Please, I need to get this off my chest.

No, his weird abusive, controlling, manipulative behaviour has ruined your family. Speak to the council re who is on the tenancy, the steps you need to take now and ask for the team that deals with domestic abuse if they have one.
Also speak to Women's Aid, you will need support to stay away once you get away

Yes, this is good advice. I personally would be very open with the adults around you as to why you’re ending the relationship. That way he can’t come back at you.

Is your partner any part to do with your family estrangement? Could this be a good time to reach out to them?

The actual request is a bit of a red herring. I mean, it’s grim and definitely not ‘normal’ but I don’t think that’s the real issue.

The issue is, he’s consistently trying to coerce you into something you don’t want to do. It’s his lack of care and respect for your wishes. He’s putting his needs above yours and would be fine with you feeling deeply uncomfortable, so long as he gets his kink. He’s showing that he doesn’t love you, not properly. If he did, he’d feel mortified. He’d be seeking therapy. He’d be keeping this from you to save your feelings.

Im glad you’ve realised the situation whilst you’re still young. You and the kids can start again and find a healthy family set up where you’re all respected.

I personally would keep a very close eye on your kids around him though. He’s sexually deviant and happy to push your boundaries, that would make me wary in other situations too. He doesn’t respect people’s sexual or physical boundaries and I would be very clear to your children about what’s right and wrong, that adults can do wrong things, and to let you know if they ever find an adult doing something wrong. Obviously there’s a good chance this will stay in his adult relationships but I’d just keep a close eye, in case his deviancy shifts and develops.

...and surely he didn't believe it? I mean, where would you go FGS

Well done OP for seeing the light.

One point, I think you should tell the truth about not sleeping with someone else. Two reasons - 1, he will twist the narrative to say you cheated and use it against you in terms of access to children. He will also tell family and mutual friends, I know you say you don't care now but you might in a few months or years. 2, telling the truth will help with your situation in terms of getting help and having someone see your side of it. He took his fetish so far that you ended up lying to make him stop pestering you, this highlights now bad things got and might he useful if things turn nasty down the line.

Best of luck OP xx

Dump his sorry arse! What a fucking melt! At 29 you can meet someone normal out there instead of this vile man child

This has been going on for 8 years!!!
Literally your entire 20s!!

This isn’t getting better.
You know that it’s getting worse and it will only continue to get worse.

Do not go into your 30s with this man.

When is your birthday?
Make plans now as it can take time.

It may be that you ask him to move out ‘temporarily’ to give you some space to think or just separate and continue living together and hopes he moves out.

How old is he?
Are both of your names on the tenancy?

You have repeatedly said No but then you told him you were going to but sat in the car for an hour . Why haven't you told him you didn't have sex with anyone else but just sat in the car ?

Can I ask why you quoted the op? Every time I see someone do this I really want to know why??

Try calling council tomorrow to check your agreement and seek advice. Call womens aid. Leave this turd and start the new year without a vile twat holding you back. Don’t fuck up your life or your kids life because of him - stay strong.

You can't say that though unless you think other women must have known.

Don’t be so defensive of yourself here. The point of the comparison is to WAKE YOU UP to the very real danger men like this pose to women. The children are not the only important people in this story. You matter too! He has fucked you over for 13 years. Kick him out.

When is his go?!?!

You are a human being not a sex toy or doll.

He's disgusting.

He has a fetish and not only is he trying to coerce you into doing it, then he turns around and shames you for it. Even if you were open to actually doing it, he has shown he has no respect for you and your sexual life.

If you can manage to, leave. If he says you cheated you can simply tell people the truth: he has a cuck fetish.

If you don’t feel like you can leave him, sit down with him for a serious conversation and get him to consider counselling. The fetish isn’t magically going to disappear.

It’s abuse OP, he means to control you.
I went through the same thing at a similar age with my ex.
Just leave him and seek to learn about the Shark Cage theory, setting boundaries etc.

Trying to coerce your partner into having sex with strangers is fucking abuse.

He’s literally a sex pest. His behaviour and persistence is abhorrent, as you have made it very, very clear you are not interested.
I’d second speaking with women’s aid and getting your concerns documented somewhere.
You’ve done absolutely the right thing in asking him to leave and don’t fall for the sob story. He’s pathetic and your life will be so much better without him. There’s also an option to try for an occupational order to remove him from the property or a non- molestation order if you feel this is domestic abuse. There are other organisations, but I recommend the National Centre for Domestic Violence as I’ve had contact with them in the past - you can just call them and sound out your situation.

Well I'd say the first thing you need to do is find out whether it is just you on the tenancy. Do you have an account you can check? Otherwise check with the council - they will be open at least in the morning.

Then you need to take advice about how to get him out. I would say that you are in an abusive relationship, so Women's Aid or one of your local charities can advise you on how to get him out.

It sounds like he's part of the cuckold community online. It seems to be the latest fetish. These men find each other online and stir themselves up to be more and more extreme.
He isn't viewing you as a whole person worthy of respect. Just as a thing to be used.
Don't waste your time thinking of his wants and needs. This is where men use women's empathy against us, and they do it deliberately because they're selfish and manipulative.
Use your inner strength and do 100% what a right for you.

You said you’ve been together 13 years and you’re 29.

You were 16 when you got together. Is he the same age as you or a lot older than you?

It absolutely is abuse when he tries to coerce her into doing it after she has repeatedly said no.

I didn't mean stop paying rent if OP is the ONLY name on the tenancy, that never ends well.

But there's no way I'd let him live rent free while treating me like shite, but if OP ends up moving out and they are named on the tenancy and he stays she needs to get her name removed ASAP as if he stops paying the rent she will still be liable.

I had that thought too.

Let him cause a scene and get a restraining order out .

Op contact women’s aid Tomorow. .
I hope you find the strength to end it . ❤️

He sounds horrible. .I feel for you

I can’t believe he asked when it’s his “go”
like you are a peace of meat he has serious issues.
Don’t let them or him be yours anymore

It’s not abuse. It’s just a fantasy. You’re not interested in playing along and should have left years ago. Sexual incompatibility is extremely difficult to overcome and over the past eight years neither of you has wanted to.