Silent treatment for Christmas… again

Don't spend a miserable Christmas being controlled like this. Get away from him. A few nights in any hotel would be preferable to putting up with this, imo.
💐

I'd go knocking on a friend's door and tell them what's happened, you might be surprised with their reaction. There's always a seat at mine if a friend needs one and I'm sure your friends are the same.

No one deserves to be treated that way.

Although it's seen as a form of abuse the reason for its use can vary. Also I know it's tempting to go for tit-for-tat but according to this article it's not at all helpful.

Why is the silent treatment used?
The silent treatment isn’t uniformly used in the same way and for the same reasons. Although it’s leveraged by many as a response to conflict or hurt, the motivations can vary depending upon the individual employing it and the situation.
Conflict avoidance: For those who tend to take a passive approach to potential conflict, the silent treatment can be used as a way to avoid dealing with any uncomfortable situation directly.
Punishment: A person with a more aggressive personality may use the silent treatment to punish someone by withholding communication.
Selective topic avoidance: Someone who’s feeling overwhelmed by feelings they can’t (or won’t) deal with may use the silent treatment to completely ignore and disregard a topic altogether.
The reasons and ways the silent treatment is used in each of these instances may be different, but the result is the same. Pain for the people involved and damage to the relationship between them.

How do you respond to the silent treatment?
...To help ease the tension and get communication started again, consider using the following in your approach:
Give some space
...
Use collaborative language
...
Understand why the silent treatment is being used
...
Have a conversation about the rules of engagement
...

Don't put up with this anymore OP.

Make your plans to leave ASAP.

You deserve better than a manipulative, controlling idiot who thinks it is ok to 'punish' you.

The silent treatment is abusive behaviour.

Been there and done that OP - make this the last year you have this Christmas, he’s always going to be like this and unless you enjoy his manipulative behaviour you need to get out.
so many Christmases were ruined for me in so many ways and it’s only now I’m out of it I see just how joyous and peaceful it can be.

Lots of people are saying just leave. I don’t agree. I think use this occasion to establish some boundaries. Things are still fixable- if you and he want them fixed.

Have you seen/spoken to him today yet?

Cook all the nice Christmas stuff today and take a gourmet picnic out tomorrow for lunch. Then order yourself a curry or something.

If he asks reply sweetly “Oh sorry, I would have told you but you’ve not spoken to me since I said I didn’t fancy watching bullet train so I didn’t get the chance.”

DEFINITELY don’t give him Christmas presents, return them quickly and put the money towards paying for advice if you need a divorce/ put it towards a rental deposit. Time to call it a day on this one, life’s too short.

I’m so sorry OP. This behaviour is abusive, you are being abused. You deserve better than this and you are worthy of love and care.

You need to make plans to leave this relationship, and then act on them. The sooner the better. I hope you can have a peaceful new year.

New Year new life x

As it's Christmas, I'd hive him one chance to interact normally/nicely by initiating a chat with him. If he ignored me, I'd be off!

Premier Inn, Air BnB, anywhere. I would not leave him a gift. I'd find a restaurant for Christmas lunch (ideally Indian or Mexican, yum). I'd go for a nice long walk if the weather is good and plan how to leave.

Relationships are meant to make you happy and add positive things to your life. Otherwise what's the point? I promise that they are not meant to be this hard.

This is a HIM problem and you don't have to put up with it. Set him free to sulk on his own and set yourself free to be happy.

So sorry to hear this OP. It’s shit. My dad used to do this if things weren’t to his satisfaction. And at Xmas it was horrible for me and my brother and incredibly damaging. Lots of advice on here. Make 2025 your year to make those changes.

Sorry to hear you are experiencing this. Yes, stonewalling is a form of abuse and no one has the right to silence someone else. This is his issue and not yours. As they say… you can’t change someone, you can only your response to them. Wishing you the strength to find the best life for you and hope next year finds you in a happier place.

Months!!! He will behave appallingly for months for something as small as you not liking a film he chose?
OP- you go out for that walk and pub lunch and no gifts for him either. Then I think you need to consider your long term future and if you are going to tolerate being treated in such a horrible way for the rest of your life

Go out and buy a dummy. Give him that for his Christmas present as he's acting like a child. Return his presents.

Ignore him - go for the long walk and perhaps visit a local church service. Pub lunches will probably be booked out so cook whatever you planned to serve but go into another room to eat it.

Clearly modelling good behaviour has not worked so enjoy your own company and ignore him. If he sees sulking has no impact on you maybe he'll stop or maybe you'll get the courage to walk out.

Sending someone to Coventry is a phrase used to mean giving the silent treatment.

No. They dont. You on the other hand

What would I do? Get out of the relationship. It’s emotional abuse. Being alone is preferable by far to being in a relationship where the other person rejects you and makes you feel bad about yourself. You deserve more.

For Christmas, gift yourself freedom. I don't know if the being alone in Coventry is literal or a turn of phrase that I don't know, but if literal, Coventry cathedral do a lovely service on Christmas day. I'd go for a walk, perhaps a service, have a nice lunch, plan my escape.

I think you should get shot of him… but in the short term, he is in child ego state and unable or unwilling to behave like an adult. You need to model what good behaviour looks like. Put his present under the tree, put the lights on, behave as you wish he would. Like a toddler you have to show him how to behave- not tell him or engage with tit for tat oneupmanship.

If you want that is. Or you could book a fly and flop and get to the airport today. Take some books and sun cream and just fuck off. The DREAM, we’d all be rooting for you! X

The OP doesn't sound 'shitty' but the poster who wrote that feels it and they're sour about everything this morning. That's my guess. Or a troll.

Please leave. You deserve to be happy and treated well. You have an army here behind you. This is your Christmas gift to yourself x

Sounds like my ex husband. I put up with it for nearlt 20 years and it made me miserable. It's hard to describe how awful the 'silent treatment' is. Thankfully I moved on, and have a lovely normal husband now. You can move on too. It will be hard but you can do it.

Wtf? Why does OP sound shitty?

If you were my friend, we’d happily budge up and make room. Let someone know what’s going on.

It's emotional abuse, I'd bet if you called a friend they would find room for you please reach out . Don't spend Christmas in misery and leave him as soon as you can .