Not his ideal

I’m sorry to be bumping an old thread, but I couldn’t resist. I I think OP deserves more and I hope she did end up leaving him!

I also wanted to say that I doubt Alicia Vikander, Natalie Portman, Vogue Williams, Kelly Ripa, Shakira and countless other small-breasted females’ husbands/partners are dissatisfied with them. Just bear that in mind!

There's fantasising about someone who's different looking, and there's actively seeking out and wanting a specific attribute (i.e. large breasts) that your partner, the one you supposedly prefer, does not have.

@RaquelWelch Sorry to bump your old thread, but how did you get on? I hope you kicked this guy to the curb. You deserve someone who genuinely likes you as you are.

Without the affair, I would have said, just fantasy, doesn't mean his feelings for you don't trump that, he has chosen you. Told.you that I fantasise about completely different looking men to the love of my life etc.
With the affair, I don't see how you are supposed to get over it. You can't use all that reasoning because he has cheated with his fantasy.

Leave

What's the point of this post?

Take stock over Christmas and think about how you want to be living in 10 years time.
come back to us and we will help you make a plan

Then it's time to be that strong sensible woman again OP.

Make yourself a promise not to put up with this lame excuse of a man any longer.

And no, not all men watch porn. Many of them have more respect for women than consuming vulnerable, underage, coerced and trafficked women and girls online.

You and your DC deserve better.

Do you work or have a way out of this situation?

Sorry I don't understand what your AIBU question is? If you are asking if you are unreasonable for staying married to this pig of a man, I would have to say yes.

You are not going to change this man.
He views women as sex objects and gets off on seeing them abused and violated.
He cheated on you.
Your self esteem would improve vastly if you rid yourself of this odious man.

Well alot of people have types. Does not mean they can't find someone else attractive.
So that isn't on you.
Everything else has already been said.
He's a creepy cheater who get's off on the subjugation of women.
Leave OP, you're definitly worth more than that . You're children will thank you for having a stronger happier mother.

Simps watch a lot of porn. Not all men, a tiny amount of them have some self respect.

What a terrible way to live your life.

What’s in this for you, OP? Because some part of you must perversely like being treated so badly.

Get some self esteem and ltb. This is horrific

Unfortunately, these kinds of feelings are what you signed up for when you decided to stay with a lying cheat.

I am really sorry but there’s only one solution here.

Gonna be harsh here, holding back tbh.
Basing yourself on a man and his seedy likes, wth you on?

A cheating, porn watching slip of a man no less

He's cheated on you, he controls you, he watches porn and it's 99% likely he either has cheated again or will cheat again.

When you stay with a cheating man, you give him license to cheat on you again.

For the sake of your children, I'd leave him.

I think a really good way to realise how absurd and awful this is, is to reverse it. Is this something you can imagine your husband thinking and asking his friends about?....

'Am I being unreasonable?

I know (most) women watch porn but I have this issue. My OH has a thing for big cocks. Now my cock is definitely not big. We have been together for a long time, we have children. I am fit for my age and I have a good sized cock, but not big!

A number of years ago she had an affair and the man she had an affair with had a big (extremely big) cock and red hair. The affair was about sex, not love and I think he used her as much as she used him.

I have seen search history on her phone, for porn sites, a long time ago, but after the affair, and the searches were for "big cocks, red hair". I obviously mentioned this to her and she assured me I was perfect, I had a perfect cock, she loved me etc. I have very recently seen the same searches on her phone and it makes me feel awful.

Now, I know porn can be fantasy and fantasy can be very different to every day, but I am blonde haired with a 6 inch cock and her searches are always for res hair and big cocks.

It just makes me question what she says to me when she says she loves me and loves my body and my cock and I am perfect. I guess with everything that has happened she has made me insecure and I hate that. I don't think she is having an affair but I just think that her previous affair was her fantasy and that is not me.'

Or do you think he would have realised his value was worth so so much more than this?

You are worth more than him op. So so much more.

This.

Don't be the cool girl OP. Porn is not ok.

Not quite sure why you stuck around after the affair to then let him put you in the "adequate" box.

What a prince!

You're not his ideal??? He should be on his knees thanking his stars that a woman will not only have him back after he proved himself a cheat, but will also tolerate his sleezy porn habit. You are so far above him, I'm surprised he can even see you. You desperately need to work on your confidence because you are wasting yourself on a man you shouldn't be giving the time of day to, never mind worrying if you're good enough for.

A number of years ago he had an affair

This is the only relevant thing in your post. He cheated on you. It doesn't matter what the reason was. He betrayed you and treated you like shit.

This has to be a windup, surely ?

He had an affair.

You clearly chose to take him.back.

But you also don't trust him.

So you have a choice about what you do going forward. Trust him and move forwards together.

Or don't trust him and separate.

This is not about breasts