Please, I need to get this off my chest.

Don’t DONT stop paying rent .

Speak to your housing officer. If the house is in your own name you will be able to get him to Move out. If not then your Landlord will give you advice, as you are ending your relationship because of domestic abuse ( abuse isn’t just violence , coercion is also abuse ).

Yep, paraphilia are the worst and unlike mental health problems in women, men always make it our problem. Can you imagine having recurring fantasies and trying to drag someone else into them, worse get someone else to perform them, that clearly has no interest?? Yuck, get rid.

He's a pervert with a fetish. Dump him and run.

He sounds like a total turd. You're doing the right thing. I hope you find the courage to follow it through.

I would be spurred on to leave him by the very real possibility of him taking things into his own hands and drugging you and inviting men round. Or even worse, you not being drugged and him inviting men around to help themselves to your body.

Ring Women’s Aid and get some support, you will need it.
This is sexual and emotional abusive and coercion.
You have been with this man since you were 16, and I don’t want or need to know, but I can’t imagine you had many partners before him if any at all.
He will know that, and something that’s crossed his mind has now grown into a very dangerous obsession. He is mentally unstable and while he might be fine around your children I think he’s a very, very worrying individual.
He will know you’ve not slept with another man. I mean how in earth would you arrange to meet a complete stranger in an hour? But now he has a stick to beat you with.
I did hear a discussion about the French case with Gisele P before and sadly some men who do truly awful
things start somewhere. This man has been badgering you for 8 years. You were just 21. It’s absolutely repulsive.
You sound like a really bright and intelligent young woman. Do not listen to any pleas, he will I am sure try anything to stay, because it suits him.
Keep posting on here there are lots of experienced posters to offer advice.

OP, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It's utterly grim. It is abuse. The council will have officers trained in domestic situations so I urge you to contact them. An occupation order might be necessary if he won't go. Also contact Women's Aid. This relationship is over. It doesn't mean he can't parent your kids but my goodness you deserve some peace

True, that is an extreme case but as I said in my previous post, he isn't going to suddenly come to his senses. This obsession will (and by your own admission has) got worse. Something's going to give OP - you need to think this through very carefully. This is making you desperately unhappy and possibly unsafe. Your husband wants to basically pimp you out. Is any of that OK on any level for your kids? I lived with an alcoholic DH for years. Despite years of humiliation and control, I still thought that things would get better. Every morning when I woke up I thought today's the day. I just couldn't see how fucking awful the environment I was living in really was - until I finally did. You've asked for advice, now listen.

Check with your council

I've said I want him to leave after Christmas.

If its only your name on the tenancy then definitely tell him to leave, don't wait until after Christmas.

If its both you need to ask him again to leave and if he won't you get your name removed, stop paying the rent immediately and sort out another place to live.

This person is in need of some serious therapy.

If it was your tenancy and he moved in then its yours alone unless you actively requested he be added to it. You can usually tell by the letters you get from the council about the annual rent amounts . If its in both your names then he is on the tenancy - if your name alone then definitely just your own tenancy and you can change the locks and throw him out.

This doesn’t sound healthy at all. I think you need to move on. Best wishes

If you have been together for 13 years he has done a job on you, he has conditioned you to very nearly agreeing to this bizarre idea of his.
That French guy with the drug fuelled rapes started small.
Wait until the next event that is serious then call the police and SS.

He doesn't see you as a human being OP, let alone his wife and mother of his children. You don't really "care" for somebody that views you only as a channel for his sick male fantasies. You think you love him but you are actually co-dependent. This situation is only going to get much worse, trust me, and eventually the children will hear or sense something that will damage them. If you don't care about yourself then at least think of them. Check your tenancy as a priority and get rid of this toxic man child.

It's not right and please don't do it! Get him out. He may throw a fit about it, but if you pay the rent and he's not on the lease, he's shit out of luck. Change the locks when he's out and leave his things outside the front door.

He has a fetish. Men with a fetish are grim. Feed a fetish and it grows, he will never be satisfied
Don't let him put any blame on you. Start divorce proceedings and get him out

Of course he is sexually abusive. You told him no over and over, yet he continually coerced you to do it, to the point that you had to pretend just to get him to shut up about it.
This will not get better, so make your plans to get away from him ASAP.
Be sure to let him know that you never did have sex with another guy, that you just said you did in the hope he would back the fuck off. Otherwise he will tell people you cheated on him, if he hasn't already.
This has all been a power and control thing on his part. He just wanted to be able to force you to do it. When he finds out it didn't actually work, he'll probably be enraged. So tell him after you are safely away. Men like this can be dangerous.

Check your agreement, call your housing office if you aren't sure or don't have access to it.

You need to check your tenancy agreement. Give him a deadline to move out and help him pack. If he refuses to leave then call the police. You could also contact your housing officer for advice.

You need to get rid off him OP, he has no respect for you, you're just a bit part in his porn addled fantasies.

Well let him cause a scene. It can't go on forever, once it's over it's over and you're free.