Silent treatment for Christmas… again

Somone mentioned above how their sulker had a strange relationship with his mother.
Mine was a sulker and I thought his use of this manipulative behaviour arose from childhood, his own mother never listetened or took her children into account, I think it was his way of trying to obtain some power in his childhood.
The best thing was she never noticed, never realised he stopped talking or was sulking. He was so neglected and ignored the sulking never affected her, she was oblivious, she just though he was a good, quiet child.

I would not have allowed my own children to ever use this means of communication to resolve conflict, it would have been stamped out and issues would have been talked through instead of ignoring their feelings.

Mother's and fathers have alot to do with a male or female who grows up and uses sulking and stonewalling as a continuous form of control.

Thought of the day.
Sulking is a torturous means of control when adults use it.

A narcissist will only talk when they want to gaslight you into thinking this was your fault then try to appease you until you come round to their way of thinking and expect you to apologise.Their behaviour will change to being the nice loving person they want you to think they are once they have achieved this then you self doubt yourself and gladly give in just to have peace in the relationship. You then go round in circles until the next time they kick off all the while your self confidence is slowly taken away and your mental well being starts to suffer.If this is a regular pattern that he treats you with you should leave ASAP.He has no respect for you other than to control and coerce you into the way he wants you to be.The fact you have wrote into this forum speaks volumes and tells me you already know this is not normal behaviour so please listen to your instinct and get out now before it's too late.

Because his marriage is on the line and he’s not a child.

How exactly do you sit down and talk to someone who is giving you the silent treatment and behaving like an irrational child? In fact, if my child was purposely doing ,this I would not pay them any attention and get on with things. Because they want attention, that's why they do it, attention, control and punishment. Don't give them it!

How are things @StyleSiren ?

What is keeping you with this man? If no kids and this is more than once in a several year behaviour (and no mitigating circumstances such as he is going through some sort of crisis or life struggle) then perhaps take this period of silence to plan the end of the relationship.

The op only posted one post a bit difficult to guage what they are generally like together. This time of year is tough on a lot of families. It could be money worries and he is the main worker in the house. All op had to do was suck it up and watch it. I've watched football game with my partner and he has watched a couple of horrors with me even though they are devil films. Did she make him feel bad. Sometimes a bit of self reflection helps and he does need to grow out of the sulking and learn to use his words. I hope they do work it out and if they are not compatible then the best thing to do is part ways.

How is this not the exact same situation as the other thread where the OP is getting oodles of love and support?

Just curious?

I asked my partner what he would do if they behaved like the ops husband. He would smash up the telly. Hes never done that before how would he watch football 😂

This time of year is a challenge for relationships and families. What is meant to be a time for family it's spent watching the pennies and buying presents for the children and other loved ones. It's an expensive and stressful time of year. Maybe you and your family should eat out next year it changed everything for us less stress and more togetherness.

That particular poster might have thought it takes two tango. No one on here knows what the op is like. If the op didn't want to watch all she has to do is say something. In my relationship I like watching horror my partner hates horror. He likes watching football and I can't stand watching the game. We tell eachother that. Maybe he wanted his missus to watch a film with him and spend a bit of time together. Op fucked it up so he sulked not hard to work out.

Please leave. It only gets worse. Currently having the worst Christmas of my life because I stayed for examples like yours. It's a form of abuse, and it won't get better.

OP where are you?

Exactly

@LoveRicePudding
a nice long walk and a pub lunch should sort it out.

If only I'd known it was that simple!

Fantastic, well done you !

If you can, leave and check into a nice hotel for a night. Doesn't have to be far away. One with a spa open would be brilliant.

Go for a long walk, stop in a pub for a meal.

Book a chinese/indian restaurant, they tend to be open on Christmas Eve/Day. Take a book or invite someone you know doesn't have plans with anyone.

Just don't put up with his abuse. And it is abuse. And I hope you're making plans to leave when you're ready.

I'd rather be alone than lonely with someone.

I remember the embarrassment trying to cover up my ex husband's moods when we had a visitor. He'd be maintaining ignoring me and I'd be extra bright and breezy, because it's awful and I didn't want people to know how he was. Even then I didn't want family thinking badly of him. Crazy, looking back.
Get out OP, these men don't deserve us.

My sister's ex used to do the silent treatment on her. It is emotional abuse. I'd book a hotel room and think about leaving him for good.

Don’t let him spoil it! Yes it will be last minute but I wouldn’t see a friend left in this situation. Call your closest friends, explain the situation and ask to come tomorrow. They won’t let you down I’m sure and you can always offer to bring loads of food as I’m sure you have stuff in and could take it with you.

if you cannot, have a Google. Depending where you live there is a Christmas Day walk in the Peak District - anyone alone can just turn up at the meeting point. There will be others nationally and pubs will be open.

dont suffer.

his silent treatment is abuse. In January give yourself the gift of freedom and see a solicitor and divorce him

I'm sorry, and for what it's worth, if any of my friends said they needed somewhere to go on Christmas day (abusive husband or not), I'd gladly welcome them.

Please give yourself the gift of not being with him next Christmas!

What shocked me reading your post that it's happened before and you mentioned it goes on for weeks or months. This is very cruel and just because he's not hitting you it's still a form of domestic abuse. You really need to leave this man, you're already living a single life, anything will be better than this

Great idea of journaling by TiredEyestoday

‘“Also pack a notebook and a pen- you’re inevitably going to be doing some hard thinking, and getting it down on paper will help you process, and stop you stewing.”

find a quiet place to still and write it all down in a journal. Journaling is so good for later reflection and for calming.

This. I lived with an ex for four years and I started to see a pattern early on. Special occasions or anything important to me and I knew he would sabotage it. He would engineer situations in order to do this and if there was no way of doing this, he would lose his ability to govern his emotions entirely. He couldn't bear to see me happy. The only time he seems totally content was when I was working hard on projects in the house, doing chores or a load of overtime at my work due to staff shortages. It was truly pathetic but eventually he overstepped to such a massive degree, I left as soon as he went to work and never went back.

I would never have told him why I left. As I read on here once, I am not the asshole whisperer. It was not my job to try and get him to be a decent human being.

This was back 1986 - 1990 but recently, purely by accident, I met someone that knows him and he told me that has never been able to keep a partner and is currently alone.

It always seems to be men that do this... my DH was a little like this at the beginning and I just laughed and said 'if you have something to say - say it and stop sulking'. If he doesnt speak then I just carry on as normal. Its very silly and stupid with no real need.

It helped that I used to live on my own and its pathetic behaviour by a man child.