasn't enthusiastic about the film DH wanted to watch yesterday evening so he hasn't spoken to me for over 24 hours. Tonight he went into the kitchen and made his own dinner and ate it in the kitchen, then went up to his study. Childishly I retaliated by switching off all the Christmas lights but I am now sitting here crying and steeling myself for another Christmas day in Coventry! I refuse to apologize and I know eventually (after a few days, weeks, months) he will just start behaving as if nothing happened. WWYD in this situation? I don't have family I can go to for Christmas and I don't think any of my friends would appreciate a last minute visitor. I am tempted not to bother putting any of his gifts under the Christmas tree and to go out instead for a long walk and pub lunch (if I can get in anywhere).

OP posts:
TwilightCat · 24/12/2024 04:42

He’s actually given you the best Christmas gift he could, although it won’t feel like it yet.

I was married to one of these for 10 years so I know exactly what you’re going through. Silent treatment is abuse. If they punched us in the face instead of treating us like we don’t exist, we would have no illusions about it being abuse. But this is insidious. And as PPs have said, it doesn’t get better. It will destroy you if you stay. Free yourself from this endless cycle of abuse.

Quitelikeit · 24/12/2024 04:36

Why do you stay with this man?

Dodgydodgydodgy · 24/12/2024 04:32

Do you have children?

If not your plan sounds perfect.

Olive567 · 24/12/2024 04:31

It doesn't get any better unfortunately. I'd use the energy of your anger and hurt to start planning your escape. Life's too short to put up with this. And I speak as someone who has put up with it for too long in my relationship - but am now getting out.

NiftyPeachDreamer · 24/12/2024 04:30

OP, I hope you will make a plan for the new year to leave this inadequate loser and abuser.

Put his presents in the car boot so he can’t get to them and go out for your meal.

dorsetdoll · 24/12/2024 04:22

Take all of his presents back to shops for refunds today. Book a room or turn a room in your house into just you space ( buy and fit a fit a bolt if needed() make yourself some drinks and snacks and settle down with a good book or films change the code on the Wi-Fi and have a brilliant Christmas without him.

MumonabikeE5 · 24/12/2024 04:14

Your marriage is over. You should leave in the new year. Sorry

StellaLaBella · 24/12/2024 04:08

BettyBardMacDonald · 24/12/2024 02:59

Why would you waste your one and only life on him???

Seriously? Yikes

RogueFemale · 24/12/2024 03:57

It is really horrible for him to ignore you / not speak for over a day, and because of such a trivial thing. He sounds horrible and you shouldn't put up with such bad treatment. Tell him to fuck off. Have a lovely Christmas on your own.

nancy75 · 24/12/2024 03:32

My Dad does this, every time there is an occasion or they are going somewhere he does this to my Mum. Every Xmas is shit because he will go in to a Sulk that drags on for weeks before Xmas & everyone tiptoes around him.
I’ve been telling my mum to leave for years.
men like this get worse, not better.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 24/12/2024 03:28

This reply has been withdrawn

Post withdrawn at author's request

Whatisittomorrow · 24/12/2024 03:27

How did you tell him that you didn’t poke his choice in movie?
Did that turn into a heated argument?

There’s never any need for silent treatment. You have my sympathy on this 😔

LoveRicePudding · 24/12/2024 03:22

Silent treatment is emotional abuse. He relishes the control he has over you.
Can't you book somewhere nice, there must be some last minutes or cancellations. If finances are tight, a nice long walk and a pub lunch should sort it out.
And after you had some time for yourself, start planning for exit.

Zanatdy · 24/12/2024 03:22

My ex was exactly the same, that was how he dealt with conflict. Small things like in your example. Honestly, leave. I don’t miss that. We had 2 kids but I couldn’t live like that. 14yrs ago now I left, kids are well adjusted and happy. They love their dad, and he doesn’t do it to them (well once to eldest, and I went mad at him).

Pippa12 · 24/12/2024 03:13

What are your finances like? I’d be tempted to book a holiday over the festive period and then think of an exit strategy somewhere gorgeously hot and sunny!

WellsAndThistles · 24/12/2024 03:08

You need to choose to either to stay with an abuser or start making plans to get away from him.

Otherwise you'll be back on here with the same old story for the rest of your life.

BettyBardMacDonald · 24/12/2024 02:59

Why would you waste your one and only life on him???

Jossse · 24/12/2024 02:56

Have you told him how you feel about his stonewalling? How much it upsets you?
It is a very destructive behaviour. Tell him how it makes you feel and then see what happens. He may or may not change. But at least you will know and understand what you want. I hate stonewalling and will not tolerate it. Good luck

MayaPinion · 24/12/2024 02:49

Can you book yourself into an AirBnB for a week? Take lull the food and your presents and just go and relax away from this head fuckery.

LittleHangleton · 24/12/2024 02:45

Do you have children? If not, there really is nothing stopping you leaving immediately.

Birdscratch · 24/12/2024 02:44

therewasafishinthepercolator · 24/12/2024 01:43

I'm so so sorry. You don't deserve this. He is horrible. Please don't put up with it anymore. His behaviour is not ok. I hope more useful people come along soon to help you. I feel for you.

I reckon if you make the moves to ditch this fucker you'll have a much better christmas next year.

Exactly this. I’m sorry that you have to spend this Christmas with him but next year can be so much better for you.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 24/12/2024 02:26

This is the catalyst. Time to get rid, my friend x

ChristmasEngineer · 24/12/2024 02:24

You will always be lonely with a man like this.

They always get worse.
Get away from him, he's trying to destroy you.

x

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 24/12/2024 02:09

If you were my friend you'd be more than welcome to come to mine for Christmas. Are you sure there's nowhere you could go? If not, get through Christmas by making plans to be rid of this vile man asap in 2025.

MissDicey · 24/12/2024 02:08

StyleSiren · 24/12/2024 01:39

I wasn't enthusiastic about the film DH wanted to watch yesterday evening so he hasn't spoken to me for over 24 hours. Tonight he went into the kitchen and made his own dinner and ate it in the kitchen, then went up to his study. Childishly I retaliated by switching off all the Christmas lights but I am now sitting here crying and steeling myself for another Christmas day in Coventry! I refuse to apologize and I know eventually (after a few days, weeks, months) he will just start behaving as if nothing happened. WWYD in this situation? I don't have family I can go to for Christmas and I don't think any of my friends would appreciate a last minute visitor. I am tempted not to bother putting any of his gifts under the Christmas tree and to go out instead for a long walk and pub lunch (if I can get in anywhere).

You shouldn't put up with this shitty behaviour. Call him out on it and leave after the new year, you don't deserve to be treated like this. There is more out there for you than accepting this!