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AIBU?

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Original poster

Exh left kids alone - handhold

158 replies

userfriendly55 · 23/12/2024 22:51

NC for this.

my 2 children have just got home from a weekend with their dad. My eldest who is nearly 10 told me that their dad left them in his house to go to the Tesco express in his village. It is very close to his house but by the time he would have got there, done the shopping and got back I estimate he’d have left them for a good 25 minutes. our youngest is nearly 7.

He has done this before a couple of years ago. I went mad and exh promised not to do it again. Yet here we are. I know they are older now so I’m not quite as angry but I’m still a bit angry and upset. Our youngest is very accident prone. The irony is is that my exh is supposedly very risk averse and hasn’t been taking them out of the house much because of the storms, but thinks it is ok to leave a not yet 7 year old home alone!!

I have started to leave our nearly 10 year old for short periods to build up independence but I have NEVER left the younger one too.

AIBU to be angry still? I just don’t know what to do or say. If I message ex we will end up just arguing and I’m not convinced it will achieve anything.

OP posts:
DowntonCrabbie · 24/12/2024 09:02

userfriendly55 · 24/12/2024 08:55

it looks like the consensus is that I am BU. thanks, all, lots to think about.

You're not. They are nine and six,. without a landline and accident prone.
Hardly anyone would think it's ok, no idea what's happening on this thread tbh.

ttcat37 · 24/12/2024 08:57

Ablondiebutagoody · 24/12/2024 08:33

It's fine. I do it with my DS10 all the time. Its important to build independence like this. He goes to school and the park etc. on his own, so why not stay at home on his own for a couple of ours? No phone either but we have discussed what he is and isn't allowed to do and what he should do in certain emergency situations.

Presumably you have a landline though rather than leaving your young child alone without a way of contacting the emergency services if needed?

Original poster
userfriendly55 · 24/12/2024 08:55

it looks like the consensus is that I am BU. thanks, all, lots to think about.

OP posts:
ttcat37 · 24/12/2024 08:55

9 and 6 is crazy. He would be prosecuted for neglect if anything happened.

TheOccupier · 24/12/2024 08:45

ThisisnotwhatIhadplanned · 24/12/2024 00:03

@Moonlightstars my 7 year old can’t even dress herself yet, let alone walk to school!! My eldest used to get the (private) school bus to school at that age though. They sound very mature!

I left my 7 year old with my 21 year old for the first time today and the 21 year old called me and asked me to come home as soon as I arrived at the chemists because dd was inconsolable. Our chemists is 10 mins away.

This is not normal. Is your 7yo NT?

biscuitsandbooks · 24/12/2024 08:36

I really can't see the issue.

Ablondiebutagoody · 24/12/2024 08:33

It's fine. I do it with my DS10 all the time. Its important to build independence like this. He goes to school and the park etc. on his own, so why not stay at home on his own for a couple of ours? No phone either but we have discussed what he is and isn't allowed to do and what he should do in certain emergency situations.

DowntonCrabbie · 24/12/2024 08:30

Petrasings · 24/12/2024 06:11

Op should have posted their real ages rather than putting ‘nearly’

She did post their real ages.

Thistimearound · 24/12/2024 08:15

There are children of roughly the same age (oldest is y6 and younger is maybe year 2) that I see getting the bus and crossing busy roads to school together.

I suppose the difference in that case is that the parents have likely agreed together? So I can see why you are annoyed as your views aren’t taken into consideration… but it’s really not the crime of the century.

YoYoYoYo12345 · 24/12/2024 07:57

Petrasings · 24/12/2024 06:14

I don’t know anyone that would consider leaving a six year old! I would call the police or SS if I found out such a young child was alone. Much too young.

What do you plan to do op? It’s a safeguarding issue. Take some advice and consider supervised contact. He can’t be trusted. Please tell me he doesn’t take them on holiday?

The threshold for SS isn't leaving 2 children for a few minutes whilst dad pops to nearby village shop. They'd be tied up all over the country whilst genuine neglect needs to be addressed and sadly work overload means visiting child protection young people is rushed.

notbythehaironmychinnychin · 24/12/2024 07:26

TheaBrandt · 24/12/2024 07:04

Handhold? He popped to the shop not Ayia Napa. Are you always this dramatic?!

Exactly. Do you and your ex have a high conflict relationship? Don't let this be the hill you die on

TheaBrandt · 24/12/2024 07:04

Handhold? He popped to the shop not Ayia Napa. Are you always this dramatic?!

YoYoYoYo12345 · 24/12/2024 07:01

Petrasings · 24/12/2024 06:14

I don’t know anyone that would consider leaving a six year old! I would call the police or SS if I found out such a young child was alone. Much too young.

What do you plan to do op? It’s a safeguarding issue. Take some advice and consider supervised contact. He can’t be trusted. Please tell me he doesn’t take them on holiday?

In their own home, for a visit to village shop.nearby

YoYoYoYo12345 · 24/12/2024 06:59

In a village.
Shop close by.
10 and 7.

You don't need a 'handhold' since nothings happened. People ask for a handhold when something awful has occurred eg death, serious illness not something so ridiculous. 😂

Teamlux · 24/12/2024 06:52

I would have left the 10 year old but not the 6 year old! I would see if you can come to an agreement about what age is suitable.

LennyRaven · 24/12/2024 06:41

It is shocking to leave such young children alone. Ever heard of temptation?! Why can't he/other posters take their children with them to the shop? Are the kids not capable of behaving themselves for half an hour out shopping? I don't care how much they would protest etc, it is irresponsible. By all means teach them self care and safety but for heavens sake you are the parents, parent them!

NoBodyIdRatherBe · 24/12/2024 06:41

There are many factors that would go into a decision like this. How responsible the children are, where you live, who’s close by etc. I think 6 and 10 is definitely on the young side but not so ridiculous that I’d be getting social services involved. Maybe reach out and have a conversation with your ex about how to handle these things now they are getting older.

Justleaveitblankthen · 24/12/2024 06:40

If a child is nearly 7, they have been alive for nearly 8 years..
It depends how sensible they are.

TickingAlongNicely · 24/12/2024 06:17

A 9/10 yo is ok to be left... but not old enough to be "responsible" for a younger child. If something had happened, it would have been seen as neglect. You wouldn't leave a 6yo alone! The fact they told the mother shows they were uncomfortable

I would get your older child a phone, even just a dumb phone, so they can always contact you.

Willyoujustbequiet · 24/12/2024 06:14

MumChp · 23/12/2024 22:55

Quite normal tbh.

It absolutely isn't.

Petrasings · 24/12/2024 06:14

I don’t know anyone that would consider leaving a six year old! I would call the police or SS if I found out such a young child was alone. Much too young.

What do you plan to do op? It’s a safeguarding issue. Take some advice and consider supervised contact. He can’t be trusted. Please tell me he doesn’t take them on holiday?

Petrasings · 24/12/2024 06:11

Op should have posted their real ages rather than putting ‘nearly’

ReluctantOverstepper · 24/12/2024 06:11

Sounds like a normal parenting decision to me.

Petrasings · 24/12/2024 06:10

They are in fact 9 and 6 and much too young to be left,

Neurodiversitydoctor · 24/12/2024 05:58

userfriendly55 · 23/12/2024 23:34

yes this is how I feel

maybe I am overreacting which makes me feel a bit better actually

but my ex doesn’t have a landline and the children don’t have a phone so they couldn’t contact him

Show quote history

But shop was within walking distance......so 10 yr old could have gone for help in an emergency.