Please, I need to get this off my chest.

If it was a cuckold fetish he wouldn’t be shaming her for having sex with another man (supposedly).

It’s just a stick to beat her with. He knows she won’t sleep with another man.

My friend could have written this, it is so similar. Even down to pretending to go on a date she didn't really attend and having to go back the next day with an elaborate lie. Over the course of the week he got jealous, nasty, insecure but also kept asking for dirty details to get off on. When she finally admitted she didn't go through with it he got angry and called her a liar! So there is no winning! It is absolute abuse.

What I have noticed is this behaviour often stems from the men being ashamed about their own sexuality (bi or gay in denial) so they use their women as tools to fulfil their fantasies of sex with other men. It escalates to the point they start asking for threesomes with other men or cuckolding experiences where they watch you have sex with another man. Again, I'm convinced it is because they wish they were the one having the sex.

I will tell you what I told my friend: He is pimping you out! Not for money but for his own sexual gratification. He has no regard for your safety by happily sending you off to some maniacal rapists for all anyone knows and you don't want to do it! He's a fucking psycho and an abusive piece of shit!

Honestly, reading this has pissed me off all over again.

Rubbish. Clearly, none of this is calculated or thought out in that way. This is just a classic cuckhold fetish. Some men get extremely aroused when thinking about their partner having sex with other men.

OP, it seems like you’ve made your mind up about him leaving.

Check the tenancy agreement and I’d also advise contacting Women’s Aid for real practical advice. This sounds like a deeply abusive relationship, I’m sorry that is the case. I think once he no longer lives with you and you have time to reflect you may find other aspects of the relationship to have been abusive but normalised due to you both being young when you got together.

Take care as the end of relationships can be a dangerous time.

He's a deeply sick man - be persistent with him going - he's used to manipulating you - abusive - yes contact women's aid - check if he's on the tenancy but the relationship needs to be over. I hope you have some friends you can rely on and if he gets threatening to you CALL the police - the usual tactics is threatening suicide. What is wrong with lots of men?
Stay strong

Tell him his family is broken not because of you, because of him. Good dads don’t do things like make mums have sex with other men.

The thought of it all being a little roleplay for him makes me feel sick. He sounds like a proper pervert, even though I'm sure he comes across as perfectly normal on the surface

Semi related, as a young 13/14 year old on the bus in the summer, me and my friend were wearing normal shorts and legs up on the seat. We noticed the man near us was taking photos of our legs. We didn't know what to do and it was all very scary especially at that age, but my point is that he looked like such an average, normal man, but was actually a disgusting pervert. Suit, tie, briefcase, no stand out features, wouldn't have earmarked as creepy at all.

When men look and act "normal" so to speak it's more difficult to believe that they would ever be so devious or dark minded. I can totally see how OP ends up at this point, it starts as little things and spaced apart until one day he's pestering her constantly and can't have sex without bringing It up.

When you say he is asking "when is his turn", I presume that means you have not had sex with him since the situation of pretending to have had sex with someone else? In which case, good. Keep that up and get rid of him asap.

if you've been with him since you were 16, time to leave, spend some time on your own and then a better relationship with someone that treats you with respect.
Is your partner the same age as you?- it doesn't sound as if he has moved on from being 16/

I suspect it’s just to have something to hold her over. She can never complain about anything he does because his response will always be ‘well you slept with another man’.

Even though he knows she didn’t.

So it shows that he wants you to sleep with someone just so that he has a stick to beat you with for life.

No one will judge you here, you have made the right decision to leave.

Does he really think you went out for an hour and slept with someone? Who does he think you did it with? Are you sure he’s not just using it against you or still playing his horrible game by going along with it because it’s his fantasy?

All of this

Sorry I'm not sure if someone has said this before this comment, but if he hasn't been immediately like "fuck, I'm so so sorry, I didn't realise how much I was going on about it and I'll never mention it again as I can see it's causing you distress and I love you so much and don't want to harm you" then he's a wrongen. Even then, I don't think it would be enough in these circumstances for you to give him another chance.

Instead he's blaming you?! And trying to manipulate you. Big no no. His behaviour on a whole is giving very abusive, controlling, so on. I do feel you are a victim of some kind of sexual abuse at this point too. It popped into my head he could've even gone on and on about it to convince you to do it so he has something against you.

Also, no shame at all if you actually did do it because of his pressure. But whether you did or didn't, I'll take your word that you didn't, it doesn't matter because he's hyper focused on it and you deserve better. Don't worry about him causing a scene, let him. If he's not on the tenancy give him a date to leave. Xxx

PLEASE just leave him. This is abuse.

You were very young when you got together with him. It really sounds as though he has tried to coerce and manipulate you. I don’t know what your earlier relationship history is, but suspect it was pretty limited, and due to your age would probably have been fairly innocuous . I think you have been slowly manipulated into thinking that his weird controlling behaviour is normal.

It isn’t.

Do this. Record the next conversation that he has with you about this. All the gory details. Dump him, then send it to all his friends and family telling them what he's done to you. That will shame him forever. Disgusting pervert.

I thought this straight away. The French pervert’s wife was used to satisfy his sexual fantasies. Obviously this situation isn’t the same but the objectification of the OP is.

OP, I firmly believe that your relationship is over. You need to say goodbye. How can you possibly be at peace with someone who behaves like this?
You need support to separate
Sending you strength

I agree.

I would like to know how old he was when they met.

This obsession has been going on for almost all of her 20s which is so sad.

Its either a fetish or it’s a an abuse/control tactic.

I’m worried that as she got with him so young that she’s very vulnerable and doesn’t know how to be on her own/ he’s made her believe she can’t cope on her own.

This is sexual abuse.

Having a fantasy and asking a partner to do something to indulge that fantasy is fine. But when one asks the other person has a right to say 'no' and for that to be respected. He isn't respecting this - and that's abuse.

Add in the fact that he went mad when he thought you had slept with someone else it makes it even more abusive and sinister. It potentially falls within coercive control.

If you want to leave this relationship - and you sound like you do - then seek support through a women's centre in your area. You can also contact Citizen's Advice, your GP/NHS services, your local authority or the housing association for your area. If you have the money, consider speaking to a solicitor too.

You deserve better than to be manipulated and controlled by someone who is meant to care for you. You're more than strong enough to end this relationship.

Editing to add: if he won't leave, and it's your name on the deeds, or if he simply won't stay away from you/your kids you can (and should) apply for a non-molestation order https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/apply-for-a-non-molestation-or-occupation-order-fl401

It's easiest to do via a family law solicitor but you can do it yourself online.

OP, you were still a child when this creepy man came into your life. He’s let his obsession with sleazy fantasies take over your relationship, and now inevitably he wants it to take over your life. You and your children deserve better. I hope you can get him out of your house, and preferably avoid letting him have the children unsupervised — children should not be exposed to an obsessive sex fetishist.

I would check your tenancy agreement, don’t ask him if he is on it neither. If you are both on as joint tenants you will have to chuck him out as getting another one will be nigh on impossible. Get your locks changed immediately after he leaves.
You will feel so relieved once he has gone @Vanillaskieshazeleyes no more having to endure his constant badgering. I bet the atmosphere in the home will be better too.
Don’t feel bad when he is trying to talk you round or putting on the guilt about splitting his family up. No means no, not years and years of hassle, your obviously not suited for each other and your Dc will get used to not living with dad. X