Am I being unreasonable to leave my in-laws’ at Christmas because MIL won’t stop with trying to guess if I'm pregnant

I think tell her that you are not sure whether you will be having a second child and you do not want to discuss with her. It is your body and none of her business.

And I wouldn't actually be seeing her until she apologised and made a commitment to stop such utterly batshit inappropriate behaviour.

Go home OP.

She's had more than fair warning and I can feel from your posts how anxious and unsettled this is making you. You poor thing, she is awful.

It's horrible being treated like an incubator too, just a conduit to them getting another grandchild instead of a person to be respected in your own right.

I would keep it factual and firm:

"We're off home I'm afraid, we really want to be able to relax and enjoy Christmas and hoped we could do that here as we asked you to stop mentioning pregnancy but you have continued to do so at every opportunity. See you in the new year, hopefully by then you'll have got this out of your system and will be able to spend time together without you mentioning it."

This like what is the motive here? Does she literally have nothing else to focus on?
It doesn’t sound like she sees the OP’s toddler that much so any baby wouldn’t be a huge part of her life. And presumably she wouldn’t see the cousin’s baby that much.

So why?!

I like this idea, I bet her face would be a picture OP 😂

His Mother is a bully
This isn’t banter , it’s passive aggressive bullying
Tell your H if it happens again you and your child are leaving and do it .
Stop pandering to her , don’t tell her anything and tell your H in no uncertain terms he can’t either
Personally I would vote with my felt and stop seeing her . If h wants to go that’s up to him but you have enough on your plate without her disgusting banter

Does the woman not have other topics of conversation? She must be a crashing bore with babies on the brain.

Go home. And let MIL know it’s because she has shit manners.

Normally I’d get the point about in-laws but not in this case.
Can the MIL not find something else to do like for example playing with the toddler standing in front of her instead of talking about future children.

OP has already been clear why she hasn’t shared the infertility issue with MiL - nothing to do with them not being ‘equal’ to OP, who says telling her will just make things worse So no, it won’t stop the comments, and OP’s behaviour towards her is a consequence of MiL’s own actions.

I get that it's touching nerves and insensitive. If she has been asked and won't stop it would be reasonable to leave. It's rude and insulting to you and your DC too - like she just sees you as a brood mare to produce her grandchildren and the one she has isn't enough.
I didn't tell my mum when we had fertility issues because she would have made it worse, and all about her. And told other people. I'm sad that I had to keep it from her but it was the right thing to do.

I think you need clearer boundaries. There needs to be a consequence. "Please stop making comments about dietary requirements and trying to guess if I'm pregnant. It is very upsetting. If you continue, we will need to go home or not visit as much" Then follow through.

I have a cousin like this, it is infuriating. They also try to guess she sex of the baby and will not let up. It is extremely unkind and not banter/joking.

"DH has already spoken to her and told her to stop. He didn’t mention IVF, but he said her comments are unhelpful and stressful. She just brushes it off with, “Oh, I’m not pressuring anyone! I’m just excited for when it happens.”

He needs to tell her, forcefully. She doesn't realise her own strength, it's not uncommon unfortunately.

You could also tell her, be gentle but firm.

I hope your Christmas is not spoiled by this. Good luck in 2025 - in every respect.

You need to tell her clearly that you don't wish to be asked anything about a possible pregnancy as you find it upsetting. If she presses for an explanation, say and repeat as often as needed, "I(or better, "we") don't want to talk about it".

Or explain why, and repeat as above.

I fully support you leaving. and if you ever want to play her at her own game, start doing it about mortality. Just casual ‘funny’ remarks about life expectancy and her impending demise. evil cackle

OK, so you have shared your issues with your own parents but not with your husbands parents. That is where a lot of this problem lies. They are not equal to you and that will be coming across in your behaviour toards her.

I would tell her. It will stop the comments. " We are having problems conceiving so when you make comments like that it makes me feel very upset. I really don't want to talk about it so I would be grateful if the comments coukd stop. I feel very vulnerable when the subject is brought up."

I've been drunk as a skunk at every family event and go straight in for the brie and smoked salmon everytime to avoid any dubaity or questions for the past 5 years. I absolutely detest people asking me about TTC so I like to make blatantly obvious.

I think when you are scared to confront someone about their inappropriate behaviour you are scared of being rude but I like to remind myself they are actually being rude in the first place by commenting. So be as rude as you want, she has been told and taken no notice and is treating you with disrespect. She does not need to be told about your infertility, just leave or tell her clearly enough is enough.

I really hope 2025 is good to you and you get some positive news soon

'Is the DGC you've already got, not good enough for you?
Well tough, because I'm done'
She doesn't need to know your business
And then carry on in peace

I don't know what secondary infertility is, but even if it were straightforward for you to be pregnant, it's none of her business. I had this for twenty years from MILs and eventually stopped going to visit as it was too much hassle and very upsetting. Go home, and make sure they know why.

What does DH say when she says she's not putting pressure? What does he say when she makes the comments?
You and he both need to be really, really firm ie "Stop with the strange comments about what OP is eating, it's uncomfortable." "The comments about grandchildren make us both uncomfortable. We'll tell you if and when there's any update, and we don't want to endlessly discuss it, it's boring."
Don't let her wriggle out of it, any responses that she's just excited or you're making a big deal, respond firmly.
No need to mention infertility, she won't react sensitively and you have every right to keep a private health issues privately.

Can you get away with suggesting she get a hobby?!
How about “X’s mum is mad about golf, it’s great she gets to focus her own life”

She’s v odd

Not a good idea. If you are going to howl, make sure it is in front of a roomful of people and then blurt out about the incessant hurtful, snide comments. Just embarrass her. In private gives her power especially has she has not responded to previous requests to stop. And then leave!

Sorry if this is too flippant - but maybe you need to tell DH that if he does not find a way to get her to stop you will inform her that he has developed erectile dysfunction. And then he can have all her attention and advice on supplements and whatnot.

You don't need to mention anything about infertility as it's none of her fucking business. You just need to say very loudly and clearly "stop asking me if i am pregnant. It is too personal and you are making me feel like an incubator. If you don't stop i will leave.".

Just to add, OP: my MIL was exactly the same, and telling her we were struggling with infertility and then secondary infertility did fuck all to shut her up.

And after all the pestering, she turned out to be a shit grandma anyway. My DC can’t stand her and avoid seeing her, because they stopped being of interest to her once they had any mind of their own.