Am I being unreasonable to leave my in-laws’ at Christmas because MIL won’t stop with trying to guess if I'm pregnant

I would absolutely leave OP. Is it too late for you to go to your family for Christmas? Otherwise I’d be heading home and going shopping tomorrow and enjoy your Christmas as the three of you.

Your MIL is spiteful and if your husband won’t tell her off then this is the consequence. Dont feel guilty. Have a lovely Christmas with your child, don’t let MIL ruin it for you.

Agree. It needs to be a command, not an ask.

Alternatively just tell her you are one and done?

DH has already spoken to her and told her to stop. He didn’t mention IVF, but he said her comments are unhelpful and stressful. She just brushes it off with, “Oh, I’m not pressuring anyone! I’m just excited for when it happens.”

I think he needs to be more forceful when he tells her. When she tries to brush it off, he needs to stay (sternly) it is no joke and she is not to mention it ever again or she risks pushing him and his family away. He needs to show her in his manner that he is very serious.

Really, ideally you do want to be able to set her straight and leave if she keeps chipping away, but I've a feeling - as she hasn't taken on board the reasonable telling that she's already had - she will make out you are being melodramatic and mean to her and it could cause you even more stress.
I think honestly is generally the best policy, but I'd be tempted to skirt around your issue with her by both saying something along the lines of 'We're both happy with one'', and then don't get drawn into any discussion by continually, and politely, changing the subject.
All the best OP.

Leave. Refuse to see her.

I think in this instance "going nuclear" would be ALL of you leaving tomorrow, id you haven't left already.

Be very clear in advance. "We have asked you not comment, it is not banter to us, it is hurtful, and the fact you continue even after we have asked you politely to stop is disrespectful and inconsiderate'. If you continue, we will have to leave. This is not enjoyable for us".

And then follow through and leave.

I'm so sorry it's shit.

She sounds like a fruit loop

YANBU to leave.

I would probably try telling her to STFU first as, rude though it is, it might be the sort of blunt response she needs to jolt her into behaving differently and I think leaving when you had intended staying for Christmas is more disruptive all round and rude in a different way. But people have very different views of swearing and what it means, so it needs consideration.

This.

I'm not generally one to say 'ltb' or 'go non contact' or 'block' or any of the other drama, but this is making you very miserable, on edge, and upset. Even when she isn't making a comment, you are on edge, waiting for the comment.
Your dh has tried to be clear how much this is upsetting you, and she still continues.
I think it is going to take something like you both leaving, for her to make any changes.

I presume your dh will leave with you ?

Seriously, her not knowing about the IVF isn't relevant here. You just don't go on at anyone about when they are having a baby - be that first baby or 4th! Most people know that without it having to be spelled out to them. She has had it spelled out, and still continues to do it.

"We've asked you multiple times to stop this as it upsets us, so by doing it again, you either don't care how we feel, or are deliberately trying to upset us." and then either one more chance, or leave.

Stop holding back the tears and let everyone see what she’s making you feel like. I’m so sorry you’re having to hear that.

My work colleagues once assumed I was pregnant she I found it very very intrusive and offensive !

So sorry OP. We had three miscarriages between DS and DD. What your MIL is doing would have devastated me. Huge hugs.

How would you go nuclear on them?

Personally, I think I’d tell her face to face that she is a nosey, interfering, inconsiderate witch. & that it’s downright rude to ask or assume someone is pregnant.

Who in their right mind says “Oh what a shame, I was looking forward to baby cuddles” after someone has a miscarriage. I despair.

Tell her to butt out, and keep her comments to herself. It’s absolutely none of her business, and she is clearly an ignorant and stupid woman! If she doesn’t, then simply stay away from her. You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Life is stressful enough for you at the moment without the input of Supergran!

Bloody hell. I thought my mil was bad! This woman sounds awful.

Why are you even bothering with her? I wouldn't go which would mean my children wouldn't be going because I won't be home alone and she gets to see them. She wont be welcome in my house either. I definitely wouldn't want to stay around that attitude for a week. She's nasty. And how triggering for you?! Dh can go on his own. Can't he just see her on Boxing Day? You don't deserve to have to put up with her disgusting comments around Christmas.

If she has a brain she should know you don't talk this way to someone who's experienced what you have, it's not that difficult to figure out by herself. She's clearly an idiot who doesn't give a shit that she's being highly insensitive to you both.

If you read the OP’s posts, her and her DH are at MIL’s for Christmas this year. So OP doesn’t need to invite MIL for Christmas this year.

Gosh those are really horrible comments. You're really strong to even stay in the same room as her. Id leave without explanation and not talk to her again till she grovels a serious apology. Wishing you all the best with IVF and a happy year ahead.

I'm a big one for nodding, smiling and just rubbing along as part and parcel of wider family life but I would leave in this situation and I would not explain beyond "because you won't STFU about something which is none of your business".

Do not tell them about IVF or anything else beyond "if and when we have another we will tell you at the appropriate time" (of your choosing). Don't return until it stops.

DH and I held off because we knew that, if something went wrong, she’d be the least supportive person. She has no filter and often says things that are thoughtless or hurtful

If you’re going to keep seeing them you need to use a shield and fight fire with fire. Every annoying/thoughtless comment she makes say something like “haha, that’s a really weird/inappropriate comment to make” or something to that effect. She’s bullying you both (especially you). If you push back with a bit of fire she might stop, and you might actually be able to forge a better relationship with her in time. If you don’t, she never will. Show her you’re not a pushover. With this type that’s probably a better tactic than a “we’re really hurt” type conversation. That would only buy you a couple of months then she’d back with a vengeance. Give her attitude back when she attacks and she’ll soon learn not to bite.

Of course. She needs to understand how badly she has behaved.

Did you actually even read my response?

@mariannnnaa Are you ok, OP?

Nearly everyone has gone too far with a joke or bit of banter etc at some point. But not everyone has been firmly put in their place for doing so (which is a necessary learning experience which usually takes place at a relatively young age). So she won’t stop until she’s either told to shut the fuck or given a similar ultimatum through your actions.

Even without the infertility issue, your MiL has absolutely no business pressurising you about pregnancy. It's nothing to do with her. I have two DDs in their 30s, neither of them showing any signs of having children. I do sometimes think how much I'd love to have grandchildren, but that's a me problem not a them problem, and I would never dream of saying or insinuating anything, or making unfunny jokes about baby cuddles. It's absolutely not on. If you're still there and you don't feel great about going, I'd suggest your DH gives her an ultimatum - one more comment about pregnancy, and you're packing and leaving. I'm so sorry you've had to put up with this monumental insensitivity.