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AIBU?

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Shouldn’t this be down to him Not Me

90 replies

purplepentagram · 23/12/2024 18:29

Been with the hubby good 20yr plus now. 4 kids all now over 18.
over the years I’d built up a decent relationship with the MIL.
then this time last year it all went to shit.
my eldest daughter called round to see her, MIL was rather poorly so I phoned an ambulance and off she went to the hospital.
we get a call the following morning saying to get there quick for she was on her last stages, palliative care involved and wasn’t looking good. Was informed she had heart, kidney failure and part of her intestines has died off. Anyway somehow over the next few days she pulls off a miraculous recovery and cons her way out and to go home. So because of this I spent hours on the phone sorting out daily carers, home visits and everything she needed. All to have it thrown in my face. When people turned up … she locked the door and told everyone to F off, then I got accused of trying to kill her off and all other matter of things. In the mean time my husband just ignores it all - for years Iv been the one left to deal with anything to do with MIL. Over the years she has canceled that many appointments and ignored multiple health concerns- now this last year took its toll on me due to numerous things.
1 I’d literally just lost my own mother the previous oct. 2 due to my age and other factors it has sent my autism / adhd into over drive. So I’d not been coping at all. Now 2 week ago the mil yet again canceled another docs appointment, to where I’d told her she needed to go. But no!. then yesterday my son went round to check on her and we have a serious case of de ja vu going on. I go round and she clearly needs an ambulance but we get told where to go.
iv managed to get the docs to do a home visit tomorrow but I know she needs it now. Yet if I do she will never speak to me again. My hubby is coming across as he don’t care, not interested cause I need to sort it. Why should it be down to me.

OP posts:
GreekDogRescue · 23/12/2024 18:53

Why on earth are you bothering.
do you have some kind of saviour complex?

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 23/12/2024 18:46

If there has been a sudden change in personality and decline in cognitive function is there something else going on? Either dementia or ill health delirium. My DH’s gran was totally dolally with a kidney infection, a totally different person.

I think you need to push for the home visit and a cognitive assessment. If she doesn’t speak to you again then so be it, but then you will know you have don all you can to get her the help she needs, especially as it seems you are the only one in her corner at the moment.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 23/12/2024 18:46

@purplepentagram your hubby cant be arsed with his mother so why should you???? leave her to it!! just ignore and carry on with your christmas"

TheCheeryLeader · 23/12/2024 18:42

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TheCheeryLeader · 23/12/2024 18:41

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ShouldIEvenBother · 23/12/2024 18:40

You've done more than enough.

Things have become abusive - towards you, OP.

Make it clear to everyone that as the relationship has deteriorated with MIL to such a low now, you feel it is in everyone's best interests, including hers, that you step back.

And stick to that. Just STOP.

💐

purplepentagram · 23/12/2024 18:40

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The MIL did.

OP posts:
purplepentagram · 23/12/2024 18:40

This is only today because she needs to be seen and they need to phone the ambulance.

OP posts:
TheCheeryLeader · 23/12/2024 18:39

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TheCheeryLeader · 23/12/2024 18:38

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ZekeZeke · 23/12/2024 18:37

You sound like a lovely daughter in law who has reached breaking point.
Unfortunately, it will take a crisis and your nit doing anything for things to change.
You need to step back.

purplepentagram · 23/12/2024 18:37

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Iv not once made an appointment for her. She makes them. I just take her since she isn’t mobile and I’m the only one that drives.
she will book an appointment. Phone me to ask to take her to said appointment. Then literally an hour or so before I’m due to pick her up. She phones to say she’s not going for what ever reason.

also I never said I didn’t like her. Over the years I’d had a better relationship with her more than I did my own mother. Yet since last year she now barely talks to me all for doing the right thing.

OP posts:
ChristmasGrinch24 · 23/12/2024 18:33

Leave her to it.

I've just spent the past two months sorting everything for my MIL who has stage 4 cancer, including getting her into a hospice while trying to sort a care home bed for her.
My SIL threw it all back in my face.... now I will do nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing. For that family bar my DP.

TheCheeryLeader · 23/12/2024 18:32

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TheCheeryLeader · 23/12/2024 18:32

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