We’ve got secondary infertility, and our toddler is our only child right now. Because both sets of parents live far away from us and each other, we take turns spending Christmas with them, staying about a week each time. This year, it’s my in-laws’ turn.
The issue is my MIL. She’s desperate to be a grandma again and has always been pushy about it. When I was pregnant with my toddler, she was annoyed we waited until 10 weeks to tell her (instead of immediately). DH and I held off because we knew that, if something went wrong, she’d be the least supportive person. She has no filter and often says things that are thoughtless or hurtful.
We’re currently doing IVF, but the in-laws don’t know. MIL would make it so much worse with her comments. She’s already said things to DH’s cousin like, “When are you finally going to get pregnant?” when they were having IVF, and when she heard about their miscarriage, her reaction was, “Oh, what a shame! I was really looking forward to baby cuddles this autumn.”
Whenever we visit, she won’t stop with the constant “jokey” questions. She’ll say things like, “Can I offer you some wine? Hahaha!” Or if we’re discussing lunch places, it’s, “Sushi? Marianna, SUSHI? What do you think?” with a smug little laugh. If I’m not hungry, it’s, “Ooh, not much appetite? Ginger helped me every time I was, you know, a little queasy…” It’s relentless.
Today, we went to a fair, and just before I got on a ride with my toddler, she pointed to a sign about pregnant women avoiding it and asked, “You’re still going on?” When I nodded, she added, “Guess no grandchild by summer, then!”
DH has already spoken to her and told her to stop. He didn’t mention IVF, but he said her comments are unhelpful and stressful. She just brushes it off with, “Oh, I’m not pressuring anyone! I’m just excited for when it happens.”
Honestly, I’ve had enough. As soon as my toddler wakes up from their nap, I want to leave. I can’t face another sly remark, like, “Want some ice cream? Don’t worry, it’s pasteurised!” I had a miscarriage earlier this year, and IVF is already stressful enough without all of this on top, especially at Christmas. I’d rather spend it alone with my child than pretend I’m fine while trying not to cry every five minutes.