Am I being unreasonable?
I know (most) men watch porn but I have this issue. My OH has a thing for big breasts. Now my breasts are definitely not big. We have been together for a long time, we have children. I am fit for my age and I have good breasts, but not big!
A number of years ago he had an affair and the lady he had an affair with had big (extremely big, fake) breasts and blonde hair. The affair was about sex, not love and I think, she used him as much as he used her.
I have seen search history on his phone, for porn sites, a long time ago, but after the affair, and the searches were for "big breasts, blonde hair". I obviously mentioned this to him and he assured me I was perfect, I had perfect breasts, he loved me etc. I have very recently seen the same searches on his phone and it makes me feel awful.
Now, I know porn can be fantasy and fantasy can be very different to every day, but I am dark haired with small breasts and his searches are always for blonde hair and big breasts.
It just makes me question what he says to me when he says he loves me and loves my body and my breasts and I am perfect. I guess with everything that has happened he has made me insecure and I hate that. I don't think he is having an affair but I just think that his previous affair was his fantasy and that is not me.