Please, I need to get this off my chest.

Feel so sad for you as these men are next level cruel and have absolutely no empathy.

i wish I could show you how this plays out if you don’t get out early. My ex ground my self confidence into the dust and treated my children like toys. He wants to see them on their birthday and at Christmas to play at being a dad with no interest in their wellbeing whatsoever.

Please believe that you’re all better off without him and involve every support service you can get to force this self obsessed prick out of your lives. 💐

Girl you deserve someone who wants to have sex with you for you and not as a vessel to fulfill a fetish. He can pay someone for that.

He deliberately goes on and on to wear you down, he doesn’t care how you feel it’s all about him and always will be. This is Christmas, it’s about the kids but as usual he’s making it all about him.

Op, he knows if you leave it's back to being just him and his obsession, don't let him get to you. You don't want to be with him anymore so just go

If you go back on your word then the crying and begging is going to get worse because he knows that’s how to get under your skin.

Tell him that his behaviour is making you not want to be with him even more.

Just be a bit careful because men will try the ‘poor me’ act and when that doesn’t work then they start getting angry.

Please leave him. Personal experience of this, and it never goes away. Keep yourself safe and don't let yourself be ground down.
I imagine that in saying you'd do it/had done it, you expected it would scratch his itch, and that they might be the end of it, but trust me, you won't "win" this. You're not supposed to win, and it won't end.
Take care of yourself.

Just get through tomorrow with your children don’t let him ruin that.
But don’t give in, the damage has been done.

How soon after Christmas ( which is tomorrow ) can he leave.
then you can start counting down the hours !

@GremlinsStairlift By twisting the narrative and telling people she cheated. Threatening to tell other people to shame her. Shaming her with 'you slept with another man' even though he practically forced it.

Equally, it's very easy to keep recorded conversations of what this man has said, along with written messages and screenshots.

So if he ever did use it as blackmail, then the other half of the story could also be revealed.

And in that scenario, he would look 100 times worse because it would be clear that (1) he instigated the situation, and (2) every man would know he is a cuck.

By twisting the narrative and telling people she cheated. Threatening to tell other people to shame her. Shaming her with 'you slept with another man' even though he practically forced it. OP is not dealing with a normal person here. My friend's husband has texts from when she pretended to go on a date he said he is keeping as 'evidence.'

I would tell him he has two choices, one: he shuts the fuck up and makes an effort for the dc and moves in a week or so or two: if he can’t stfu (we know he can’t because he’s like a dog with a bone) he can pack a few bags and leave tonight!

Tell him he won’t be staying for Xmas and to go tonight if he doesn’t stop .

He sounds exhausting . Does he ever shut up !

You sound strong OP.
Strong willed and determined.

Can you tell someone your trust, a friend or Women's Aid about what's going on so you have some support to help you through this difficult part?

They try anything at this point to make you change your mind so pick a sentence you are happy with and repeat it over and over.

"Its over between us, I won't negotiate on this anymore. We can put the children first and make this easy but you need to move out asap"

You need to take yourself out of his emotional punching distance as much as possible. Can you take yourself out of the house / room. Call a friend? He is still trying to coerce and control you.

Your not using your children as a weapon @Vanillaskieshazeleyes you know your relationship has reached the end. Staying wouldn’t be good for your Mh and it would affect your Dc, they pick up tension and can tell when we are stressed.
You have to just switch off from him at the moment because he will be using everything in his arsenal to persuade you to change your mind and will use guilt, telling you he can’t live without you etc until he leaves. He has boundary issues, he sees you as an extension of him and his needs, I doubt he realises you have wants or needs yourself.
You can do this Op x

He’ll say anything and everything to get you to stay. Once he understands you’re resolved he might even threaten to want full custody or something along those lines, especially knowing you don’t have a support system to turn to.

I was in an abusive relationship from 15 to 25 and he had me fully convinced I’d never be able to make it without him. Now I look back and I can’t believe I ever let a man treat me like that. There’s so much better out there.

You have been with him since you were 16 ?
How old is he ?

Sorry to say but he’s cheating on you. Same thing happened with my ex. I felt dilisgusted. He was seeing his ex.

Just remember he’ll know what hurts and will say exactly those things to you.

He is using his fetish as a weapon !!
It’s not a healthy atmosphere for children to be in and he’s a crap dad if he doesn’t realise that.

The guilt tripping will follow a script. Just be prepared and work out a one sentence answer.
As soon as Christmas is over you could get the ball rolling. I’m sure I read somewhere that in cases of abuse councils will sign over the tenancy to the abused person, the abuser leaves. Phone your council and ask to speak to a housing officer. Or phone Shelter for advice.
Once your housing is secure everything else will fall into place. You are beginning to seoarate emotionally from him and the more you plan your life without him the easier that will become.

Coercion is always about punishment in the end.

Compliance never satisfies.

Interesting that you mention being non contact with your family as abusive men have a type.

I was in an emotionally abusive marriage for many years and had a very difficult upbringing which meant I stayed with my husband despite the mental abuse, infidelity and gaslighting.

Staying was really harmful for my children who’re now young adults and don’t want anything to do with him as he began to manipulate them when he couldn’t damage me.

Stick with your decision and limit his influence on your children so they don’t grow up believing this type of relationship is normal.