Am I being unreasonable to leave my in-laws’ at Christmas because MIL won’t stop with trying to guess if I'm pregnant

DH needs to have a serious word with his mum

Sounds like he already has done, @Roselilly36, and it's not worked since the only response is "Oooo I'm excited / I'm just trying to guess" and other similar nonsense

Unfortunately people like this are hard to dissuade - I have a friend who does it, and her DCs have told her they're never having kids, though I know they hope to - so sadly the only thing that works is to shut it down completely

I think it is enough for DH to say- Mum. I have asked you and asked you not to make these remarks. You may think it is cute and funny but we don't. This is your last warning - next time you make one of these comments we will be leaving. And mean it - leave if she says anything. She will soon learn.

It's the snarky glee in her comments that would be the last straw.

Plus she sees you as nothing more than a brood mare.

Enough is enough.

Honestly I'd be tempted to say "change the fucking record will you?"

MiL wasn’t sympathetic about the other loss in the family and just moaned she wouldn’t have a baby cuddles in autumn. So I can see why OP really doesn’t want to tell her.

Selfish Cow.

I'd pre-empt by saying literally on greeting 'Before you start your banter, I'm not pregnant nor will be by the time I leave so let's leave it our while I'm here please'

My family member was 59 at this point. Early, but it happens. Of course if MiL has always been like this then she’s just very self centered and a nasty witch. Which sounds more likely. But I’d deffo be tempted with the pretence that ‘we ‘ had made a docs apt as she keeps parroting the same stuff after being asked to stop.

I quite like the references to asking if she has her will and funeral plan sorted out too. Hold up a mirror to MiL and see if she thinks that’s funny.

Jeez, she sounds like my MIL, not called Denise is she?
I had to endure the same for 12 YEARS! because we hadn't given her grandchildren. She didn't know we were trying and nothing happening, we had 4 rounds of ivf and now have a little boy, who she's never seen after a comment sent me over the edge and we went no contact.

Dont go this Christmas, spend the day with your DH and toddler, she sounds unbearable!

Yep. She's been told, and not only is she still doing it, she's doing it gleefully. She won't stop because she enjoys it. So the only thing to do is take yourself away from her and not invite her to your home.
She should be told that she's well on the way to being cut off completely and never seeing her grandchildren at all.

You absolutely aren’t unreasonable for leaving.

I do think it will be most effective if your DH lays down the crystal clear boundary first. “Mum, the next time you make any sort of pregnancy comment, fish for information or even suggest [OP] might be pregnant, we’re leaving. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s funny or pressure-free, it is completely unwelcome.” Then when she does it again you immediately pack up and leave. He (and you) should participate in absolutely zero discussion about the nature of comments or how she means it, just lay down an utterly no-exceptions boundary that you’re not negotiating.

I’m so sorry. That sort of presumption and nosiness is infuriating in the best of situations and fertility struggles make it so much worse. People should know better.

She sounds awful - insensitive and pushy. I think leaving is justified.

Oooh this.

Or, "We've decided not to have any more kids as we're moving to Australia. We think we'll come back once every 3 years for a week or so, so you can see [toddler]."

DH needs to have a serious word with his mum. I can’t believe MIL would be so rude tbh. I wouldn’t dream of speaking to a future DIL like this, totally out of line. Good luck with the IVF OP.

Another vote for leave. Life is too short to put up with that kind of shit.

Really? This woman is quite likely to be barely more than 50. Not everyone is the child of someone who had them in their 30s or 40's and is themselves having children in their 30s or 40s. My mother had three grandchildren by the time she was 47.

Don't give it any more thought.
Protect your stress levels.
I cannot believe you have tolerated this for as long as you have.

Pack those bags and leave now.
Tell your husband you are 100% done.

If you were my daughter I would be beyond furious on your behalf.

Not normal.
She is a nasty, batshit bitch.

What an appalling woman, "banter" oh really? No it is nasty, underhand and hurtful. I especially hate the banter excuse, adds insult to injury and the people who say that no exactly what they are up to

OP I know it’s not what you want to do, but when I was going through IVF I found the only way to stop people upsetting me was to be honest with them. I’d get all the “when are you going to get pregnant” etc, so I’d say “I don’t know. I’m going through IVF at the moment and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, so please don’t ask me about it or I’ll cry”.

If you can give her once last chance. Be frank with her, next time she mentions it cut her off immediately, “Please stop. I am not pregnant and your constant little hints and insinuations are insulting and hurtful, do it again and we leave.” And mean it.

PPs advice have all been very good. OP is polite, and hurting, understandably. My inner b1tch would want to do this - or the alternative “Doris, we’re quite worried for you. You keep repeating yourself and don’t realise you’re doing it. We’ve booked you in with the GP for a memory test as we’re seriously concerned about your cognitive decline and we really want to help and make sure you get the best treatment.”.

Actually - could dementia be a possibility? I only ask as the first sign in a family member was a complete 180 in their personality. The usual kindness and empathy had fucked off and they were making quiet cruel comments about someone in family who had lost a baby. That was when we gathered forces and we did just as above, and it was indeed dementia.

Sorry you’re going through this OP. You deserve a peaceful and relaxing Christmas.

Two options. Bat her away with humour: 'We're waiting for the right moment—like when we win the lottery!'

Or

'Every time you drop one of your awful hints we add another year to our timeline. So far we are at 17 years but by Xmas Eve it will be 34.'

Or you batter her into the ground.

'MIL you have the empathy of a fucking steamroller. I'm off.'

Could try option 1 first?

Do you watch Miranda?

Stevie holds up a stick with a photo of Heather Small and sings 'what have you done today to make you feel proud?'

You could adapt it ...

Maybe hold up a pic of her from Frozen and sing 'Let It Go' really loudly and a bit out of tune.

Every. Single. Time.

Chaos option. Very good! 🤣

Just leave. Follow through like you are dealing with a misbehaving toddler. There are two outcomes. Outcome 1 - she realises you are serious about not wanting to hear it. Outcome 2 - you don't have to hear anymore snide remarks because you are not there. It's a win/win.

Just say "well it would be a miracle considering your son has had a vasectomy so no more grandchildren from us I'm afraid"
I know it's a massive lie but that would mean the comments would stop (hopefully) because she would think there is no way it's gonna happen and when it does happen for you both and you get your baby you can tell her the truth then, if she kicks off about the lie just tell her that it's her own fault for going on and on about it causing you unnecessary stress.
What an insensitive woman she is