Annoyed at / despairing of my dad

I really don't understand the problem. Your mum doesn't want a present. You dad hasn't got her a present. Don't get involved. Perfection has already been achieved

YABU
He's form for doing this
Your response should be - well I've done all my shopping & there's no way I'm going out again so it looks like it's a trip out for you or a voucher

FYI gift bags solve the wrapping issue

Exactly

Just give him one suggestion he can get at the shops. Or just list all the things you've bought on his behalf before. Make it clear he'll need to buy and wrap it. And that's that. If you don't you'll be doing this every year like you always do. Time to stop.

You can’t lie about seeing it, no. But you can say, “yes, I did see the email, however I have already completed my Christmas shopping and I am not going into the shops on Christmas eve as you’re disorganised.”

I think you need the Mumsnet Tinkly Laugh(tm) on standby, followed by the comments other posters have made on this thread...

I always tell my husband not to buy me a present because I know his ideas are weird and not related in any way to things I like! I could buy myself a present and he’d pay for it but that seems a bit rubbish so now we pay money each birthday and Christmas into an account towards a cruise in the next couple of years.

Your mum will know he’s had help, I doubt she’d realise how much pressure he puts on you and how late though so, next year, ask her what ideas you can give to your dad as you know he will ask you. If she says nothing then tell her you are out of ideas to give him and you’ll need a list before December 1st. On December 1st, email your Dad the list daily until he acknowledges it and then you’ve done your bit. He doesn’t need help with wrapping - you can buy gift bags and boxes everywhere so no sellotape needed!

This is his job, not yours. Please bat any guilt straight back to him as it’s him who should feel ashamed.

“Sorry Dad I’m busy tomorrow. Good luck with finding something nice.”

End.

For the love of all that's holy, just say no. "Sorry, dad, I've finished my shopping already and I'm too busy to go out again. You'll have to sort yourself out."

Your mum doesn't even want a present, so who cares if he gets her something crap? Why are you so afraid of him?

Say no and stop being ridiculous. He can go to shops himself if he's that bothered

Well your mum could avoid this by telling him to get her - whatever it is that's small and she actually wants - every year. How hard is it for to come up with one suggestion?

Your mother doesn't want a present, or wants something small. Suggest a couple of small things to him, and leave him to it.

You are enabling his incompetence and making yourself responsible for managing your father's tasks and your mother's emotional reactions, whatever they might be.

Leave him to give her a poorly-thought-out and badly-wrapped gift, and leave her to address this situation however she feels best. This is NOTHING to do with you.

Your mum says she doesn't want a present from your dad so why are you going out of your way to get one for her?

This just doesn't make any sense at all to me.

But your Mum doesn't even want a present! Why is nobody listening to her?

Sorry, OP - if your dad is switched on enough to email, he's capable of shopping online.

I understand it's hard for you. I'm sure it's not the only thing your dad palms off on you.

What a guilt trip 😥

I like the voucher suggestion from a PP. can you suggest that?

First answer nailed it

Just say you've finished your shopping, are out tonight with friends and he needs to sort this out himself.

Honestly, this martyrdom is pure daft. So what if you feel (unwarranted) guilt, just tell yourself he brought it on himself.

I wrap and buy for my dad every year, I don't mind helping.

He's great at lots of stuff but shit at coming up with something and wrapping it. We can't all be good at everything.
The difference is I don't mind. You do mind, so you need to tell him "no" firmly and then stop doing it. Because all you're doing is annoying yourself.

What a shame you've been having trouble with the wifi signal lately.
This happened to me a couple of weeks ago; something to do with the HomeHub. I had no mobile or landline signal until it was, luckily, sorted. In fact, I genuinely didn't notice for a while.
When you get to the parental home, preempt by telling them what a nuisance it has been to be temporarily cut off.

You've got two choices OP. You sit your Dad down and tell him some (kindly) home truths or you buy a present and wrap it up in November/early December so at least you aren't scurrying around like a headless chicken. Those are the only 2 solutions.

My response:

Are you posting for support to stop this annual charade? You've got it! There is no earthly reason to do this anymore.

The response you apparently want:

Oh, you poor thing OP! What a saint you are, putting your annoyance aside and putting yourself under considerable pressure, year after year, for your feckless fart of a father.
Try to make the best of your shopping trip 🩷 x

Everyone is saying the same thing but you don't seem to want to hear it.

Stop being a martyr op. Say no. Mean it. Job done.

I voted for unreasonable purely because you do it every year and don't just say no. There isn't a gun to your head so no you don't have to go tomorrow at 9am or today at any time

Respectfully, helping out a neighbour (who I'm willing to bet is frail, or has been ill and can't get to the shops, or gets confused easily, and thats why you were kind enough to help out) is not the same as enabling an adult man who cannot be bothered to plan for buying a gift for the woman he supposedly loves, who I bet has learnt to drive a car, and held down a job, but has convinced his adult daughter he can't wrap a present properly. It's gobsmacking disrespect, and the worst part is that it's so normalised in our society that some people are just going to go 'it's a nice thing to do, to help out' ignoring the fact he does it EVERY BLOODY YEAR.