Silent treatment for Christmas… again

I have experienced this and it's awful DF didn't speak to me for over a year because I disagreed with him over something I was 20 at the time and living at home. In the time that he wasn't speaking to me I got engaged, celebrated my 21st and thankfully left home. He spoke to me on my wedding day to ask me if I needed something and I nearly passed out with shock. That was the only thing he said that day though.

It's hugely abusive OP if you can find the courage to leave then please think about it, this man is a nasty individual and your life will never be any better if you stay. Do you really want this for yourself?

If I was you I would decide this was my last Christmas of putting up with stonewalling, which is a form of control and emotional abuse. He has shown who he is, believe him and walk away. You deserve better

In your shoes I would… Return his gifts.

Use the money to pay or part pay for a night or two in a hotel - maybe at the coast? You might well be able to find a last minute bargain traveling alone- and going to the beach at Christmas is such a lovely thing to do. Make sure you book somewhere that will be able to feed you, or where you’ll be able eat nearby.

Leave him a note, explaining what you’re doing and why, and when you’ll be back. Do not tell him where you’re going.

Pack a good book, lovely bubble bath or similar, pop by a supermarket on the way and get your favourite snacks. Also pack a notebook and a pen- you’re inevitably going to be doing some hard thinking, and getting it down on paper will help you process, and stop you stewing.

Then when you get back, before you walk into the house, take a second to process how you feel. Are you glad to be home and hopeful you can work this out? Are you dreading walking in? Do you feel anxious or flat? Do you want to run inside and tell him it’s his last chance?
or turn the car around and go back to the hotel? Do you hope he’ll be out so you don’t need to see him? And listen to your gut. It will be telling you everything you need to know.

How to take the wind out of the silent treatment sails… Let him sulk. Show no reaction, go out for a long walk, have a bubble bath and paint your toe nails. Keep the lights on flashing and beautiful because you like them and listen to some wonderful music. A song that I enjoy is: Oh Lord it’s hard to be humble when you are perfect in every way… 🤣 look up Mel Robbins ‘let them’ mindset on youtube .. it’s about you feeling good and not letting any person damage your equilibrium

AI generated response.

Stonewalling is a communication behavior where someone shuts down, withdraws, or emotionally disengages from a conversation or interaction. It's often characterized by:
- Refusing to communicate or express emotions

• Giving the silent treatment
• Avoiding eye contact
• Lack of responsiveness
• Tuning out
• Turning away
• Acting busy
• Engaging in obsessive behaviors

Stonewalling is a common response during conflicts, when people may try to avoid uncomfortable conversations or fear an emotional discussion will lead to a fight. It can be a defensive mechanism used by people who feel powerless or have low self-worth.
Stonewalling can:

• Leave conflict unresolved
• Make the other person feel disrespected
• Make the other person feel like their perspective isn't important or valued
• Lead to relationship dissatisfaction, separation, and divorce

Some ways to respond to stonewalling include:

• Using "I" statements in conversations
• Asking for a break
• Addressing stonewalling outside of the conflict
• Taking care of yourself
• Checking for triggers
• Seeking solo or couples therapy

I hope you find a way through it and more importantly look after yourself.

Please don't accept this as any way to live. My Dad was like this to my Mum right up until their eighties. Sometimes for days at a time.

If you even care any more then ask him what he thinks he's achieving by this, tell him it's not avoiding confrontation that it's childish at best and at worst, controlling.

If you can't have that conversation with him then please, please cut your losses and go.

Just make sure this is the last Christmas like this. Just leave.

I’m so sorry you’re being treated like this.

I think I’d write him a note for now, rather than having a conversation- something along the lines of how disappointing it is that he’s chosen to behave like this over nothing; that you’ll be spending Christmas in a hotel or with a friend unless he uses this morning to put things right and that if something like this happens again you’ll be making plans to leave unless he seeks help on dealing with his emotions better.

I did something similar with OH a couple of years ago. Spent two nights in a hotel. He’s behaved himself since. Previously, I’d end up crying and doing all the work to fix things, or pretending nothing at happened. He knows I won’t be doing that anymore,

Sadly, this would be playing into his hands. He wants her to (as he would see it) beg and plead for his attention.

God I remember this well. Every Christmas, every one of my birthdays, our child’s first birthday, the first Mother’s Day after our child was born.

Please let this be your last Christmas with this low life. Treat yourself to a one off appointment with a family solicitor in January (I think most solicitors close now until the new year) and start making plans to be free of this.

Stonewalling is a particularly cruel tactic employed by abusers.

Go out, have fun with others, let them know what he's doing. And plan to leave him in 2025.

Try and get out for the day/ ideally night as well. I bet you’ll be surprised by the difference in how you feel. It must be incredibly stressful living like this- can you make plans to leave permanently?

Even if l didn't have room for you, l would make room and would be really upset if you hadn't reached out to me.

Leave him. Sulkers do this whenever there's an occasion looming that isn't all about them. Life's too short.

No she doesn’t. Your post is though.

I want to echo that I would happily have a friend for Christmas. You still have time today to make an alternative plan and even grab a food contribution to take somewhere- ask a few friends if you're not sure ("does anyone have room at their table").

And leave him, leave him asap as this is awful.

Sorry to hear that, I jay want to add that silent treatment it's actually a form of psychological abuse. You can read on this here in more detail
psychcentral.com/health/the-silent-treatment
I recommend looking more into this. Try to get through Christmas

Exactly this - put more eloquently than I can write!

Please read this very carefully @StyleSiren this is exactly what silent treatment / stonewalling is designed to do. It is a deliberate abusive and controlling action.

If you were any friend/aqaintence/colleague of mine and you sent me a text saying that your husband was stonewalling you and you were upset and needed some time away……. I would make up the spare bed for you and tell you to come at once for Christmas and Boxing Day. Please please reach out to those closest to you. Pack a bag and walk out. Leave that miserable sulking fucker home alone for Christmas. Or see if you can find a travelodge with a room free. Leave him to wallow.

I few years ago I found out my friend had sat in her car on Boxing Day because of a blazing row with her (thankfully) now ex husband. Me and our other close friend were so upset she hadn’t come round to either of us for fear of imposing. I wouldn’t have cared at all. What’s one extra person at Christmas? Please don’t spend Christmas alone. And spend the new year thinking about how you can get away from this man.

This is not OK. First thing contact a friend who you trust and can go to on Christmas day. Then go up and tell him that his behaviour is abusive and unacceptable and that you won't be spending Christmas day with him because of it (over a film, I mean come on!!). Then afterwards you need to have a long hard think about staying with this moron. Life is too short to waste on someone who treats you like this. Good luck.

Start the new year better; leave the fucker. He’s an abusive arsehole.

I would be so upset if any of my friends suffered this and spent Christmas alone. Please tell someone, i would absolutely have you for Christmas if you were my friend.

Please tell a friend in real life. Get support to leave. He's an asshole and you deserve better.

Abusive behaviour IMHO, no one should live like this. Take time to make a plan to end this relationship.

I lived with a stonewaller for 6 years and there is no doing anything about it. The best thing I did was leave him. I'm sorry you are going through that. Try to do something that makes you happy at Xmas that doesn't involve him.