Exh left kids alone - handhold

I don't think I'd be that bothered tbh. I left mine for short periods from a similar age onwards. You've got to do it at some point.

I left my two sons at home with strict instructions not to open the front door and my brother turned up unexpectedly. We didn’t see him that often and they didn’t really recognise him so didn’t open the door. He had to ring my mum who rang the house and told them it was ok to let him in. He satin the wall outside!!

25 minutes seems to be a huge overestimation for nipping to the shop "near to his house" for loo roll.

Is this about him doing this or is it because anything he does that you deem wrong feeds into an existing narrative that you have about him?

I get that. When someone has been (say) a selfish shit and then they are tiny bit selfish again, its not a small thing, its magnified by the previous behaviour.

Why did you break up?

What did you think could or might happen.
I get catastrophizing I do it myself. I've also nipped to the shop at that stage of DC's, 10 minutes.
As long as he doesn't think it's ok to leave them while he nips to the gym or whatever for a couple of hours. Make a point not an issue.

I guess different strokes and all that! I had 3 kids very close together and wanted them to have a similar upbringing to me. Lots of freedom and space to make mistakes and learn.
They are all a bit ND (in 3 different ways to add to the fun) which strengthened my resolve to make them independent.

It would be ok if they had a phone to contact him on but seeing as they don’t I wouldn’t be happy. 10 year old fine but not a 6 year old.

@Moonlightstars my 7 year old can’t even dress herself yet, let alone walk to school!! My eldest used to get the (private) school bus to school at that age though. They sound very mature!

I left my 7 year old with my 21 year old for the first time today and the 21 year old called me and asked me to come home as soon as I arrived at the chemists because dd was inconsolable. Our chemists is 10 mins away.

Are they a bit immature?
Mine walked to school at 7 on their own. It was only a 10 mins walk with no major roads. But couldn't get upset by this.
They are now very independent teens who have loads of confidence.

Depends on the situation really. Do they know what to do in an emergency? Do they know any of the neighbours? Do they know how to get out of the flat / house if needed?

If all that is covered I don't see the issue unless you had an agreement to discuss everything beforehand. In most custody situations the parents make the calls for their own homes?

Anecdotally I left my kids alone now and again at 10/6 for a quick run to the local shops etc but they know all our neighbours, we have a home phone and my daughter is super responsible etc.

I just saw that he doesn't have a landlines..
That's a big issue to me that you should take him up on. I only leave my son at home for short periods arned with a phone and a list of numbers to ring if he needs anything or is worried in any way.
That does seem todoculous leaving them at home with no way to contact anyone.
What if he gets hit by a car and doesn't make it home? What would they do then when they've got no phone or list of people to call for help and advice?
I'd be having words with him about getting a landline installed if he intends to leave them even for a short period.. or even a spare mobile that can at least make emergency services calls.
I hope they are able to get out of the house, like they have a set of keys or the door is just a yale lock?? If he's leaving them unattended and there's a fire they need to be able to get out of the house

I have left my 9yo alone.. I am considering leaving my nearly 7yo with him but I haven't done so yet. But my 9yo is very mature and responsible however my 6yo is not. My worry is about leaving her with him and that shouldn't be his responsibility if she panics. I don't worry about him at all. He's 9 going on 40. You could ask him about any emergency scenario that might occur and he would give you a good answer of how he would deal with it.. where he would get help, who to call and how etc

Personally I think kids being left alone at home for a short time during the day does tend to start being OK from around this age.
There's no legal age just that you need to be sure your kids can cope. You could be accused of neglect if they are any age under 18 and they do not cope or something happens to them.

So it really just comes down to how you feel as a parent.
And unfortunately they have two homes and their parents don't agree on whether or not it's OK.
But the thing is as their parent he does have the legal right to make that choice when he is caring for them.
Unless you can prove that they came to harm or were at specific risk somehow whilst he did this.. there's nothing you can actually do about it.
Apart from trying to talk him into seeing it from your perspective.

Ours are 10&8 we've left them for similar amounts of time, handhold is over the top. Save the battles for things that really matter, he won't do everything how you would - that's just life.

I'd never of left a 9 and 6 year old alone and I'm surprised so many people are saying they would.

Nah it’s fine

9 and 6 are too young IMO but not so young I'd go running to social services. Infuriating, yes. Sorry you're struggling OP

There’s no way I’d leave a 6 year old to be looked after by a 10 year old. I’m with you OP, completely bonkers.

I couldn’t get worked up about this op.

Handhold is a bit extreme.

I don't always like being in charge of my six year old, I wouldn't expect it from a ten year old. 10 year old solo while you pop to the shop probably ok in most cases, but not to be in charge of the younger sibling

I think it depends on the children. I can't yet leave my ASD 14 year old.

Yeah, I’ve done the same. My 6 year old was always pretty good for her brother and sister who would have been 9 and 10 at the time. Would have been the same amount of time.

I don’t think it’s right leaving the 6yr old as it’s essentially leaving a 6yr old in the care and responsibility of a 9yr old whilst he’s out, which I personally think is too young in case something happens. I wouldn’t like this.

It depends if he has given them fire safety information and what to do if someone comes to the door etc, If they have access to a phone for an emergency. If he's a twat and unlikely to have done this, then personally I think it's too young.
Sounds like he's in a village and not in a busy town which is maybe a plus though.
it is worrying, I get it.

Hmm, I think 9 and 6 are too young for being left alone.

A nearly 7 year old is actually a 6 year old. I wouldn't have left a 10 and a 6 year old alone when mine were that age. I think that's quite a big difference from a 10 and 8 yr old...

That said, i don't think it's worth losing your rag over. As the previous poster said, he won't change.