Am I being unreasonable to leave my in-laws’ at Christmas because MIL won’t stop with trying to guess if I'm pregnant

Just tell her, not that it' any of her business, that you are "one and done" and her DS has had a vasectomy. That'll shut her up and put the onus back on your DH. She sounds vile.
My DD had similar and went nuclear at her MIL - it worked as MIL preferred to shut her mouth and still see her GS rather than being cut off.

I gave an example of someone I know. It's a well known fact stress affects hormones which can be contradictory to getting pregnant. That's different to reasons for miscarriage which is heartbreaking & I'm sorry you went through that. I went through an early miscarriage.It was nothing to do with stress.

I'm not excusing the OP mil awful coments but she deserves to be put in the picture. It's her sons problem too.

"If you make one more comment about marianna being pregnant we will leave and it will be a long time before we return. Do you understand?"

Be blunt. Andrea I want to speak to you about the things you say about me being pregnant. I know you think that this is banter but I find it deeply upsetting and if you make any more comments I will be leaving and going home.

hiding the fact you are going through fertility problems & IVF is wrong. Your mil despite her behaviour deserves to know this. Her comments can't be excused but your not giving her the chance to react with more empathy if your hiding the problem from her.

This is utterly entitled tripe. No one has a right to anyone else’s medical information or to be given details about people’s struggles and insecurities. People need to earn the trust that makes people want to confide and seek support from them, and they do that by showing they respect feelings and requests.

OP’s MIL has already been told that her comments are upsetting and unwelcome. She’s made it clear she doesn’t care how she’s making OP feel, so why would any sane person trust her with more sensitive information?

This is properly bizzare behaviour on her part. You need to stop tolerating it - give her a final warning and if it doesn’t stop, leave.

When she mentions it, say "oh god no. Cant think of anything worse, id be down Marie stopes quicker than a rat up a drainpipe"

'Right Sandra, we've asked you nicely to stop with the comments about me being pregnant but you're clearly not listening. I don't care if you're only 'joking' - I don't find it funny. I'm off home so I don't have to listen to any more of your stupid, insensitive bullshit'.
That should do it (possibly permanently).

Why does MiL have ‘the right’ to know? It’s entirely up to OP and her husband. No one is automatically entitled to know others personal lives. And given that MiL has zero sympathy about another person in family having a miscarriage and started making ‘baby’s’ about having no autumn baby cuddles I can understand why OP wouldn’t want her to know. I bet MiL would start offering unsolicited useless advise which would make OP feel even more stressed.

Some people, like MiL, just can’t help picking those emotive scabs because they get a secret buzz from it and it’s sickening.

What?! Absolutely nobody "deserves" to know the OP's personal medical information. Nor her husband's. Their fertility is their own business, nobody else's, and they are not obliged to share it with anyone if they don't want to, least of all a boundary-trampling, interfering busybody who can't control her gob.

The woman should be observing the basic rules of common human decency whether she knows about the infertility or not. If she isn't capable of doing that then she certainly isn't worthy of being trusted with painful and intimate information.

OP I think your DH needs to be much, much more blunt and explicit with her about the behaviour that needs to stop. If she persists, then I wouldn't see her. She doesn't have some god-given right to walk all over you because she gave birth to your husband.

Just leave OP. Why should you have to endure Christmas with this? You should be able to have a nice time, and it doesn’t sound like you will be able to if you stay.

OP, if you haven’t left that awful woman yet then I think this is pretty much the perfect thing to say. I also think it should be you to say it, not your DH. It will sound stronger coming from you.

Your DH has been asked by DH to stop she doesn't need any more of an explanation. You certainly don't owe her one just because you've told third parties who are / have been supportive.

She is an adult and I'd be very surprised if she is truly unaware of what she is doing.

I hope you've left.

@Onceuponatime9 not disclosing private medical details to another person who has no need to know it is not wrong. Nor should the Op have to do it so that her MIL will behave with empathy. The fact that her DH has told the MIL it's upsetting should be enough. Well actually that should never have been needed. Making repeated comments about and speculating over somebody else's body is wrong.

The Op's MIL does not "deserve" her private medical information.

Sorry but she does not “deserve to know” about the OP’s personal medical situation!! WTF. The OP clearly knows her MIL well enough to know that it will not be helpful to tell her.

And how patronising to tell the OP to stop stressing. I once had 2 miscarriages in a space of 6 months and an insensitive person told me it was because I got stressed with moving house. That same person also told me about a non-close relative’s miscarriage!! I did not need to know. People just need to learn to what is their business and what isn’t.

I'd be having Xmas at home OP.

YANBU.

Sorry your going through this OP,your mil comments are awful. If I can add anything to what's already been said it would be hiding the fact you are going through fertility problems & IVF is wrong. Your mil despite her behaviour deserves to know this. Her comments can't be excused but your not giving her the chance to react with more empathy if your hiding the problem from her. It's your DH problem too & his mother has as much of a right to know the truth as your mother.

Many people who stop stressing about getting pregnant fall pregnant more easily.An example is a friend who went through years of infertility & IVF with no success.She adopted a beautiful boy then within 6 months she fell pregnant naturally & gave birth to a baby girl.

“Brenda, if you don’t stop making these comments I’m going home and this will be our last Christmas with you.”

Then if she does it again you follow through by leaving. It’s like dealing with a toddler!

Id rather go home and have nothing to eat than stay there with that bullshit.

Fair enough.

When my SIL announced her first pregnancy (we were out at lunch with MIL and FIL), MIL pointed her finger at me and my DH and said "what about you two?'".
I wanted to die. Fast forward a year and I announced we were in medical mill due to fertility issued, PCOS and fibroids. She felt like a twat I bet.

I haven’t rtft so I don’t know if anyone else has the same opinion as me, but I think if you’ve told your parents and close friends shouldn’t DH be able to tell his parents you’re having fertility struggles/ivf if he wants to? It’s his life too after all… & I’m sure would put a stop to the comments. If you haven’t mentioned it she can’t be expected to be a mind reader & is probably from a different generation where not everything is offensive.

I did, I also read a large number of other posts before responded. OK I got the detail wrong - just remembered that OP was wanting to not be at a christmas event with MIL. The detail didn't affect what I said - MIL needs to be told why OP wasn't going to be in her company.

I had a friend who did this every time I saw her for 10 years - the comments were varied and sly. I eventually gave up trying to bat the comments away and that was the end of the friendship. It was exhausting!

I agree it’s not always possible to go the NC route. Could you say you are going home and when she asks why say tell her outright! If she says she’ll stoop say sorry, you’ve said that before and I want to have a nice Christmas without constantly being made to feel like a disappointment/failure* insert genuine feeling here. Then go so she understands how her actions make you feel and the consequences for her.

Also if I were you I’d start being rude back. She’s happy making you uncomfortable, I wouldn’t be able to tolerate it. Any comment she makes you say ‘we have asked you to stop making comments.’ Your DH HAS to do this too. For me however I’d be on my way home with my child to actually enjoy my Christmas with them whilst they are little and such a fabulous age for enjoying the Christmas magic. I wouldn’t have this old witch ruin it for me. You don’t have to ask DH to go no contact you absolutely can distance yourselves from them and not engage for your own mental health. Think of yourself and your child OP, stop worrying about what others think.